I was talking to someone today who admitted that she gave her boyfriend blowjobs daily because if she didn't, he would pout and make her life miserable until she did. HOLY SHIT.

This is crazy to me for several reasons. First of all, that is coercion, plain and simple. Second, she was laughing it off like she just thinks it's how men are. Third, she told me that in three years together he had never gone down on her because he thought women "smelled down there" and that she agreed! HOLIER SHIT!

Now, she hated going down on him. I don't blame her for that, it sounds like the whole sexual relationship is one sided and horrible. But she refused to see it as anything but normal, because in her 35 years on Earth that was her experience with men in general. In fact, she had never been with a man who had given her an orgasm, in spite of the fact that she can get off just fine in her own. She doesn't like sex, big shock.

It got me thinking about exploitation versus reciprocation, mainly due to her asking me one question: don't I ever just get my partner off without getting off myself?

Yes, actually, sometimes I do. Guess what? So does he. And that makes every bit of difference in the world.

I love giving blowjobs. Genuinely, I find it both a massive turn on and also a deeply intimate act. I only do it with people I am committed to and otherwise withheld it with people in the past who I was either just getting with or was not serious with. I may enjoy it but it is the special nature of the act that makes it enjoyable. I am not a sex doll who gets off on sucking just any dick.

If my husband did not enthusiastically go down on me in return, an act he is also super turned on by, I wouldn't do it or like it. For me, the chance of selflessly giving pleasure, the noises he makes, the reactions in his body and the closeness of oral sex make it fantastic. Just yesterday I gave him one and because I was on my period and personally prefer not to have sex during menstruation unless I'm at least half way through the week, I made the offer.

When I was done, my husband asked what he could do. Fingers? One of my toys? A back or foot rub? Cuddling? He wanted to reciprocate in any way that felt comfortable to me in that moment. I took the cuddling and kissing to increase the intimacy of the moment as I still didn't feel up to sex.

I cannot even imagine just having him expect me to do it, throw a tantrum if I didn't and then ever wanting to do it again.

What's the point of this post? There are so many ways that someone can make you feel valued for sexual effort and they aren't even all sexual. There is zero excuse for these worthless manchildren doing this to the women in their life. If the scenario she is facing sounds at all familiar to you and he is still in your life, toss him so hard to the curb that his useless ass bounces.

I couldn't convince her she deserves better because she claims that it is just how men are and that women aren't sexual like they are. That is 100% not the case. Never perform a sex act you aren't enthusiastic about and never, ever for someone who won't find a way that you personally want or need it to be returned.

Sex without reciprocation is cheap and exploitive. Any man who behaves that way doesn't see you as his equal and he sure as hell doesn't love you. And for fuck's sake, if he ever "pouts" because you won't touch his dick, make sure you never get it wet for him again.

The fucking nerve of some of these guys...