Totally botched a main event last night.

Backstory: about 2 weeks ago I got major butthurt after a ton of OKs leading to sex and we are practically naked, but then she shuts down. I tried to leave since I was seething, but that created an even bigger event

Had a date night lined up, about an hour before she's complaining that she is tired, I suggest we cancel, but she says she is looking forward to it. Fun night with some tension (not sexual, but me just waiting for complaints). But, then way early she says she would like to go home.. back home by 9:15, babysitter gone by 9:30. Wife says she is going to bed.... Normal bedtime for us 10:30 or later... And she suggests/asks if I'm going to watch TV.

Now, I'm trying my hardest to maintain frame all night long, a true alpha would have fun no matter what, but I've been pessimistic internally all night too..

She asks what I'm going to do, I say I don't know, probably watch some TV, she detects something and so needs to be reassured that her going to bed is ok... I assure her, with a great big smile, that it's cool, and "everyone he different paths"

Well that statement opened everything up and she is questioning my choice of language, I try deflecting, but she keeps pressing.... Now I'm a few drinks in and I should have STFU... So I release, in a clam but forceful manner, that I DGAF, that it's clear to me that she doesn't find me attractive and seems to not actually have respect for me. In the course of the next 5 minutes, a bit back and forth, and I say i am actually ok if this relationship falls apart, the kids will be fine.

This idea makes her really upset. She comes from unsteady family background, and she says she always thought we would grow old together (in the past, she has called me the family s rock). I feel like I just broke her heart. I feel like I'm living in 2 world's... One with a great family and 2, with a weak sexual relationship. I'm afraid of losing that amazing family we have built.

It's the next morning now, and we haven't spoken, suggestions? Do I maintain being displeased, or do I try and comfort her to erase the divorce thoughts.. is it too late since the divorce idea is out of the bag?