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[–]LucysFakeTitsFDS Newbie309 points310 points311 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
My ex called me a slut/whore/bitch all the time and when I would finally get fed up with being constantly insulted he would tell me how overly sensitive and stupid I am and that he was just joking. I will never miss being called sausage fingers or my having my belly fat or "saggy tits" mocked. My husband has never insulted my appearance or called me a mean name, we have had a few big fights and he has never stooped so low to start calling me names. We stick to what the issue is and always come to a resolution and apologize to each other when we get angry. It's so nice.
[–][deleted] 67 points68 points69 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm happy for you! You deserve the very best.
[–]q----qFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
girl if i could go back in time and bitchslap your ex i would. happy you’re out of that situation, your husbands kindness is the least of all that you deserve!
[–]quarterlyavocadoFDS Newbie133 points134 points135 points 5 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link
What’s the most effective response to the “I was just joking” line? Obviously block + delete if it’s a beau on the phone, but what about a coworker or casual acquaintance trying to undermine you in a group setting?
[–]Sparrow_143FDS Newbie90 points91 points92 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
In a professional setting my response is to let there be an awkward moment of silence, shoot them a mildly confused look then excuse myself. It makes them look like an a-hole.
In casual settings I just look at the person closest to me & say "Is this guy serious?". If he interjects with anything short of a sincere apology (ex. tries to double down, change the topic, ect.) I ask "Do I know you?" If his second response is still LVM drivel I tell him "I don't understand why you're speaking to me this way" & leave.
On side note, "Why are you speaking to me." is hilariously fun to say when someone's being rude & trying to cut you down in front of an audience.
[–]calming-teaFDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
In a professional setting my response is to let there be an awkward moment of silence, shoot them a mildly confused look then excuse myself. It makes them look like an a-hole
Ohhhhh i have done that as a response to kinda sexual harassment/sexist "jokes"
It felt great! (And a bit uncomfortable)
He stopped doing it quickly.
[–]oddcharmFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It pisses me off that we need to even think about this happening. I haaaaate when people act extra because they have an audience. Insecure bastards
[–]idhavetochargeFDS Newbie157 points158 points159 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Straight up look them in the eye and deadpan 'No Carl, jokes are funny and that wasn't even close to being funny'.
Let them be uncomfortable.
[–]smaller_angFDS Newbie24 points25 points26 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oooooooo I can feel the heat coming off this
[–]EmpoweredGoatFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
“Are you offensive on purpose or does it come naturally?”
[–]AotearoaCanuckFDS Disciple141 points142 points143 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
“I don’t get it” is the best response to sexist jokes. Pretend that you don’t understand their stupid/sexist/offensive joke and then watch them squirm. You will remain completely professional and he will look like an idiot. If they try and squirm out of it, don’t be afraid to ask them to explain further by saying things like “I’m just not getting what you’re saying” or “can you explain further?” Maintain an innocent and confused facial expression.
[–]quarterlyavocadoFDS Newbie39 points40 points41 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Unfortunately this doesn’t work for me! I blush at the slightest trigger so I have zero poker face
[–]AotearoaCanuckFDS Disciple30 points31 points32 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Do you blush when you kick men in the balls? LOL. I kid. I do not condone violence. I hope you find a strategy that works for you friend.
[–]PmMeYourFountainPensFDS Newbie56 points57 points58 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I do too. But I also get angry. They can call out my blush. I’ll gaslight them and say I’m not blushing and ask why they’re changing the subject. I asked you a question. What do you mean? Explain the “joke.”
[–]nonchalance77FDS Newbie24 points25 points26 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes. This tactic is called the sly fox.
[–]Shoddy_GlamFDS Newbie26 points27 points28 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My 14 year old daughter taught me this when I was 39!
She used it on the “mean girls” at school who stopped being mean because she was so stupid and that was fine with her while everyone laughed at who was really stupid. 😂
I even used it on my abusive ex when he called me a whore.
AB (his nickname AssBag) Me
AB: You fucking whore.
Me: <confused look> what?
AB: You’re nothing but a whore.
Me: Huh? I don’t get it?
AB: <getting angrier> What don’t you fucking get? How fucking stupid are you?
Me: What are you even talking about? Just explain???
AB: WHAT??
Me: what?
AB: <stares at me for 3 seconds> FUCK YOU!!! <storms out>
Now some of you may not see this as a funny or a win and in the little picture it’s not.
However, this saved crying, and begging from me and hours of berating from him. It also led to a little smile and a little ‘win’ on my side that built on the confidence to get the fuck out!
[–][deleted] 31 points32 points33 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I would tell them they're not funny, they are rude. I can take a joke, what I don't take is disrespect.
[–]PartypuppersFDS Apprentice12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If it were someone I didn't care for I'd probably turn the tables on them and start mocking them based on their appearance/ intelligence/ whatever and then say 'hey lighten up! I was just joking!' Giving them a taste of their own medicine seems to cut through to them.
But then I grew up in a rough neighborhood and I'm not afraid of confrontation or defending myself, and I can have a very offensive mouth when I choose to switch on that side of me.
[–]IAteTheDragonFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ask them over and over again to repeat it, like you didn't hear it, or misunderstood it. I promise that it makes even a funny joke and the joker feel super awkward and foolish.
[–]hollythorn101FDS Newbie84 points85 points86 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
There was a guy I had feelings for when I was in college. He once made a comment in a foreign language class, when the professor made us practicing making sentences about each other, that I was “stupid” and should “shop at the kid’s toy store” only for the professor to step in and tell him he was stupid and had to say three nice things about each woman in the class.
Sadly, he never learned his lesson, and I surely didn’t learn then about NVM.
[–]MissVvvvvFDS Newbie66 points67 points68 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I received a "send nudes" meme from a guy I've never been intimate with. Called him out & got the "I'm just joking!" bs reply. Couldn't remember the name of this meme at the time dammit! Blocked and deleted!
[–]intrepidis_duxFDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hit the nail on it's head there. I usually translate people proudly stating that they're 'Sarcastic' as this.
[–]yallloveFDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My narc read this and said hell yes. 😑
[+][deleted] 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]Emergency-Feed8216FDS Apprentice16 points17 points18 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I'm sorry you're experiencing such a rift. It's heartbreaking when things like this are happening in or around your own family.
Personally I never really trust women who let men behave this way. It's like the passive owner of a biting dog. You have to wonder if the dog is just an extension of the owner's covert aggression.
[+][deleted] 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Emergency-Feed8216FDS Apprentice0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It may be worse than you even know in which case she may be captor bonded. Hopefully one day she'll ask use the evidence you're gathering to break free, though it would be tragic if she needs it.
[–]thowawaywookieFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Why oh why??? Yes, I've seen women do this. How can you be an advocate for others when you have sold out your own for a NVM?!?!
[–]AotearoaCanuckFDS Disciple10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
ROFL. Stealing this!
[–]Nanac301Throwaway Account8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Ive had guys say straight up racist sh*t, then when i got angry they say they are joking. No its not a joke
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[–]LucysFakeTitsFDS Newbie309 points310 points311 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 67 points68 points69 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]q----qFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]quarterlyavocadoFDS Newbie133 points134 points135 points (19 children) | Copy Link
[–]Sparrow_143FDS Newbie90 points91 points92 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]calming-teaFDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]oddcharmFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]idhavetochargeFDS Newbie157 points158 points159 points
(2 children) | Copy Link
[–]smaller_angFDS Newbie24 points25 points26 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]EmpoweredGoatFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AotearoaCanuckFDS Disciple141 points142 points143 points
(5 children) | Copy Link
[–]quarterlyavocadoFDS Newbie39 points40 points41 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]AotearoaCanuckFDS Disciple30 points31 points32 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PmMeYourFountainPensFDS Newbie56 points57 points58 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]nonchalance77FDS Newbie24 points25 points26 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Shoddy_GlamFDS Newbie26 points27 points28 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 31 points32 points33 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PartypuppersFDS Apprentice12 points13 points14 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]IAteTheDragonFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]hollythorn101FDS Newbie84 points85 points86 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MissVvvvvFDS Newbie66 points67 points68 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]intrepidis_duxFDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]yallloveFDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (5 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]Emergency-Feed8216FDS Apprentice16 points17 points18 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]Emergency-Feed8216FDS Apprentice0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]thowawaywookieFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]AotearoaCanuckFDS Disciple10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Nanac301Throwaway Account8 points9 points10 points (1 child) | Copy Link