Hi ladies,

I’d like to share a profound realization I’ve only recently had that would have saved me thousands of hours of time and heartache. It is impossible to be friends with men or at least cis heterosexual men as a cis hetero woman.

Let me explain. I’m pushing 30 and I’ve had lots of male friends over the years in school and college. What I now realize is that men are only truly friends with men. My friendships with men as a woman have been based on performing emotional labor for them where they see me as a mom or sister or helping role. They’ve never really watched out for my well being or come through for me when I needed it or helped me advance in career in the way they have for other MEN. Women on the other hand have really been there for me unconditionally without reciprocity.

The only times men have been there for me are when they’re hoping to date me or are friends with my male significant other etc. I’m now married and I’ve noticed my husband doesn’t have close female friends either. He’s a great son husband etc but the only time he really goes out of his way to help women are if they’re his family or family of male friends or my close friends.

I’m curious ladies- does this echo your experience with men as well? Curious to hear from single/married and cis hetero/LGBTQ women too.