What to say when you get a low effort date

lachlensland · 2019-12-10T02:18:14+00:00

Generally I say I prefer dinner dates and either they back off or step up. If they go on a rant ab gold diggers or similar after that it’s a block.

rftw2013 · 2019-12-10T05:09:01+00:00

"Sure, I'd like to meet you. I'm available for dinner on Tuesday or Wednesday."

"Coffee is for business meetings. I don't do coffee for dates."

alivebut-justbarely · 2019-12-10T05:31:46+00:00

For coffee and drink dates- "No thank you, I'm avoiding caffeine/alcohol right now/on weeknights/whatever."

This usually gets them to step up and ask me to dinner.

If they suggest that you drink decaf or get a mocktail, just unmatch. He's low value af.

pinkyberries · 2019-12-10T12:48:54+00:00

I feel like it depends on what type of date you get asked to

If you get asked on a bar/coffee date, don't ghost yet. Give him a 'chance' by telling him you feel like it would be easier to get to know each other on a dinner date, if he does not take that 'chance' to invite you to dinner or if he rants/insists on taking you to that bar/coffee date, ghost. A HVM will rise to your standards instead of trying to lower them. He is looking for low maintenance and is mainly low effort, this is a LVM.

If you get asked on a netflix&chill/chill at his place/car 'date' or whatever 0 respect 'date' he's able to come up with, he will not rise to your standards. He is not looking to get to know you and he is not looking for a relationship, you telling him you're only interested in dinner dates is a waste of time. Ghost him.

TheOGJammies · 2019-12-10T02:41:06+00:00

You just have to tell you you’d prefer to meet in a more neutral environment and name the restaurants you want to go to. Tell him where you’re going.

Illustrious_Drive · 2019-12-10T02:11:03+00:00

I would either ghost or just say I’m not interested anymore.

I’m on a mission to find a HVM. Ain’t got no time to waste explaining these things to these people!

raggedclaws_silentCs · 2019-12-10T10:22:35+00:00

I got “let’s keep it casual and get ice cream.” I don’t know how you respond to that other than to ghost.

ontherailstoday · 2019-12-10T11:44:36+00:00

"Sorry I've got a dinner date that day with someone else."

Then you wait and see if he's still in the game.

Ms_Tilly · 2019-12-10T02:18:23+00:00

The last woman on here who let a guy know she preferred dinner dates was told "yeah good luck with that". So it's probably best to turn down such a weird, low effort date.

_HEDONISM_BOT · 2019-12-10T22:49:27+00:00

You never give them full availability. You let them come to you with plans.

If a guy asks if you want to do something on Friday, reply with a yes but no type of reply ... for example: "I might have plans that night but they're not fully solid at this point, why? What were you thinking?".

He'll get back with " maybe we could [low-effort date idea] at [low-effort place or his house]".

you then have the ability to say something like "Let me get back to you about this tomorrow".

Ideally, you are an avid FDS reader and NEVER date one guy at a time. Dude #2 texts you, wanting to go out on Friday as well and he suggests something higher effort, at a higher quality place and you tell this guy "sure, sounds like fun".

Then you get back to guy #1 with the low-effort idea and tell him you're busy.... "maybe next week". and DO NOT BE AVAILABLE. HE IS IMMEDIATELY DOWNGRADED AND LOSES ACCESS TO YOU. If you previously texted him back instantly, he now has to wait AT LEAST 2 HOURS for a reply to EACH text. Texts and calls after 6 p.m. on most weekdays are answered the next day. He only gets replies from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. and ONE REPLY every 2 hours, at least. He has to work for increased access to your time and affections.

the nerve.

whoooocarez · 2019-12-10T04:35:44+00:00

If a guy says, “how about drinks?” You can come back with - “sure, I’d love to, after dinner at X restaurant. It just opened in Y neighborhood, the reviews are incredible.” You can make your wishes known in a way that adds to the interaction. If he’s like “uhhhh...” then ofc delete.

toleodo · 2019-12-11T14:20:14+00:00

Throw in “okay, want to grab dinner before/after”, that is actually what guys used to do when I would suggest coffee/drinks when I was online dating (in relationship now so these examples of effort tbf are from a year and a half ago). I was DEEP in disordered eating issues so I feared any food occasion which is why I was doing such a thing (and clearly not FDS enlightened) but no matter what, the coffee/drink dates just sucked for the most part and I ended up having better dates when I agreed to restaurants and just evaluated the menus prior for something I felt was safe to order. I just can’t believe how prevalent it is getting so quickly for them to act like a meal is too much effort, like actual dodging of it when you guys bring up preferring meal dates? Good lord.

Title	What to say when you get a low effort date
Author	glj901
Upvotes	24
Comments	25
Date	December 10, 2019 2:05 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/e8jz7m/what_to_say_when_you_get_a_low_effort_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/what-to-say-when-you-get-a-low-effort-date.687187 https://theredarchive.com/post/687187

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