I’ve consumed a lot of the content on MRP and the thing that pisses me off most is when guys blame their kids. If you let a five-year-old stand in the way of what you want, then either you don't really want it or you don't deserve to get it.

Remove the Kids From Your Sexual Strategy

At my lowest point, this was still a hard boundary for me. I don't need elementary school children to be my wingmen. Using them for “dread” is absolute bullshit. My goal with my kids is to give them experiences and blueprints for transitioning into adulthood. I've come to terms that some of my kids may excel, some of them may fuck up, and some of them may be average. That's on them, and I'll be here for guidance.

They are people. They're hormonal with undeveloped brains, but they are people with agency and not a tool for you to use to get laid. "If she sees me be a great dad, she'll go down on me right away." If you take the kids out and think about what your wife will think, you'll be sorely disappointed. Your kids will probably still have a good time, but good luck with your seething anger and resentment.

If you don't stand up for the boundaries you set for your kids because it might stand in the way of getting laid, you've got bigger problems than sex. One of my major boundaries is allowing my kids to have some privacy, regardless of their age. Nothing makes my blood boil more than a mom posting private information about their kid on social media with a caption that describes the child's physical and mental ailments for "you go girls." I had one instance of this where I stepped in. My wife posts a picture of the two-year-old and talks about how she (two-year-old) is delayed in one area, but that she's learning so much from a TV show (more on that later). I've told my wife before that we shouldn't be ashamed of anything that the kids are going through, but that it is their choice on whether or not they want to share this info when they are old enough, and not ours. I had to reiterate this a little more bluntly this time. Post was taken down, privacy for the kid remained somewhat intact. Didn't get laid. Didn't care.

Don't use your kids to try to get your wife to have sex with you. Don't sacrifice their integrity and agency if it stands in the way of you getting laid.

I Can't Do Things Because I Have Kids

No. You can't do things because you don't want to, you're making excuses, or because you don't have enough money. You may also suck at logistics.

"All of my money goes to my kids." Revaluate your budget, or go make more money. The reality is that there is always money out there. It's not an excuse.

"If I go out or leave the house, everything will go to hell/my wife wouldn't be able to handle it/I'd feel guilty." I had this at first. Some guilt that things would go crazy or that the house would burn down. But you know who never feels guilty about leaving the house? Moms. And you shouldn’t either. Admittedly, I was completely in her frame with this at first, but I quickly got out of it by being consistent and planning some things to look forward to on my own. At least once a week I go out on my own, no guilt, no shame, no extra housework to justify what I want to do. If you haven't done this before, there's a good chance that the kids will be used against you to manipulate you to stay home/do what she wants you to do. Just get through it, avoid answering texts or phone calls unless it's an actual emergency, and enjoy yourself. Out of sight, out of mind.

You Want To Be Your Wife's Kid

I love discovering things and keeping in touch with my youth. Yet, a majority of my issues are being stuck in that limbo between childhood and adulthood. As I mentioned above, chances are if you're here, something was fucked up in your childhood that probably related to your parents.

You might be jealous of your kids. They get all of your wife's attention, and you get none. They are praised for taking a shit in the toilet, and you don't even get a thank you for working 80 hours a week.

Iron Rule of Tomassi 6: Women are utterly incapable of loving a man in the way that a man expects to be loved.

The truth is 1. you're competing for the wrong type of attention and love and 2. you shouldn't be competing at all. If you find yourself at the end of the movie "The Good Son," and your wife is holding on to you in one hand and your kid in the other hand, she will drop your ass to your death without hesitation and save your kid. It's what she's wired to do. Stop arguing biology in your head. She doesn't love you that way, she never will, nor should she.

You want to feel young? Go lift and eat well and seek out a little adventure. I feel better in my late thirties than I did in my ten years ago. Do you want someone to take care of you? You can probably get that, but don't bitch when the sex dries up. The kids are not your competition.

But My Kids Sleep In My Bed…

This has no bearing on whether or not you'll have sex. You're probably fat or unattractive. Chances are your wife has probably taken care of herself while you were gone and the kids were in another room or even in the crib in your room.

You may still be at a stage where your wife is using the kids as an out loud excuse to not have sex with you. Let me translate for you:

*Her: "If we have sex now, the kids will hear us." (You're not attractive, and I probably wouldn't fuck you if the house was empty).

*You: "Let's go upstairs." Her: “Let me get the baby." (You're not attractive, and your wife is using a human shield to protect herself from your fat ass or her image of your former fat ass).

*You: “The kids are at grandma's for tonight. We finally have some alone time together." Her: "I'm just tired from running around. I'm looking forward to resting tonight and getting to bed early." (You're not attractive, and even without her human shields, she still doesn't want to fuck you. And, your initiations suck).

"If the kids are removed from the bedroom, I'll get more sex." I do not talk about fight club with my friends, but for new fathers that I talk with, this is hands down the most common covert contract I'm seeing. Now, you can go all out on logistics here and make a grand plan to get the kids out of your bedroom and you getting laid. But you know what? You probably just need to sidebar and lift.

Your kids aren’t cockblocking you. You are. They may be speed bumps, but they aren’t roadblocks.

You Don't Have to Spend Every Waking Minute With Them/You Don't Have to Entertain Them

A lot of parents today think they have to have their eyes on their kids every waking moment, or that they have to plan every single part of the day out for them. I'm big on activities for the kids; one of my rules is that the kids have to be in at least one sport/physical activity and one musical/club type activity. These take up some time. But another rule I have is that they have two days a week where nothing is going on. These also happen to be no-screen days. It pisses them off, but they live. I check on them occasionally, but these days are for them to figure out what they want to do for themselves. I then go do my shit, and if they want to help me, great. If not, they read/play/build something/go outside with friends.

For guys like me that didn't have dads around, you may want to oversteer and make sure you're there for your kids all of the time. Kids can be a part of your world, but not the center of your world. Make most of their events. Spend some of your time with them. I missed an event the other day because I had something else I needed and wanted to do that's been on the calendar for a while. I'll probably make the next event. Other times, I might change my plans to accommodate, or I even plan around the activities and events. There's no script, it just all depends on what is happening at a certain time, where my time is best utilized, and what I can do to honor my word.

Summary: Don't make your kids your wingmen. Spend quality time with them if you want to. Otherwise, I'm sure they can find help on this sub in 15-25 years.