Question about coping up with loneliness

limpanlimp · 2019-07-28T16:29:41+00:00

I don’t, it’s terrible when it hits.

Setari · 2019-07-29T01:33:40+00:00

Yeah after moving out on my own it's gotten 100% worse for me. My job load has increased 100% too and it's driving me into the ground bit by bit.

I can't own a pet because I'm too lazy to take care of them (and they're expensive for rent where I live or else I probably would have gone to find my previous 2 chihuahuas I gave away to a shelter) and I have people at work I talk to and try to make friends with outside of work, but most of them have their own lives and don't want to associate with me outside of work.

My one best friend also has a gf + her kids and has his own life. I'm just taking everything a day at a time, really but man it's a drag to not have anyone to talk to at home.

ausgamer529 · 2019-07-29T01:50:54+00:00

I try to just not think about it and push it down inside like a real man would

SparkMarcus · 2019-07-29T05:08:46+00:00

The important part is that women aren't the cure for loneliness.

Lexov88 · 2019-07-29T09:53:17+00:00

I know how you feel man. I am lucky to have a few good friends who support my lifestyle and have my back. There's only 2/3 of them and I don't see them very often, but it helps. Otherwise I read and exercise a lot and am planning to take up regular hobbies after summer.

WildChad · 2019-07-29T17:56:49+00:00

I don't think MGTOW can be called, or should be called an ideology.

What is the feeling behind what you call loneliness?

Whenever I feel "lonely", it's usually just been the lack of having had face time with other people.

I used to have it much more also when I still had emotional issues from my childhood that created a void inside me... Once I resolved those childhood emotional issues, I've since enjoyed my own company so much that I don't really ever feel lonely, as the root of loneliness is the lack of something you feel inside that you want other people to fill in.

So maybe you should think if there is something that is causing you to feel partial when it comes to feeling satisfied about who you are as a person emotionally speaking. It could be that your parent did some damage in there and you feel you need some kind of social approval or validation in order to feel good inside or something similar to that if you have troubles with being alone and the feeling of loneliness. If you are young, then I think it's a bit more common to feel lonely as a man. Part of it is Blue Pill programming too as it is so deeply programmed in so many movies etc. where it's portrayed that when someone is left alone sad music starts playing etc. - We are pretty free to choose our feelings about something via changing our thinking - If we don't do that, then one of these pre-programmed defaults often kick in and that's how we are manipulated to behave in a certain way as a whole.

There's also difference when it comes to different exercise... If your exercise is just running and cardio overall, that can actually have your stress hormones elevated contrary to for example strength training which would instead promote Testosterone and other hormones that to men act as a buffer against such "female" emotions.

Novelty as a lifestyle might also do good too.
You said in response elsewhere that it's not easy to meet similar aged men as you work a lot, but maybe you could join some hobby groups, casual sports groups, make up a meetup . com group if you don't have anything available where you could do whatever with whoever...

You also said elsewhere as a response that you detest pop culture topics so do the above with any of your most niche interests ...
I think this could be the thing as it is easy to feel lonely especially in a group who see the world very differently than you do. When you interact with people who are "refreshingly like minded" you never feel lonely... I'd take this could be a big hint on what you need to do when it comes to finding some company.

Think about the 8-10 year old you, what you liked to do, break down your interests and values... What kind of things you watch on YT, what kind of series.... Anything to make it more clear to what kind of niche things you enjoy. If you like particular kind of music or an artist, go see their live performances and you'll feel right at home with the people who you meet... It could as well be that you are just different than most people you regularly surround yourself with and just need to find your kind of freaks if you know what I mean.

Renegade_01 · 2019-08-01T20:41:58+00:00

Friends will let you down...eventually. I lift weights 3 times a week and ride motorcycles on non workout days. It keeps my shit straight.

Loneliness is an illusion. All of us are dying alone.

avtarius · 2019-07-29T01:29:19+00:00

Being along and feeling lonely are mutually exclusive. People can feel lonely even while surrounded by acquaintances, although they may not consciously recognise it as loneliness.

Which of your preferred activities allow for physical/virtual social interaction ? Do you feel you need more social interaction ? Because we can't escape social currency in a normal civilisation and it does help you progress.

So long as you're including yourself by choice in situations where it allows for attraction of others in similar and better mindsets, you're doing it right.

dhjekeje · 2019-07-28T16:43:01+00:00

Feel the same way

taco_smasher69 · 2019-07-28T19:26:38+00:00

Whenever I feel this way I think back to when I was married to a woman that refused to have sex with me for most of our marriage, freaked out when I watched porn, and didn’t let me touch her for most of our time together. Being married and feeling lonely is 100000x worse than being single and lonely. I fucking guarantee it.

Dopeboy108 · 2019-07-28T16:49:26+00:00

I work second shift...and a ton of mandatory 16 hour shifts into night shift. My social life isnt that great lol. But I visit friends and have friends visit a few times a month. Otherwise hangout with neighbors or wander up to the bar and chat with drunks. I still hookup with chicks a few times a month. In my opinion it's better to get a lay once in awhile. Makes it much better than everyday cause you get used to it and get bored. Dont believe in the monk thing. I think its unhealthy and we are naturally social creatures. At least to a point.

30203forever · 2019-07-29T01:53:15+00:00

Male friends. A dog if you have time for it perhaps....

DangZagnut · 2019-07-28T17:08:57+00:00

I just feel like some support system/ companionship would be better during those low, lonely times.

I don't feel lonely, or if I am "lonely" which is more just wanting to go out somewhere, I can get all those needs met just by sitting in a bar or going to the market for food or something.

You should try and figure out why you feel that way.

Loneliness implies you're missing something, that there's some sort of hole.

There's a couple major reasons people feel lonely:

they lack data input and want someone to provide entertainment,
they have an emotional problem and want to vomit it up to someone else.

So which one (or another) are you experiencing?

If the former, then listen to a podcast of people talking, provide your own entertainment, or get that data input out somewhere there are people and just experience and observe those around you. You don't have to interact with them unless you want to.

If the latter, then you need to find the root cause of what your emotional issue is. If you need a "support system" the implication is that you're incapable of supporting yourself. Which means you want to use people as a crutch, and there's nothing you can't handle on your own but it takes work. It's the equivalent of saying you have to have a personal trainer, when you can just look at YT videos or a website about how to diet and exercise. If you want companionship get a ~~heterosexual life mint~~ dog or something.

Ok-Cappy · 2019-07-28T17:22:33+00:00

My contribution here:

Examine those small things you would normally not notice when you are otherwise busy. Take care of/play with a pet. Watch videos of comedians you like. Go out to a pub for a drink and to gab. call a friend or a family member and see how they're doing. Listen too or play music. Work on/get excited about a hobby of yours. get on an internet forum and BS for awhile - check exercise - check read - check

Loneliness is nature's way to force us to interact with each other...ultimately to make more babies. But sometime a little laughter, a thrill, a chat, a little dance in your own living room is enough to the alleviate that instinct if it become too intense.

Methodless · 2019-07-28T17:39:19+00:00

Maybe I'm unique, but I never feel lonely.

There are times in fact where I kind of wish I could be alone, just for a short period like a weekend of not leaving the house.

The thing is, I do a lot of things, and I enjoy doing a lot of things that force me to interact with people. I'm going my own way in that I am not doing it TO meet people, nor do I want a partner, but between hobbies and volunteering and even hanging out with people at work, I'm generally relieved to be home alone for a little while.

Impossible-asset · 2019-07-28T17:40:52+00:00

Human beings are social creatures. It is natural to want to have interaction with others.

Now if joining an activity club doesnt do it, but its actual intimacy you're craving, you can hire a good escort for an hour, but that's pretty temporary, and usually not worth the expense.

If it's just someone to talk to during the low times, hit the pub. Just dont go there to drown in alcohol. Just talk to people. Learn about them. Ask questions. Before you know it you'll find that feelings of loneliness have evaporated quickly because your focus has shifted from you to someone else.

Now it it just doesnt seem to want to go away, then do the same thing that will lessen physical pain. Meditate on it. Cognitively. For example, a day or two after hitting the gym really hard, I can be really sore with the delayed onset muscle soreness. But meditating on what is happening in the moment is a great help in making it become more "quiet". I stretch and really initiate the pain and tell myself "you're in pain. The sensation is from your muscles being damaged, and your body is repairing it. The sensation is one that is transmitted up your spine and into your brain. You then interpret this as a sensation of physical pain. Once your body has healed the damage, the inflammation response will fade, and you'll feel better. For now, this is your condition." Doing this doesnt make me less sore, but it does make me know WHY I'm sore. Conscious of it, and I care less THAT I'm sore.

The same thing can be applied to feelings of lonliness, which everyone struggles with from time to time. Acknowledge that yes, you are feeling lonely and that that is ok to feel. For me, it usually happens when all my work is finished and maybe there is a long weekend and I have no plans, and would want someone to share in an activity with me. So I could go to a hiking meetup if that's what I'm feeling. Or just go play guitar down at the beach. Always somebody stops to chit-chat a bit around sunset. But I do make sure I GET OUTSIDE AND GO SOMEWHERE. I dont fall into a screen and just try and numb it out with video games or movies until the feeling "goes away". (It will come back worse).

If its intimate desire I want, I remind myself that yes, women offer that comfort, but it is fleeting. I know that it always comes at a price that I have intentionally walked away from. I recall how I was treated in the past. Trying to keep her happy. Spending my money for her. Working extra-hard and being exhausted. Shit-tests and nagging and of course, the eventual cheating. Is it worth it? All of the things I enjoy now in my life that solitude provides me. What's for dinner? Whatever I want. What time am I getting up on the weekend? Whenever I want. I remind myself if going through that again would be worth trading a few fleeting moments of "not being lonely" for. And while I may still FEEL a bit lonesome, it quickly diminishes to a level that is easy to handle.

The answer always ends up being "nope, I do what I want, and with that freedom there may very well be a bot of loneliness to deal with from time to time, but acknowledging what I'm feeling is a passing thing and that it would be a fools errand to not feel lonely for 10% of the time, but trapped for the other 90%.

The words of pink floyd come to mind:

Did you exchange a walk-on part in the war, for a lead role in a cage.

I may very well still feel pangs of loneliness, it's natural. But meditating on why thay is, what I'm feeling, how the past has treated me, and what I would give up quickly erases it.

I hope that helps OP.

If it does start to really get to you, I would recommend you speak with a good psychologist. I have, and these days it much less of sigmund fraud having you lay on a couch and talk about your mother/father or your first pet dying, and much more of "cognitive behavioral therapy", how can we solve the root cause of what's making you unhappy NOW.

jschkins · 2019-07-28T17:50:45+00:00

go gay or spit out that red pill of idiocy

ACGWander · 2019-07-28T18:42:43+00:00

I never feel alone. I prefer my own company. Maybe realising that you can still have fun without other people, or learning to enjoy just being peaceful and doing nothing.

Go to the cinema alone.

Go for a walk by yourself and really take the time to take in your surroundings.

Or put yourself in situations where you can socialise.

Failing all that, consider getting a dog.

CRGRO · 2019-07-28T19:05:17+00:00

This happens when you want something for the moment. When this shit happens I go "is what I'm doing right now going to get me to where I want to be in 5 years". Clears it up pretty quickly.

hrm0894 · 2019-07-28T19:09:41+00:00

Just remember the alternative to loneliness is slavery. It sucks, but do you really want to risk your freedom for some short bursts of "companionship"?

Just get a dog; he'll actually love you, obedient, loyal, and more. Also, get a male dog, because female dogs don't love their owners as much as males (go figure).

JTKirkSr · 2019-07-28T19:13:24+00:00

I researched this. Loneliness is usually triggered by memories. One main reason why holidays can be so depressing. We remember family gathering etc. There are some great ideas here on how to keep your mind busy so you don't sit and ponder. But getting into a potentially life destroying relationship because your lonely is not the answer. It shouldn't even be in the top 10 solutions. Does using someone else for your benefit sound healthy? The juice just isn't worth that. Here is my 2 cents. Community service. Run for a local office. If your in a small town its part time work. Volunteer Police or Fire. As a reserve officer you can counter the deluth model for domestic violence and you can expose those white knights to reality. I cannot recommend Fire because those dudes are crazy! :). I wish you well brother.

deepspace7 · 2019-07-28T19:13:40+00:00

Sometimes it can be FOMO, fear of missing out. I remind myself of all the times being with other people was a waste of time and a painful experience. I usually get more done by myself. It's because I'm less distracted.

You do need to balance your alone time with being around others. Thankfully I get enough interaction where I don't want it in my spare time.

Frelsi_8899 · 2019-07-28T19:23:35+00:00

Try and make 1 or 2 good friends and see them from time to time.

Let me just remind you that the social scene isn't exactly bliss. For the most part, more people in your life = more drama.

As an adult, it's kind of hard. Maybe consider dating someone who isn't a total cunt.

801735 · 2019-07-28T19:34:55+00:00

read and explore ways for self improvement

Just be careful with that. Namely, when does self-muhprovethem't end? When is that particular "now" when you are the ok-est the exact way you are in that moment (possibly longer)?

38yearsoffreefallin · 2019-07-28T20:20:21+00:00

You can still enjoy the embrace and companionship of a woman as mgtow. A lot of us do. Just don’t marry them and understand them for who they are.

mechgaige · 2019-07-28T21:00:34+00:00

I too don't get get the lonely emotion. However, one positive way is to go outdoors, hike, fish, camp, whatever. First you learn more about yourself in that environment than any other. Second, you meet people of similar mindset without the bullshit.

Wasabipeanuts · 2019-07-28T21:32:28+00:00

Rarely, and never as hard as you make it sounds. I think back to the times where I wished I was single/able to do the things I am doing now but couldn't or wouldn't.

It doesn't matter where you are in life, mgtow or not, there's always moments where the grass seems greener on the other side.

liberamesse · 2019-07-28T21:43:22+00:00

At times like that you have to remember that the bluepill fantasy you learned about from Disney, Hollywood, popular culture and society generally, is a fantasy. The companionship you seek is not real and does not exist. It's a pretence that men and women maintain between each other, even though the underlying reality is much less celestial and much more practical. Moreover, the maintenance of that companionship usually depends on the loss of your freedom, time and much more. There is always a huge price to pay.

It seems that you are still struggling to accept the death of your romantic illusions. Once you accept this, however, I think that you will be on stronger ground. You should perhaps look into an area of philosophy called absurdism, which may help facilitate your journey towards the acceptance of reality, that reality being that women cannot love men for who they are. Their companionship is contingent on your labour, not on any prior heady notions you may have had about altruistic love.

In the meantime, you still have other options, like porn, sex aids and sex workers.

If this is not about sex or sexual intimacy and you just want company, there are many different activities and interests you can pursue that will bring you into contact with likeminded people, both male and female.

liberamesse · 2019-07-28T21:49:34+00:00

At times like that you have to remember that the bluepill fantasy you learned about from Disney, Hollywood, popular culture and society generally, is a fantasy. The companionship you seek is not real and does not exist. It's a pretence that men and women maintain between each other, even though the underlying reality is much less celestial and much more practical. Moreover, the maintenance of that companionship usually depends on the loss of your freedom, time and much more. There is always a huge price to pay.

It seems that you are still struggling to accept the death of your romantic illusions. Once you accept this, however, I think that you will be on stronger ground. You should perhaps look into an area of philosophy called absurdism, which may help facilitate your journey towards the acceptance of reality, that reality being that women cannot love men for who they are and cannot be relied upon for support, in the context of romantic relationships. Their continued companionship is contingent on your continued labour, not on any prior heady notions you may have had about altruistic love.

In the meantime, you still have other options, like porn, sex aids and sex workers.

If this is not about sex or sexual intimacy and you just want company, there are many different activities and interests you can pursue that will bring you into contact with likeminded people, both male and female.

magx01 · 2019-07-28T23:20:55+00:00

Serious question: Do you think this loneliness would be equally addressed with the company of male friends as it would with a female sexual partner? I think if you figure that put you can begin to try and address it.

rukbin011 · 2019-07-28T23:54:15+00:00

Happens to me all the time, it only happens if I'm not doing anything. I regularly excercise (cycling, weight lifting). I read books.

The way I cope with loneliness is playing PS4. Multiplayer online games, or single player games.

Title	Question about coping up with loneliness
Author	darkness-to-light
Upvotes	51
Comments	63
Date	July 28, 2019 4:27 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW2
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW2/comments/cixw2j/question_about_coping_up_with_loneliness/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW2/question-about-coping-up-with-loneliness.812703 https://theredarchive.com/post/812703

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