~ archived since 2018 ~

Weekend check-in

April 14, 2023

How are you guys doing? Remember that we're all human, and it's okay not to feel okay. Some days are better than others...

Please feel free to share what is bothering you, or what you do to feel better.

Please have a look at our current event and consider participating.

I wish you all a good weekend!

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Post Information
Title Weekend check-in
Author mensupportmenmod
Upvotes 14
Comments 19
Date April 14, 2023 4:00 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit /r/MenSupportMen
Archive Link
Original Link

[–]Disastrous-Star-7746 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Got an appointment to start therapy next week. Found a part time job I can apply for that doesn't care if you smoke weed.

Anger has been really hard to deal with since Friday. I am trying to get over how indifferent most people are to most people. But I understand my anger doesn't make anyone think there's a problem that needs to be solved, they just don't wanna be around me when I'm angry.

I still think I'm correct and the problems I'm mad about need fixing, but I'm trying to make peace with the fact that those problems are functioning as intended and I can't fix it

[–]hellocafe 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Broke up with my ex because of a toxic relationship. Feeling awful because of course I miss her, but also feeling guilty and lonely. I have no support system other than a therapist. I hace a feeling that I deserve that because I was the one to break up. And since she seems to be doing great, I feel something might be wrong with me because well, I don’t know. I feel alone.

[–]Disastrous-Star-7746 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I left a toxic relationship, everyone could see it was and was waiting for me to bail. I still talk with her because I still care and want her to be happy, but I did a lot of homework and was lucky to meet my current girlfriend at an event.

Sometimes toxic people seem to be doing fine because they're taking what they want and it's still working.

Pick something you've been wanting to do, and if doing that right now isn't realistic, work back to what is.

I'm not a drummer yet, I need to plug away at rudiments and get used to a real set. So those are my next steps.

What's something you want to do? Bonus of you didn't find space for it in your toxic relationship, because now that room is there. Maybe you feel lonely because you shrank to fit?

Could be speaking for myself there. Just a thought.

[–]SNAiLtrademark 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I've had a bad one. On Wednesday, I woke up with 1/2 my face paralyzed. I go to the ER, convinced I had a mini-stroke; I didn't. I have Bell's Palsy, most likely caused by getting COVID. I'm exhausted, sick, can't speak well, and have to isolate when I'm too busy to be isolating.

[–]Klutzy_Pride_5644 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That sucks buddy but it is definitely a win compared to a stroke, and will hopefully get better reasonably quickly. All the best for a speedy recovery 🙏

[–]a-man-from-earth 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's a tough one! Sympathies.

[–]LettuceBeGrateful 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Laid off from my day job, independent business venture is hitting some (expensive) roadblocks...just a really shitty week.

My boss actually cried a bit when delivering the news. She said some really sweet things to me and that she wished they'd consulted her so she could've fought for me, but when corporate tightens the purse strings, they never tell anyone what their formula is for "corrective cost reduction." At least I'll have a strong recommendation from her if/when I seek out another 9-5.

Oh and one of my sisters had a medical scare. She's okay, but she's the best person in the entire world and I wish I could support her more (we don't live near each other). We've both been so stressed lately that we're just dealing with our own issues.

Definitely a week I'd rather forget.

[–]a-man-from-earth 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sorry to hear that! Here's to hoping things take a turn for you for the better!

[–]Deus_Ex_Mortum 4 points5 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

Still struggling with life changes. New responsibilities and realizations that I've lost an essential part of my life in physical human contact.

Maybe lost is a bit extreme but it has been severely diminished.

I'm trying to find alternatives but being social is hard after years of pandemic imposed loneliness. Being naturally introverted isn't helping things either.

Everything ebbs and flows. I don't know where to start. I feel like I'm in a self loathing spiral.

I need to break it. I have to find a way.

[–]LettuceBeGrateful 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

The pandemic and pets definitely reinforced some bad habits for me as an introvert.

[–]Deus_Ex_Mortum 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

If I didn't have my puppy, I'd be utterly miserable.

[–]Affectionate-Sock-62 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I'm not sure if I got it right, but you mean you lacked physical human contact for a while? Like, being neglected or abused for a period of time in the past?

If so, I'm in the same spot now. After processing much of it, now I'm trying to figure out how to give and receive that myself (I don't have a relationship I can trust enough to supply for that need of touch).

And I've seen a lot of ideas, implemented some of them and they work great. Ideally it could be done with someone we trust, but when we're by ourselves:

Taking long baths, getting in touch with our own bodies / massages / getting a pet / back, foot and neck rubs / shop for soft clothes, beddings. / caressing your own face in the mirror.

Like, for me it's very entwined with lots of neglect, and it's super negatively emotionally charged. I cried a lot trying some of these the first time. But I recognize the past pain and try these new things as an act of self responsibility and love. It now feels great, it won't fix the past, but it does help with the present still existing need.

Aaaaand I just re-read your post and I think I got something else lol, still posting. Mb hahaha

[–]Deus_Ex_Mortum 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

There was no physical abuse. The hard thing that I'm dealing with is that I feel like I'm alone all the time. I work alone. My wife and daughter are doing their own things....

I don't have much of a social circle but the friends I do have are either too far away or because they are new dad's, have no time for social calls (which I can respect. I went through the same thing.)

It's all making me very vindictive... Hateful even. I am miserable of being miserable.

[–]Klutzy_Pride_5644 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Are there any men's groups where you live? In Australia, we have a few places that are called "men's sheds" where blokes get together and build wooden toys that they give away to struggling families. And if course they talk shit to each other as well and ask feel better as a result. If not, do you have a Rotary club near you? If so that might be s good way to meet some new people and myo keep busy with a positive purpose

[–]Deus_Ex_Mortum 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You know, that's a really great idea. I'm still "new" to the area that I live in and haven't fully explored it.

I never really considered looking into groups like that.

Great idea! Thank you!

[–]Affectionate-Sock-62 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Well, from my experience, I've felt that way for almost all my life. And I came to realize that loneliness (at least in my case) came from emotional neglect. Neglect in itself seems harmless, it's not directly abusive or aggressive. It's just being left alone or unnoticed for the most part. You could look into that if it rings a bell.

[–]Deus_Ex_Mortum 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No, that sounds just about right. I'm left alone all the time. I try to be social and strike things up with friends and family, however I come from a "Neurodivergent" household and as the token neurotypical, my needs often... Always... get overlooked.

It's my primary topic of conversation with my therapist.

[–]Breadtrickery 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Just a suggestion, and I don't know that it applies, but leave your cellphone at home when you go out. Take a walk, go to the store. Embrace the lack of tech.

[–]Deus_Ex_Mortum 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Tech's not an issue. I don't use my phone much as is.

Since I have kids, I would just be more stressed thinking that they couldn't find me if they needed me. On top of that, I have health issues and it would just stress my wife out if she couldn't find me.

So I appreciate the thought but tech is kind of my saving grace at the moment. I wouldn't have anything to fill my time if I shunned tech.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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