What is your advice on dealing with insecurity about your looks? What is your opinion on the concept of "looksmaxxing"? I am relatively attractive, but not being "good enough" for a partner is a big fear of mine. I feel it's my responsibility to be perfect looking or else it's my fault if he strays.

abundant_redundancie · 2020-07-03T03:26:10+00:00

Remember. In long term stable relationships people are attracted to personality first, love and commitment make your special person a 10 in your eyes. Concerned to this extent about your looks pleasing a man is only going to attract shallow men who will use and abuse you. If he strays because you dont look like a perfect model he was a shitty man, and that has nothing to do with you. I cannot stress enough how you can start by reading the FDS recommended materials, and work on improving your love for yourself. Instead of being all "do I deserve him" try to rewire your brain to be "does he deserve me?" You are the prize that needs to be wooed and persued, not the other way around!

Bitchkittenzz · 2020-07-03T03:36:01+00:00

I feel any woman that loves herself will in turn take care of herself and whatever that looks like for her own personal journey that’s what should be accepted by a loving and supportive partner...if they don’t, well, that has nothing to do with you not doing “enough”. Boy bye.

StormyL · 2020-07-03T03:14:35+00:00

You can have perfect supermodel looks and a man will still look at other girls. Theres always an excuse for them. Take pride in your looks, look how you want. Be the bad bitch you want to be and dont worry about what men think. There'll always be plenty that think you're a goddess even when you don't think you do 💞

radical__daphne · 2020-07-03T04:54:46+00:00

Go no makeup and meet men that way. They will still want you. Then you'll know he likes how you look.

diorgasm · 2020-07-03T13:44:02+00:00

I’ve been down this road and it leads nowhere good , trust me. did you have an absent or indifferent father figure growing up?
Men can and will cheat and abuse no matter what you look like. Its contrary to what society teaches us , that Constant self improvement will protect you from harm, but its not true.

Because I focused on my looks (ugly duckling) , I became a porch light for narcissists and sociopaths. They complemented me in the beginning but lost interest quickly. I would work harder on having bigger hair , smaller waist , perfect manicure , etc... and I never stopped to ask myself if I was interested in THEM. They were shallow and cruel , and together we looked good, but I felt like Rose on the titanic who wanted to fling herself off the ship.

2020-07-03T07:39:46+00:00

Turn you focus outward, is he good enough for you? Is he attractive enough? Is he monogamous/faithful no matter what's put in front of him or how bad a day he's having?

Looksmaxxing is fine if it's balanced with everything else, it's not a fix all. Start on softmaxx and only hardmaxx where there is a major problem (eg like a broken nose or orthodontic issues, NOT things like implants and face lifts on young women), hardmaxx is invasive and risky and if they mess it up you will never look fresh and natural again, it's for things that are likely to cause issues for your health or wellbeing down the line (if they aren't already) not for tweeking, tweeks are best addressed with softmaxx and compensation in other areas.

You need to get past feelings of insecurity or men will take advantage of it, considering how men try and test women you'll attract that kind of scam if you don't stand up for yourself because you'll wave through behaviour you should be shutting down.

RadarFemef · 2020-07-03T14:27:56+00:00

It’s really not about how good you look, because your value doesn’t come from your looks. It really doesn’t.

spin_the_globe · 2020-07-03T16:06:38+00:00

If someone wants to cheat, he'll cheat, and what you look like won't stop him. If the only part of yourself you value and work on is your appearance, that's all you'll have to go on. You're worth more than that. Value your entire self.

rinabean · 2020-07-03T16:28:26+00:00

Some of the most beautiful women in the world have been cheated on (and maybe the other ones have too and we just don't know). You will never be too attractive for a man to cheat on. If a man cheats on you, it comes from him, not you. Your part is to not pick a cheating man and to leave a man who cheats on you, that's all.

Salt_Satisfaction · 2020-07-03T14:12:51+00:00

Not thinking about it is the best way imo. Focus on all your good points but don't obsess about those either. You just need one thought in that regard: you're attractive, period.

It doesn't matter how much more or how much less, because in the end it's not useful to think that way.

You could be a model or you could be a McChicken, there are guys who would fuck anything.

Kristeninmyskin · 2020-07-03T22:32:43+00:00

You might want to browse our sister sub r/FemaleLevelUpStrategy! I’m not actively dating myself right now, just trying to level up and work on myself.

I think real confidence starts from within, helping others and accomplishing goals. There’s a book in our handbook’s recommended reading called the Subtle Art of Not Giving A F_! Maybe that might be helpful!

commanderquill · 2020-07-03T12:16:48+00:00

1) Do away with the make-up for a bit. If you wear make-up often and are used to seeing how YOU look in it, you'll become used to that image and get increasingly appalled by how you look without it. Make-up is to enhance your natural beauty, not fool yourself into thinking you're ugly.

2) Keep a journal, and every morning after you're done waking up but before you head out, sit down and write your 3 favorite things about yourself. Don't do all personality every time--because if you're insecure about your looks, you will want to. Then, for the rest of the day, every time you look in the mirror, remember what you wrote down that morning and say it, word for word, in your head. Word for word. Voice in your head. Every time you look in the mirror. Every day at least one of your favorite things should be different, and every day you say that day's favorite things to yourself. Because believe it or not, you DO have favorite features. As you go on, they'll become more detailed.

I, personally, love my eyes and hair (when it doesn't have split ends). Would never change them. I love my eyebrows when I don't pick at them in my anxiety until there isn't anything left. I love that I love to write, because I can do it for free, and I get to be one of the people in the world who can get others lost from the world for a while. I love that little things make me happy, like flowers or sunshine or fingerpaint. I love that I reached out when I needed help and it improved my life. I love the little crescent moon birthmark I have above my bellybutton and the tiny freckle I have under my left eye.

I also hate my acne. I hate that I can grow a beard (genetic disorder). I hate that my hips dislocate often. I hate that I can't draw. I hate that I hate dogs, because people hate me for it. I hate my nose. I could go on and on and ON about all the things I hate about myself. All of us could. All of us DO. But if I erased this last paragraph and all you read about me was the above, you'd consider me a pretty confident person. Because there's a lot of things to love about myself too. I just need to remind myself of what those are, because otherwise, they'll get so swiftly lost in the tide of what I don't. Do the same and I promise you'll start looking in that mirror differently.

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