This is my first post. I'll start posting in OYS next week. I'm 5'11, 180lbs. Visible abs, pretty athletic build. I don't lift, but I run hill sprints, play basketball, and do gymnastic strength work (L-sits, front/back lever progressions). I've played basketball almost all my life, so I don't want to put on too much weight, although I've put on 10lbs of muscle in the last year and a half.

I'll post more background in my OYS post. Long story short, sex isn't non-existent, typically 4-6 times a month, but not with the intensity and enthusiasm I want. I've been a drunk captain with a begrudging but competent First Officer. Been watching Rian Stone and Paul Benjamin vids on and off since Feb. Read NMMNG, MMSLP, PFP and Models. I'm re-reading NMMNG and Models and reading WISNIFG for the first time.

I've been practicing STFU, OYS, and putting myself first for a couple days. Yesterday, I was in the kitchen with my wife as we were cooking food for a family we know dealing with cancer. My wife was standing with her back to me in front of the cabinets where I had to past her and get something. So I politely but deliberately grazed her ass with my crotch, to which she responded (this isn't an exact quote but close enough), "No! You're supposed to bump me hard from behind!" I laughed and said "I know that's what you wanted." I then had to bend down and get something from a bottom cabinet, and she then bumped me hard from behind, saying "This is how you do it." Again I laughed, and said "I'm gonna wait until we have our clothes off to do that to you," then smacked her on the ass. She then said, "Noooooooo! I don't like that, I like sensual, gentle, tender lovemaking," while caressing my arm. I just smirked and said "Okay" in an attempt to STFU. She kept insisting on it and asking "Why are you saying okay like that? It's true." Through skimming threads on dominance here and reading some other books, I recently realized that's not true unless she's the sole exception to AWALT. So I just said "Because I think it's funny." And went back to preparing my food. Felt like I passed a ST.

The other ST that's come up twice in 2 days involves her calling me insensitive and inconsiderate of her foot injury. She just found out today that she has tendonitis and it's been difficult for her to bear weight. This feels like a ST because: 1) She's only said this the 2 times I've asked her to do something. Yesterday it was about giving our 2 boys a bath (I was making dinner) and today it was asking for help getting the food/boys out of the car (I'd picked our oldest up from pre-K while she was at the doctor and took them to get food. They'd both fallen asleep in the car). 2) She didn't complain once about her foot when she was making food for our friends. 3) I've cooked dinner, cleaned the house, I bathed the boys last night, and watched the kid while she went to the doctor, so I know this isn't true. Both times she's brought this to me, I've said "Okay. I hear you and I understand why you might feel that way," and STFU. I am sure I'm not being insensitive, but I don't want to start DEER all over the place, so I'm trying my best to STFU.

Do you all have any pointers for me? Am I generally doing the right thing and just need to hang in there?