I arranged a night out with my oldest friends this weekend, we’ve not seen each other for a while so the start time ended up being 2pm, so quite early, I had a few casual questions tossed my way, softballs that I was easily able to bat back.

I'm sure this pales in comparison to some stories on here, but it's one of the first times I've been able to realise when the hamster starts spinning that wheel, and purposely decide to fuck with it a little to see what happens, a quite clear and obvious response to making a change as small as wearing a fucking shirt to meet your mates. The hamster starts to wonder why, who's he meeting? who's he off out with again?

[H] “What time will you be back?”

[Me] “Absolutely no idea, maybe 3am with a dirty kebab, do you want one bringing back?”

[H] “Remember my mum’s coming tomorrow, don’t drink too much.”

[Me] “Will she want a kebab too? - Cheesy grin”

As I started getting ready I pulled out a (very, very nice) button down shirt and some chinos, she did a literal double take, thought about it for a second, then

[H] “you’re dressing a bit smart aren’t you?, though it was just drinks with the guys?”

[Me] “Don’t hate me ‘cos I’m beautiful”

[H] “None of the others will be dressed up, they’ll be in t-shirts and jeans”

[Me] “You’re probably right, I’ll end up showing them all up”

[H] “Who did you say was going?”

[Me] “Guy 1, Guy 2, Guy 3 and Guy 4” (she knows these all very well)

I carried on getting ready, ironed my shit, shortly after:

[H] “Are you going to put on a t-shirt now?”

[Me] “Nah, I’m happy with this”

I looked good, I know it, she knows it, the hamster knows it. The gorgeous blond mother/daughter I spent a while chatting to, (while my mates propped up a phone at the fucking bar and watched a football match) knew it too.

Fully shit tested the next day for not responding to her the entire time I was out, ok so maybe I should have answered the repeat phone calls at 11pm after being out of touch for 11 hours, but hey, my phone was in my jacket on silent as I was making sure to be present with my friends.