The process

d-xoxo · 2021-03-04T16:35:04+00:00

We all have our low points. If you are a deeply compassionate soul, that is even more challenging as it is second nature to humanize others and forgive their flaws. But it's so important I've learned to extend that forgiveness from a distance, with firm boundaries, and keeping your best interests in mind. You can coexist as a kind and compassionate individual with a strong sense of your own power, worth, and respect. I say this because often I've noticed it is these qualities that can translate to "caving in", especially when you're lonely.

Thanks for being honest and open about this.

haunted_vcr · 2021-03-04T17:22:19+00:00

Hey, the dream doesn't mean you're a pickmeisha. It was a nightmare to show you what you don't want. I also had horrifying dreams after getting out of a relationship with a LVM. It's kinda like PTSD lol, unfortunately these jerks do a number on you.

In real life you have your personal strength. :) We believe in you!

sanguine_duality · 2021-03-04T17:08:32+00:00

Yes. I’ve been single two years and I crave intimacy so much. I feel so lonely, the pandemic and being surrounded by couples doesn’t help. I’ve always had a hard time attracting men, now it’s even harder because of fds standards and radical feminism. I literally have no prospects. But I fight the pickmesha thoughts to avoid chasing men.

WildTenderness · 2021-03-04T17:47:14+00:00

It 100% is apart of the process. Personally, it took me nine months of reading FDS content regularly to finally start letting go of my attachment and "need" for men and physical intimacy. It's been sooo worth it though, I'm able to vet much more effectively and my mental space is so much more free.

outgrabed-momerath · 2021-03-04T19:32:32+00:00

Love this topic.

First off, research has shown it is common for dreams to alter your moods and behavior for up to a day after the dream. So if you are feeling especially defeated today, try to be patient with yourself and I bet you'll feel lighter tomorrow.

Secondly, there are many philosophers who believe the dream you is discretely different than the you in waking life. They are separate identities. So, the protagonist of your dream is showing a behavior you don't like, but that does not mean that is you and your current value system. Dream me has done some morally ambiguous things I would never condone in life haha.

Thirdly, I find my own craving for intimacy dies down when I cuddle my dog or have a sleepover with my gal friends. Try to be aware of when you are feeling calm and content. Is there a way for you to recreate those scenarios more often?

IndividualRoutine661 · 2021-03-04T14:59:01+00:00

Mildly off topic but my dreams are rarely pleasant, usually involving being naked at work/missing planes/finding out my partner is cheating etc. I just figure my mind is still working through some shit of the last few years. It just sounds a bit like some ur evolved anxiety you have.

all_or_nothing_bet · 2021-03-04T17:31:30+00:00

Yes, lonelines can be a bitch, making you betray yourself.

myoklife · 2021-03-04T15:09:59+00:00

I also have what I describe as pickme dreams. It's like a phantom limb. My brain has a very strong tendency to go into pickme mode and my dreams tell me that I have a lot of work to do to get rid of that mental habit. I also have dreams about other situations that no longer apply - final exams in college, etc. I wonder if this is also my brain going back to a hard wired pattern.

All speculative of course. the dreams do make me rather...depressed, almost ashamed when I wake up. I try to reflect on them and think critically about what my brain was inventing and why. Often I realize I am just bored. So I try to pick up a new book or project or something to give my brain a thing to do and practice, instead of going back to it's old cycles.

Hope that helps. You are not alone!

Woman_on_Pause · 2021-03-04T16:01:50+00:00

Also, Thank you for the reward :)

Mamma_Midnight · 2021-03-04T23:33:09+00:00

Maybe it wasn't just a dream but more like a nightmare? As an adult, my nightmares tend to be about my worst memories or my worst fears. This dream sounds like it could be a manifestation of a subconsious fear (that you'll behave like a pickmeisha and take back a cheating LVM). Or it's simply a reflection of the things you're thinking about in your daily life.

biggestsigh · 2021-03-04T16:13:57+00:00

I'm curious, if the theory that everyone in your dreams is a part of you.

That football player is a part of you, that friend who slept with him is you. All unintegrated parts of you.

then what is it inside of yourself that your subconscious is trying to get you to forgive? What part of yourself are you unforgivably mad at?

uptownxthot · 2021-03-05T10:24:21+00:00

it’s just a dream lol. i always have super crazy dreams where i make decisions i would never do with a conscious mind

Title	The process
Author	Woman_on_Pause
Upvotes	142
Comments	23
Date	March 4, 2021 2:36 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/lxlvxo/the_process/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/the-process.752445 https://theredarchive.com/post/752445

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