I trust me with the nuclear codes

ShiveringPines · 2016-11-27T20:59:55+00:00

Ideally, though, we'd rather not all "go nuclear" to get back to that place of fundamental renegotiation of the terms of the relationship. My reading of MRP is, in part, that by re-establishing our own frame, we gradually force our women to readjust. That is certainly easier, and lower-risk, than threatening to bomb the marriage.

weakandsensitive · 2016-11-28T00:01:59+00:00

maybe I'm dealing with someone so deep on the narcissist spectrum that she couldn't fathom me leaving

Every single thing that affects you negatively is because you allow it.

Don't you think it's kinda strange that magically after you actually decide to no longer give a shit and actually decide to no longer tolerate bullshit that the bullshit stops? You think 3 weeks of positive behavior is an anomaly?

There's three things I have consistently preached.

Congruence is key. No matter how many times you tell yourself you won't put up with it any more, if you don't actually mean it, people will see through your bullshit.
It's easiest to bullshit yourself. See 1.
Add value. Expect others to add value. This is hard to do if you don't have 1 and 2 under control because you'll lie to yourself and bullshit yourself about how congruent you are about not tolerating bullshit.

It absolutely blows my mind that I had to go nuclear to make progress

You didn't have to go nuclear. You just had to stop lying to yourself.

Sapphire_Jizz · 2016-11-27T22:38:34+00:00

...a particularly nasty fight. The details don't matter.

I've seen more positive progress in my home life in the last three weeks than I have in the last year.

Why must you spare us the juicy details sir?

In all seriousness though, when the man is truly ready to issue the final ultimatum... when he's finally had enough and has come to terms with dumping his wife... all pretenses of "gaming" disappear when the ultimatum is given. It's pure congruence. Pure selfishness (or rather, self-interest). People (i.e. you wife) will recognize the gravity of that state.

Livecrazyjoe · 2016-11-27T21:04:26+00:00

So are you getting a divorce?

Olderpiller · 2016-11-27T23:28:28+00:00

I had my wife write a promissory note after she slipped in her addictive behavior laying out the exact consequences of another slip. She keeps in her desk as a reminder.

Unfortunately I learned that a main event will require repeated reminders of consequences, be prepared for it and do not waver from the path you chose. It will get better but it is never perfect

TheOtherWalternate · 2016-11-27T23:56:14+00:00

Mostly, I feel like a pussy for having not done it sooner. But now she knows I have the arsenal ready.

The question is: did you have the arsenal ready earlier? If not, having done it before you had prepared yourself would have likely backfired. I had a similar confrontation with my wife a year ago, wasn't fully prepared, and only made partial progress.

0kool74 · 2016-11-28T01:53:55+00:00

Mostly, I feel like a pussy for having not done it sooner

Hindsight is ALWAYS 20/20!!! It doesn't matter that you should have done it sooner. All that matters as that you HAVE done it.....and now YOU are in control of you.

For all you Psychology 101 majors out there.....START where you are and MOVE forward. The live you get to live just may be your own!

bogeyd6 · 2016-11-28T02:28:03+00:00

Like the post and it's time for something uplifting. You are 100% correct in your conclusion of dread. It's like a hammer and when all you have is a hammer for a tool, everything tends to look like a nail.

antariusz · 2016-11-28T07:41:53+00:00

Dread really is the answer to all relationship problems. Only when she knows you are willing and able to walk away, AND you are worth keeping, will her behavior improve.

You think you went nuclear. I think you only went up to about a 7.

BluepillProfessor · 2016-11-28T23:12:25+00:00

She will always push and push until you stand up to her and provide a hard boundary. You can wait until you are so fed up that divorce is nigh, but you can also stand up to her well before that point.

AlphaTransition · 2016-11-27T22:09:36+00:00

Nice work.

How long have you been with her? You say you regret not taking the same action sooner - but perhaps your timing is just what it needed to be. I have often seen the "one month for every year" ratio quoted across MRP.

This is my personal conflict at the moment (unplugging, two months in). Results are happening, but slowly. I catch myself thinking I should course correct and talk to her logically - when I need to STFU, read and keep at it, there is a long road ahead.

redearththeory · 2016-11-28T02:18:18+00:00

What does the change in your wife's behavior look like?

Title	I trust me with the nuclear codes
Author	lintheswithd
Upvotes	41
Comments	31
Date	November 27, 2016 8:34 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/5f7crq/i_trust_me_with_the_nuclear_codes/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/i-trust-me-with-the-nuclear-codes.199322 https://theredarchive.com/post/199322

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