~ archived since 2018 ~
Popular
Other
_Crazy_Luck_
[–]Recommend_me_movies331 points332 points333 points 6 years ago* (13 children) | Copy Link
Whoever wrote it seems to have their heart in the right place. My gf (i'm gay, not a lurker, dont worry) also wants me to call her names during sex or to even hit her. I cant do that shit, how could i do it to someone I love? I donno why anyone would be into that, my best bet is porn...
Edit. Not that anyone cares but I was just dumped. Over text. I'll just head on out to the circus
[–]ASMR_BookclubFDS Newbie144 points145 points146 points 6 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Porn and/or internalized feelings of shame about sex. Most of us grew up in a society that viewed sex as sinful and dirty. Therefore if we enjoy sex, we must be a sinful and depraved person, and should be punished for it in some way. Those feelings can be pretty tricky to untangle
[–]Recommend_me_movies56 points57 points58 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
She was raised in a religious family and is religious herself, so you might be onto something. But I am her first partner and it just seems so wierd to me that such a young person our age who has never had sex before already knows that they want to be essencialy abused in bed
[–]genben55FDS Newbie40 points41 points42 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Definitely porn. I thought it was normal and just how sex was expected to be.
[–]SuchBarracudaFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Or rather/also, most of us grew up in a society that viewed women having AND enjoying sex as sinful and dirty.
[–]Newwavesupport3657FDS Newbie22 points23 points24 points 6 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
This is such a good assessment.
I think everyone has been sexually abused in some way, at least covertly; I think religious sexuality policing is a socially acceptable form of sexual abuse; owning someone's sexuality and instilling shame without even touching them.
I've seen the all too negative effects of this. When this is normalized it's hard to untangle. Most people don't even view indoctrination as a form of child abuse. So then how do we heal?
What a mess.
Not sure why I'm getting downvoted for this... (I wasn't saying healing isn't possible, just that it's difficult.)
[–]ASMR_BookclubFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
That’s so true and so insidious! This is what sex positivity has been about for me. It’s not about going along with hookup culture or watching porn, it’s been about lifting the veil on what toxic things about sex I’d been led to believe, and trying to get rid of them and figure out what I truly desired.
[–]Newwavesupport3657FDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's ridiculous, I'm in an ex Mormon sub Reddit (the sexuality policing I experienced on top of being sexual abused by a family member was absolutely toxic and abusive,) and I'm disagreeing with a "joke" meme on Reddit in that community about choking. (Nala growing on top of a scared looking simba, captioned "my gf asking me to choke her, my sexually repressed ass." )Ok.... no... Mormonism caused shame for me having any sexual desire at all. Loving and affectionate sex is in no way "repressed." I fucking hate liberal and conservative culture.
[–]natashaarikiFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ooo yes you caught hit the nail on the head. I could never figure out what would make me ok with being called a slut during sex in high school (like it felt odd but didn’t substantially bother me) but I think it was a perfect combination of porn culture (thinking it was normal) and definitely internalized shame abt sex
[–]Eleonora0FDS Newbie19 points20 points21 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Spot on.
[–]LateNightLattes01FDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It could also be very much due to trauma.... very sad and unfortunate. Not saying that is the reason in the case of your girlfriend but maybe the girl in the post. It’s a possibility : (
[–]chinchillen2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I have an answer for this, though it may not be the case for your gf. Years of past abuse and mistreatment. I was personally introduced to sex at a very young age by an older man, and whenever I wasn't doing it the way he wanted it to be done, he would slap me in the face and call me bitch, telling me to repeat it out loud and making me do the action over again until he was pleased. As I grew up, any sexual act I was doing, I would try to perform to the best of my ability for my partner so that I could be "a good bitch" it was always in the back of my head. It's only recently that I was able to get out of this mindset and realize that things should be mutual, have been able to stop internally talking down to myself. There has been a lot of internal healing.
[–]Flabby2FitFoodie0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Porn, sexual trauma, or both. Hopefully her partner will tell her the things he feels, & how much he values her, & how precious she is, & continue to tell her until whatever it is begins to heal
[–][deleted] 156 points157 points158 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wish I had some gold to give.
[–]morguerunnerFDS Newbie134 points135 points136 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
This isn’t cute or wholesome, it’s the only sane reaction to being asked to abuse your partner. Really sad and terrifying that this is unusual to see from men these days :/
[–]Recommend_me_movies55 points56 points57 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
What really baffles me that some women would actually ask for this. Im gay and I remember when my gf told me her kinks are bondage, getting hit and "really dirty talk". I didnt want to shame her, coz she was nervous about sharing with me but I ended up crying because of it later. Whenever I see her i want to tell her I love her, I can't imagine putting my hands on her or calling her any degrating name, eventhough she wants me to.
As illogical it is it breaks my heart
[–]VerysoftbunFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I used to be into it and its because I was basically only valued when I was useful to other people, especially when I was letting my boundaries get walked over.
[–]justanotherdumplingFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Me too. I thought I was into BDSM but it turns out it was just because of shame about sex, feeling like I didn’t deserve kindness/pleasure, and PTSD from sexual assault
[–]Salt_SatisfactionFDS Apprentice8 points9 points10 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Spot on 😢
I'm glad she's got this kind of partner though, hopefully he can get through her eventually
[–]SuperbHalfFDS Newbie99 points100 points101 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
S/He should send that letter. I think she needs to hear this.
I write and read smut. I'm noticing this dirty talk a lot in these fictional stories and it turns me right off. I don't know if people are seriously turned on by it or what, but it is too derogatory for me.
[–]pickmieshaexorcistFDS Apprentice302 points303 points304 points 6 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
This is how healthy men SHOULD react to this BDSM bullshit. My husband would be absolutely aghast if I wanted him to abuse me in any way. He doesn’t even like if I’m having a bad day and talk bad about myself; he counters any negative self-talk with support and love.
[–]mscristalconnorsFDS Newbie36 points37 points38 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
🥺🥺🥺
[+][deleted] 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]4herlightFDS Newbie32 points33 points34 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Oh yes, better slice him open and find out if he’s actually a stack of teddy bears wearing a human man suit.
[–]genben55FDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I think she meant the person who wrote the unsent letter
[–]4herlightFDS Newbie30 points31 points32 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh ok, I get you.
But my point still stands. Ladies: tear open your boyfriends today! You deserve to know the truth!
[–]prepperella1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Ah yes. Someone has a girlfriend, that means that someone must be a man or a stack of teddy bears wearing a human suit, what other options are there!
[–]ello-mottoFDS Newbie159 points160 points161 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
We were raised to think dirty talk, "spicing up the bedroom" and being kinky meant desiring to being called a bitch, slut, whore during sex.
Seriously, fuck the multi-billion dollar porn industry ran by LVM for grooming and brainwashing young girls minds like this.
[–]onesidedandworried61 points62 points63 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
This. Kinky = likes to be degraded. It's way too common for men to assume I like being called a slut, or expect me to enjoy getting deepthroated and whatnot. I find it disgusting how good sex equals degrading sex, sex where he can use my body as he wishes. Because apparently that's what kinky is and a girl that's considered good in bed is a girl that agrees to everything He has seen in porn and wants to try irl.
It's so so sad how young girls are really buying into it.
[–]orchid447FDS Apprentice23 points24 points25 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Thinking it's somehow empowering/freeing is the worst part.
[–]onesidedandworried0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly.
[–]penhasinkFDS Newbie55 points56 points57 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Please direct all women like this to our sub. We all start somewhere.
[–]dahmerloveszombiesFDS Newbie20 points21 points22 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I do.
[–]Newwavesupport3657FDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Traumatized women trying to act out their trauma in a scenario where they feel in control.
I blame our mental health system too that often doesn't want to deal with trauma; they want to pill and label you. (Leaving my own insurance because of this.) often times, therapists will label and pill you and only want to discuss said label. Not the trauma when the label is a symptom of said trauma. So many women go into relationships to act out their traumas. You need to heal your sexual and emotional traumas before getting into relationships.
[–]_Crazy_Luck_FDS Newbie[S] 6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yesss 🙏🙏🙏 but how did you achieve it, if I may ask? You said you left your insurance...so what helped you? I'm struggling with the same issue :/
[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Apprentice4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes. Also, too many therapists are men influenced by Sigmund Freud...who was a freak.
[–]blackredrosepetalsFDS Newbie49 points50 points51 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
that’s actually pretty cute. i would die before i let a man call me that in the bedroom lmao
[–]girludontbringhomeFDS Newbie31 points32 points33 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This guy seems like a good one. I hope his gf finds this sub and understands why wanting to be called a slut/whore is degrading, and why being degraded is not sexy. I believe women can be pornsick too unfortunately.
[–][deleted] 68 points69 points70 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
If you're actually opposed to it you wouldn't do it. I don't care if it's misogynistic slurs, choking, slapping, rascism etc. are still abuse even if someone asks you to do it, even if it's your "kink". If my bf asked me to call him daddy I'd say hell no.
[–]HottPinkSlugFDS Newbie52 points53 points54 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Getting off sexually from doing things like that makes it even worse. You like calling women names and choking them so much it improves your orgasm? Get away from me.
[–]chokeychokeyFDS Disciple10 points11 points12 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Just thinking about the normalization of “daddy” makes me cringe. Oh God I’m glad I don’t say that shit anymore. It’s really fucked if you think about it. Straight up abuse is not a kink. People need to stop with this “kink shaming” nonsense.
[–]AdawritesrulesRuthless Strategist18 points19 points20 points 6 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Meh, I don’t think his reaction to this is a sign that he’s a good guy necessarily. There are men who will not be ok with this stuff but yet on the side they are watching child porn and/or paying prostitutes.
[–]AdawritesrulesRuthless Strategist5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Y’all deleted that scrote so fast I didn’t even get to write “Begone scrote!” Damn 😂
[–]SuchBarracudaFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
While I dont understand the enjoyment some ladies get at being degraded verbally during sex... hair pulled or being choked.. I warn all dudes/ladies who even say it as a stupid joke... If you're brave(stupid) enough to try it.. Don't get mad when my fight or flight kicks in and you end up getting stabbed, or at the very least hit very very hard. I take my personal safety fairly serious
[+][deleted] 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Leoza019 points20 points21 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Why?
[–]Gaki-fan-too0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think she meant the wanting to be called a "slut" thing is pathetic.
[–]april-then-may1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She should send this letter. It’s obvious that there is miscommunication about what she likes in the bedroom and what she doesn’t like. Telling her boyfriend could make him stop and respect her body.
© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.created by /u/dream-hunter
[–]Recommend_me_movies331 points332 points333 points (13 children) | Copy Link
[–]ASMR_BookclubFDS Newbie144 points145 points146 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]Recommend_me_movies56 points57 points58 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]genben55FDS Newbie40 points41 points42 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]SuchBarracudaFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Newwavesupport3657FDS Newbie22 points23 points24 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]ASMR_BookclubFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Newwavesupport3657FDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]natashaarikiFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Eleonora0FDS Newbie19 points20 points21 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]LateNightLattes01FDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]chinchillen2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Flabby2FitFoodie0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 156 points157 points158 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]morguerunnerFDS Newbie134 points135 points136 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Recommend_me_movies55 points56 points57 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]VerysoftbunFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]justanotherdumplingFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Salt_SatisfactionFDS Apprentice8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SuperbHalfFDS Newbie99 points100 points101 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]pickmieshaexorcistFDS Apprentice302 points303 points304 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]mscristalconnorsFDS Newbie36 points37 points38 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (5 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]4herlightFDS Newbie32 points33 points34 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]genben55FDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]4herlightFDS Newbie30 points31 points32 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]prepperella1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ello-mottoFDS Newbie159 points160 points161 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]onesidedandworried61 points62 points63 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]orchid447FDS Apprentice23 points24 points25 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]onesidedandworried0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]penhasinkFDS Newbie55 points56 points57 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]dahmerloveszombiesFDS Newbie20 points21 points22 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Newwavesupport3657FDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]_Crazy_Luck_FDS Newbie[S] 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Apprentice4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]blackredrosepetalsFDS Newbie49 points50 points51 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]girludontbringhomeFDS Newbie31 points32 points33 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 68 points69 points70 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]HottPinkSlugFDS Newbie52 points53 points54 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]chokeychokeyFDS Disciple10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AdawritesrulesRuthless Strategist18 points19 points20 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]AdawritesrulesRuthless Strategist5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SuchBarracudaFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (4 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]Leoza019 points20 points21 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Gaki-fan-too0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]april-then-may1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link