TIL Emotional Intimacy with men does not exist without tangible commitment

terribletimingtoday · 2020-06-01T21:11:57+00:00

I'll tell you that, with an emotionally stunted or emotionally unavailable man, even a tangible commitment won't get to emotional intimacy. They're incapable of providing what they don't possess.

umbralgarden · 2020-06-01T22:08:14+00:00

Whenever a guy starts talking to me about stuff that necessitates signifcant emotional labour on my part, I pull up this mental flow chart:

Is he a LVM/NVM? Ghost.
Is he a HVM? Ask the following:
--Does he have a therapist?

---If yes, tell him that's awesome and they can give good unbiased advice.

---If no, tell him there's great therapists who can help him with him. Maybe suggest one or two recources if you know of any.

Then proceed to offer some short words of understanding and sympathy, and change the topic/excuse yourself from the convo.

modernmedusaa · 2020-06-01T23:35:53+00:00

I think we need a new term for this:

'Drive-by therapy'- when an LVM is just tryna leech some free therapy & scoot off with his ego freshly stroked.

PR0N0IA · 2020-06-01T23:08:38+00:00

Idk if I can comment here because I’m a female married to a wonderful man so not in the dating world anymore (I didn’t see anything in the rules against it)....

This is true. When my husband and I started dating — he committed to an exclusive relationship well before we were ever physically intimate. A man needs to be committed to you before any emotional intimacy means anything to him.

My husband, who is former military (we met after he was out & in college), is pretty open with me to tactics LVM use in the dating world (I’ve asked in the past). The amount of ridiculous stuff they’ll talk to other men about is appalling... they’ll literally talk to you about emotional stuff not because of emotional intimacy but because they think it makes you more likely to be physically intimate. Then they’ll brag to their buddies about it... It was then that I realized a lot of the sob stories I heard on first and second dates in the past had probably been for this reason.

dzgata · 2020-06-02T00:22:30+00:00

Don’t be a therapist for a man who wants to talk about his ex, who he most likely did dirty. And then when he’s done leaching off of your free therapy services, he’ll jump right back to her or someone else. I’ve seen this happen SO OFTEN.

PsychologicalBeat2 · 2020-06-01T21:42:58+00:00

Sooner or later, all situationships implode in a similar way, happened to me as well. It's definitely a lesson learned!

greatcathy · 2020-06-02T00:21:47+00:00

Recommend "Why Men Love Bitches'" as well. She addresses this issue.

chateauduchat · 2020-06-03T06:35:32+00:00

Sometimes I think about how much I should’ve charged my exes during my shameful pickme days for the therapy and counseling sessions I provided for them

Title	TIL Emotional Intimacy with men does not exist without tangible commitment
Author	bentleysoverbfs
Upvotes	215
Comments	24
Date	June 1, 2020 8:31 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gusdc5/til_emotional_intimacy_with_men_does_not_exist/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/til-emotional-intimacy-with-men-does-not-exist.674671 https://theredarchive.com/post/674671

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