The anxiety of searching for a mate keeps women shackled in a prison of insecurities, and keeps them from achieving their true intellectual, spiritual, and moral potential. Intellectually, women are distracted from pondering on deeper, important life questions when their brainpower is consumed by the minutiae of singledom: worrying about when a man when will respond to you, worrying about what to say, etc. Similarly in the spiritual and moral realm, we are selfishly consumed by this quest for a mate upon which we hinge our self-worth and value. This constant obsession with our actions and image which stem from the scrutiny we are faced with in the dating pool can make us unpleasant and distracted with respect to our loved ones and causes we care about. Being single for many years can lead to self absorption, not from a lack of character, but from the search for approval in our personalities and image from men. We look to men as our guiding light for good behavior and good image, but men's idiosyncrasies cause us to change ourselves frequently and be swept up in this current of "self-improvement" to attract a male which will never end. We do all this instead of searching within ourselves and our communities for unshakeable values. Here are the 3 stages women normally go through in their journey to enlightenment aka freedom from the anxieties of finding a mate.

Neophyte Level: Thinking Men Will Not Love You for Who You Really Are

This first level is sadly the most common. It is the furthest from "enlightenment", and the one that consumes the most mental energy and anguish on the women's part. She worries her looks/personality/whatever it is, will not be sufficiently worthy of a man's love and affection. She feels she needs to change her true self in some unnatural way (I don't mean the basic self-improvements that we all can use such as patience, I'm talking complete aberrations from the woman's essence). Women absolutely must strive to overcome this neophyte level. I am not here to explain how, as this process will look different for all women. But the bottom line is you must TRULY believe that you, in your entirety, is wonderfully unique and worthy of love.

Intermediary Level: Knowing Men Will Love You but Thinking You'll Have to Settle

An oftentimes natural next step after the Neophyte level. You've accepted you're worthy of love in your truest form. You know there are men out there who will Truly love you for who you are. But these are not men who you would ever be interested in or want to be with permanently. Your personality is Enough! But.. for some. It's not enough to attract the man you truly want. There is a difference between the neophyte and intermediary level, which is that you do not feel as though you must change for Any man who shows you even the slightest bit of affection. However, you may still be willing to change for a man who you perceive as Worthy as compared to other men. Or, if you're unwilling to do that, you've resigned yourself to settling for someone you don't truly respect or love or whatever, but who you know is devoted to you. This may seem like a fine compromise, but it will still lead to a lifetime of anxieties and uncertainties that will prevent you from tapping into your true potential.

Enlightened: There Will Always Be Men Who are Worthy and Who Will Love Me

Unbotheredness. Peace. Tranquility. You recognize the importance men play in your life. If you want to be a mother, you recognize that choosing the wrong mate and father will be infinitely worse than raising kids alone. But you know that there are men out there who are Good and whom you desire, who will desire you back and accept you wholeheartedly. However, meeting them is a matter of chance and sometimes the cards don't land in your favor. Whether or not you've met these men, you know they exist, but the anxiety and fear of meeting them melts away. You are worthy of love and there are men out there who will be worthy of receiving your love. You focus on other important aspects of your life and trust that the right path for you, whether that be with a Worthy man or not, will reveal itself in due time.