This is just a little humble brag to show you new guys, that even though the shit testing and nature of a woman doesn't change, it does get easier.

 

Saturday was a big sporting event for me and my oldest boy. We planned on going to it at noon, with an open ended finish, meanwhile my wife had a family picnic planned at her sisters. We left it at "if I can, I'll go to her Sis's." Well the event turned sour and got rained out, so me and the oldest boy head home. He laments to me that he doesn't want to go to his aunts as he's the oldest kid and has no one his age to hang out with. I told him, "Alright buddy, we'll hang back and maybe not go. We might go for a little bit ok?"

"OK."

 

Around Six, I text my wife to find out the status of the party. Instead of answering me she texts back, "Why?" I fucking hate this. I asked for a simple clarification, instead I get a question back. WomanSpeakTranslator^TM :"I'm not happy and now I'm questioning your actions"

Adhering to my own rules, I pick up the phone to start the call. She must be trained well because before I can open the dial pad, she's calling me.

"Aren't you coming at all?"

"Well that depends, how long is it going to?"

"I don't know, we just finished eating"

"So not like another hour?"

"No probably later."

"Alright, we're on our way."

I grabbed my boy and we hopped in the car. From text to starting the car, elapsed time 5 minutes. Arrival at my SIL, was 7 minutes later.

 

I walk in and say the usual hellos. We live in the northeast, and is customary in our family I give every woman a kiss on the cheek and shake each mans hand hello. My wife, looked at me and didn't say hello, WomanSpeakTranslator^TM :"I'm still not happy"

I made the rounds, had a good conversation with my FIL and one of my wife's Uncles. Talked to the BIL and then ended up in the main room. It devolved into the women folk discussing logistics for Christmas and all the men were sitting there not saying a thing. My oldest was bored and frankly so was I so I stood up and said my good byes. My wife wouldn't look at me at all, WomanSpeakTranslator^TM "Now I'm really not happy". I was unfortunately out of fucks to give, and left anyway. Total elapsed time, three hours.

 

An hour and change later my wife comes in the house the youngest boy in tow. I had to go fish my daughter out of her seat, as she fell asleep in the 7 miles it takes to get home. We get the kids to bed and everyone is off. My wife at this point had only answered me in one word grunts for any question. WomanSpeakTranslator^TM :"I'm still mad and I'm trying to draw you into it".

 

Finally, around 11:20 she slams her magazine down she had been trying to fake read non-chalantly and starts into me.

I headed that shit off at the pass, "Wait, you've been pissed this whole time and now you're going to say something about it? Yeah, I'm not going to talk about it if you can't act like an adult and discuss things right when they're bothering you"

"I am trying to act like an adult. This is the first time I can speak without yelling." See boys what happens when you lay down and enforce boundaries?!?

"Fair enough, go on"

"You know I do all this shit for your family and this is the thanks I get? You can't spend a whole hour with mine?"

"It was 3 hours, but go on."

"What? No way, it was not even an hour."

"Um, check your phone. You called me at 6, I left at 9. 3 hours."

Looks at phone, "Ok, but that's not my point. I put in way more effort with your family. I spent a week at your moms when I want to neck punch your sister for all the stupid shit she does."

"Ok, but that's not my fault. If you wanted to leave, you need to speak up. It's not my fault you didn't say anything."

"Yeah but I stay there for your mom, not your sister."

"But then that's for my mom you do that, not for me. Again, that's your choice, even though I do appreciate it."

"Yeah, but it's like you don't even want to be around my family!"

"Hmmm, but I did come today. Frankly, if I didn't, I wouldn't have. You know that." Because gents, I have been very clear in the past if I was doing something or not and on a couple of occasions told her I wasn't going because I wasn't interested.

 

We talked a bit more, and I reiterated to her the rules of communication are clear, if something is important to her, she needs to spell it out explicitly. At no point had she done that and she tried to make it out like I was being selfish. My internal dialog was clear, I repeated to myself that her feelings were hers, and that only I could judge my actions. When she tried to guilt me with her covert contracts, I quickly diffused them by making her own her actions. I even forced her to acknowledge the facts without spiraling away into a DEER quagmire. This whole thing started by her trying to force me into her frame; her covert tactics of not talking to me, and being a snippy bitch.

In the past this argument might have gone way different. I would have been terrified she was upset. I would have Defended, Explained Excused and Rationalized all the behavior I did in the past, even though I may not have actually been sorry for it. She would have started off by yelling, because I didn't lay that boundary down. I would have felt bad for her wanting to punch my sister and would have done everything to fix the relationship (and probably made it worse). Instead I was confident, and stoic.

She let out a big sigh, and quickly changed the subject to my oldest son. In the past I would have been resentful, if not down right angry. I would have been pissed, "What in the actual fuck? She gets me riled up and then moves on like it's nothing?!?" But luckily I knew what the deal was.

 

Sigh, "Anyway I was talking to...." WomanSpeakTranslator^TM :"This has been resolved and I feel better."