~ archived since 2018 ~
Popular
Other
BlueJeanMistress
[–]dembar126FDS Newbie 198 points199 points200 points 5 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link
"Closure" is essentially just the hope that the person who hurt you will say or do something that takes away your pain and allows you to move on instantly. This just doesn't happen. The truth is closure comes after grief, and grief takes time.
[–]Twolipz_78FDS Newbie 49 points50 points51 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What’s funny to me is when my LVX broke his balls to force me to break up with him that he began to stalk me and claimed he needed closure. I have had to go to the hospital three different times because of the health problems I have endured due to the stress I allowed him to cause. I need closure, sir!
[–][deleted] 42 points43 points44 points 5 years ago* (7 children) | Copy Link
This is so true. My father was so emotionally and psychologically abusive to me. He would terrify me with his contempt for me. He LOVED humiliating me.
He was diagnosed with cancer and had a few months to live. I lovingly supported him through chemo, radiation and finally palliative care. I had to dredge up kindness for a man who never considered me to be worthy or even human.
In my mind - i was hoping for a deathbed apology. "StevieBuckingham79 I am sorry for being such an abusive father. I love you and I hope you can forgive me"
Trigger warning - death cancer
Nope. Never got it. I was the last one to see him alive. The cancer was in his brain and bones and I was hand feeding him ice because his insides were burning up. He would be regurgitating his own body - and I would wipe the mess from his mouth. I made sure he was comfortable that night - and kissed him and told him I loved him
He died that evening.
I never had closure.
And I realised that deathbed confessions of love and acceptance only happens in the movies.
You are right. Closure comes after grief, and grief takes time.
[–]Midnight-writer-BFDS Newbie 22 points23 points24 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You’re a wonderful person to make him comfortable. I’m so sorry you had this experience.
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
thank you for your kind words x
[–]seashellsupplierThrowaway Account 12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
What you did is really selfless and you seem to have learned a lot from this experience. I hope it no longer weighs on you. I would like to tell other women though, that you don’t have to be sefless. Just because it’s ‘the right thing to do’ doesn’t mean you have to be the one to do it. My mom cared for her dying, abusive father, out of some sense of duty, and hoped he would apologize, but he never did. Protect your time and your heart, if he wants to offer an apology or an explanation he will do it regardless of your actions.
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you for your kind words x
[–]kinkardineFDS Newbie 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I highly suggest the book ‘Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents’ by Lindsay C.Gibson , this will help to understand what goes in their mind and most importantly not to fall a victim of this relationship pattern again since we are raised to fit the pattern.
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Thank you so much. I appreciate the suggestion. It is such a nuanced strange territory - psychological trauma is invisible and people don't believe you when you talk about it. So I don't.
Little things trigger you and people think you are a drama queen or "weird" or over emotional. I can be happy and normal one minute then a stress appears and I am in shock or survival mode.
Thank you again.
[–]kinkardineFDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hugs!
[–]bringtwizzlersFDS Newbie 38 points39 points40 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Yep. I sought closure after being ghosted from a 4 year relationship. I sought it for so long that I completely lost myself.
[–]2340000Ruthless Strategist 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
He ghosted after being with you for 4 fucking years?? Shit. I completely understand how painful that is. Healing takes such a long time. I hate the asinine saying, but I wish you the best in your recovery.
[–]haunted_vcrFDS Newbie 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Totally agree - closure is when you 100% give up hope they they will fix something or help you feel better, and take responsibility for moving on. It's truly accepting the person and situation for what they were, and not blaming yourself.
[–]BusinessTwistofLimeFDS Newbie 39 points40 points41 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Releasing myself from the need to know "why" they treated me badly stopped me from needing closure. The bad behavior was answer enough: they didn't respect me. Loving myself and valuing my time means that the bad behavior was enough to turn away from them and move on. Closure was just an excuse to extend emotional pain and suffering with the hope that somehow the other person would change their mind and start treating me better (#pickme).
[–]asowwFDS Newbie 35 points36 points37 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
100% true and yeah that's how I do obtain closure.
[–]Resident-Equipment95FDS Newbie 26 points27 points28 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m starting to realize this applies to friendships too. Women don’t get a free pass to disrespect you because you’re “friends” or they’re “joking”. We need to have high standards in all relationships: romantic and platonic.
[–][deleted] 19 points20 points21 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol I love it! So often I hear my lady friends talk about how they’re dying for closure, they’ve got to talk to him and get their cLoSuRe!!! Like it’s the most important thing in the world. I’m like, sis, closure doesn’t come from other people!! It can’t!! It comes from yourself! You gotta accept the reality of the situation and set yourself free.
[–]TB56FDS Newbie 18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The truth has been spoken!
[–]oddcharmFDS Newbie 17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My mindset is always “this relationship evidently wasn’t going to last forever, better if it ends now rather than later”
[–]officialvevoFDS Newbie 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yep. When my ex broke up with me after falling out of love with me several months before he actually ended it, I tore myself up thinking about why he did it, why he didn’t love me anymore when I knew he used to. Then one day, I realized that it was just because he wasn’t shit. And from that point on, I never shed another tear over him again.
© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.created by /u/dream-hunter
[–]dembar126FDS Newbie 198 points199 points200 points (15 children) | Copy Link
[–]Twolipz_78FDS Newbie 49 points50 points51 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 42 points43 points44 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]Midnight-writer-BFDS Newbie 22 points23 points24 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]seashellsupplierThrowaway Account 12 points13 points14 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]kinkardineFDS Newbie 6 points7 points8 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]kinkardineFDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]bringtwizzlersFDS Newbie 38 points39 points40 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]2340000Ruthless Strategist 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]haunted_vcrFDS Newbie 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BusinessTwistofLimeFDS Newbie 39 points40 points41 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]asowwFDS Newbie 35 points36 points37 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Resident-Equipment95FDS Newbie 26 points27 points28 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 19 points20 points21 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TB56FDS Newbie 18 points19 points20 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]oddcharmFDS Newbie 17 points18 points19 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]officialvevoFDS Newbie 7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link