What do you do when you’re already doing everything right?

Annallve · 2020-03-02T01:52:39+00:00

Write a list of all his red flags and how he’s trash, read it whenever you think about him

Soulsalts · 2020-03-02T01:55:32+00:00

One thing that really helped me was actively and willfully changing how I thought and felt towards myself.

It sounds woo woo, but besides doing self-loving actions (which it seems like you're already doing), it really is valuable to give yourself words of love. Like, just praise yourself for every little thing and tell yourself you love yourself, in your head, as you would do aloud for a child or lover. Thank yourself, call yourself by cute nicknames, etc.

A mental exercise that can help you get started is to imagine being your ideal man and adoring yourself as him (or her if your ideal lover is a woman). Whisper sweet nothings to yourself, adore the different parts of your body and your endearing mannerisms.

Use your own imagination to come up with ways to lavish love on yourself from every angle. For me, this has been the game-changer. It has visible, practical results, like magic.

Spice_Cat_Puccino · 2020-03-02T01:42:59+00:00

It took me one year to truly feel that I've moved on, to feel that I've forgotten him a bit.

Give yourself some time to just focus on yourself. He shouldn't be in your mind, vampiring your energy when you'll be ready to date.

aclumsygirl · 2020-03-02T01:50:26+00:00

The old saying is that it takes half as long as the relationship lasted to fully get over it. So if your RL was longer than a year... sure, it can take that long. If you're making improvements and moving forward, then you're doing fine!

2020-03-02T02:24:51+00:00

I recommend checking out sarahbcoaching on Insta, she has some posts and IG TVs that might help

Edit: if you’re really feeling down at some points I would look up on google, “distress tolerance DBT” for some ideas as to what to do in the moment. Tolerating and sitting with those deep heavy feelings is as much a skill as any other.

Edit 2: Also some ShallonXO videos on confidence

ghygdryhchmmmmjj · 2020-03-02T02:52:17+00:00

Took me two years. Because doing everything right is what you do. Behind the scenes your brain is problem solving while you sleep, working through the trauma so yo speak. Wheb you feel stagnated its good to shake things up with some therapy or therapeutic books. Keep doing the things you're doing because when are finally all better you will be so happy at where you're at. Anger gives me more motivation than anything else unfortunately. It's when I'm happy that I struggle to work out! Harness the anger for sure if you have any

2020-03-02T02:22:45+00:00

Time. Just time really. Takes everyone a different amount. Therapy might help too. Some places do sliding scale.

VikingPug · 2020-03-02T03:34:04+00:00

I listen to Michael Bolton’s Time, Love and Tenderness..I really do! Love yourself, be tender to yourself and let time pass. Make a list of things YOU really want to do. For example I like to get my nails done, go to the zoo, the movies by myself, an art museum, work on a home project or decorate your apartment, work on your wardrobe or your diet, read a new book, hang out at a book store. There are SO many cool things you can do. Breath, breath in fresh air. When you start to think of LVM do these things.

And seriously, blast that Michael Bolton song!

AntiCircles · 2020-03-02T13:15:05+00:00

Invest in other women

fdsstudent · 2020-03-02T02:01:13+00:00

[deleted]

curlygirl507 · 2020-03-02T12:27:13+00:00

Yes, this is normal. I'm only just now getting over an ex that I only dated for a few months and haven't seen since July 2018. Just take it one day at a time.

2020-03-02T15:06:12+00:00

Hey, I've been in a similar place as you. iirc, and I don't really, because it was so unimportant - at six months I probably was still crying everyday from feeling like a freak. It's been about one year for me, and between being "replaced" by a teenager (poor girl!) practically the day after the break up and then blocked by him a month later (in the middle of tying up business matters, no less), my head's been really clear lately. A lot of my problem was that I started confusing his thoughts with mine, in a bid to understand him better, but now that I've seen how much my family, co-workers, and friends - old and new - actually appreciate me and treat me with respect and kindness, I've realised that I can be myself.

There's a lot of good advice in this thread, but I'll say that not thinking of relationships in terms of "failed" or "successful" helped me a lot, especially because those were descriptions that my ex liked to throw about, and I absolutely did not like them. It just didn't sit right.

I think it's a low LV mindset to think that a relationship is a failure if it doesn't work out. You don't agonize over messing up a recipe, because you're still going to keep cooking, right? Life is relationships, not necessarily romantic. This was just one of many - one that you may have overvalued. Chin up! :)

Throwaway0220170 · 2020-03-02T15:15:26+00:00

Read ''Why does he do that?'' by Lundy Barcroft.

Title	What do you do when you’re already doing everything right?
Author	fdsstudent
Upvotes	51
Comments	22
Date	March 2, 2020 1:39 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fc4hh1/what_do_you_do_when_youre_already_doing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/what-do-you-do-when-youre-already-doing-everything.681137 https://theredarchive.com/post/681137

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