I recently saw a discussion on one of the dating subreddits. It was written by a guy asking for advice because he rejected his roommate and she was upset about it.

What happened in the story? Two 30-year-old people lived in a single apartment. The woman had a boyfriend; the man was single. They were ostensibly great friends, to the point where they cuddled when watching movies together; the woman's boyfriend supposedly didn't mind.

This idyll ended when she was dumped because her boyfriend got a good job somewhere else and didn't want a long-distance relationship. She spent two weeks moping and drinking, then decided to lift her ego up a bit. When watching movies with the guy, she first tried to kiss him out of nowhere, then grabbed his dick. Somehow, this and telling him that she was going to get fucked by a random stranger in the bar, but she already knows and trusts him, didn't convince him to pursue this incredible prize. He tried to tell her she was still in emotional pain, and it wasn't the best moment to have sex with her; she got pissed at him, called him a jerk and left.

I've never seen so much bad advice under one post. If this were a guy who grabbed his female roommate by the pussy, tried to get her to sleep with her, and then got pissy when she refused, everyone would have known what to do. He'd be (rightly) called a sex pest, and the woman advised to cut contact as soon as possible. What happened there, when the genders were reversed?

  • Some people straight out told him that he was stupid to refuse her because he had an opportunity to score with someone he considered attractive.
  • Some empathized with the woman, telling him to understand her position, as she was effectively rejected twice.
  • While acknowledging she did a fucked up thing, many posters told the OP to "continue to be her friend" and "talk it out with her," effectively putting the burden of making this right on him.
  • Other posters went even further, suggesting her behavior suggests she might have feelings for him and suggesting he enter a relationship with her.
  • Most praised him for not taking advantage of a poor woman who mourned her relationship, which wasn't probably the best portrayal of what actually happened, given that she tried to sleep with him for validation.
  • The OP was upset with the notion that he might have been sexually assaulted because he considered her attractive and would gladly sleep with her, just not at that moment when she was a mess.
  • Some posters mentioned that women can't take rejection, giving plenty of examples but never getting to the bottom line.

I mean... No shit that they can't take rejection, given that society seems to normalize such behavior. Lack of "enthusiastic consent" suddenly becomes a minor issue at best when it's about the right to someone's dick.

It seems to be caused by several misconceptions that seem like a relic of earlier times, and I'm amazed that people still believe them. This would be:

  1. Every man will always want to have sex with an attractive woman; therefore, if he ever refuses a woman, it means she's ugly and unwanted.
  2. Men want sex, and women don't; therefore, if a woman wants to sleep with a man, he should consider it a privilege.
  3. Women are too emotional and can't think for themselves, so it's on men to protect them from making poor decisions and their consequences.
  4. Aggression and entitlement are proof that they care and are great indicators that you have a chance with that person.

Feminism is supposed to have already debunked these beliefs, so it looks like it shouldn't be a problem in today's political climate. Yet, somehow, it is, and it appears it's on us to demand our consent is also respected.