Am I incel ?

YesYesYesVeryGood · 2023-12-07T03:20:57+00:00

The biggest mistake men do today is measure their successfulness from their sexual history. That's a trap which puts sex on a pedestal. It is a path to devaluing yourself and demeaning yourself for others.

You should be serving you. You are your own master.

HojaLateralus · 2023-12-07T03:02:27+00:00

You're depressed but no incel. Incels are people who want to have sex but can't (usually implied: because no one will go to bed with them). Many incels are your age or older and have never even been on a date.

shit-zen-giggles · 2023-12-07T05:41:03+00:00

I think the best thing you can do is focus on making small changes in the moment. Don't focus on the big things on the horizon, because that gets overwhelming really quick and that feeling of being overwhelmed is then zapping your motivation to do anything really.

Some small things that you could do:

push ups. can be done everywhere / anytime. Just one set a day can make a difference if you can turn it into a habit. Will also boost your energy and give you a sense of 'being able to bring order to the chaos'.
don't watch porn (more than once a week). porn zapps your dopamine which is the reward system of your brain. Thus everything else starts feeling bland and pointless and not satisfying. Will also boost your energy and give you a sense of 'being able to bring order to the chaos'.
cooking from fresh ingredients tastes better, keeps you satiated longer and saves money. Will also boost your energy and give you a sense of 'being able to bring order to the chaos'.

Hope this list helps you and gives you a couple pointers where to start and what to focus on. As I said in the beginning: The most important thing is to focus on righthere and rightnow. Stay in the moment and focus on doing what's in line with your goal.

Level-Dog-7630 · 2023-12-07T06:33:46+00:00

stop watching the incel stuff. Maybe consider a break from social media
you have a home a family and a job. You are not worthless
stop watching porn (making assumptions)
being alone is different from being lonely
start exercising. Go for walks, for runs, do push ups, go to the gym. Anything. Gets you out of your slump, keeps you occupied, sense of achievement etc.
Think about joining a fitness class or a running club or anything. Not to attract women but to socially interact.
You have ASD, consider making exercise one of your special interests
if you are unsatisfied with your job, start looking for opportunities, a payrise, a promotion, a new job.
Change is tough and change is scary but it’s constantly taking the small steps that get us to where we want to be in the end. Don’t expect an overnight transformation. Give yourself 6 months of consistency and see where you are then

r_c2999 · 2023-12-07T05:54:39+00:00

When I see posts like this i’m just reminded of how much the field of psychology fails men

WeEatBabies · 2023-12-08T02:18:48+00:00

Calling someone an Incel is just virgin shaming, it is equivalent in pettiness as slut shaming, and it is more a reflection of the person doing the shaming than what it means about the target.

Also, it means in other words that feminists are trying to shame you into a relationship, child support and alimony. Do not comply! Tell a feminist to get a job!

colderfuse · 2023-12-07T13:25:50+00:00

Okay if you want to have sex, you need to build up your attraction. That means lifting weights and being social. Tinder can be a go and miss. Best way to get women is in real life.

I’m ugly physically and I’m obese

Obese can be fixed, obviously and its better for your health. There are ways to enhance your looks like growing beard and stuff

live with my mom and work a low paying job.

I lived in my fathers basement and was unemployed, and still got laid, Women dont care, if they want to fuck you they will.

I do not socialise at all. I feel worthless and know I am alone.

Making male friends is easy, find an outdoor hobby and show up. Thats pretty much it. It will give you head start.

The last time I had sex was off Tinder and that was over 2 years ago

So you are not unfuckable.

But I’ve lost the will to do anything but sleep and eat.

Depression is a bitch to get out of, But only way is through.

Am I an incel? Is there hope for me

No one really cares if you are an incel or not, yes there is hope for you. But you need to play by the rules, You need to get fit and socialize, there is no other way out of it.

neveragoodtime · 2023-12-07T17:52:15+00:00

There is no such thing as incel. Everyone who is celebrate is voluntarily celebrate and that is a valid choice for people, especially men, regarding the risks associated with STDs, birth control, baby trapping, no say in pregnancy, child support, and lack of fathers’ rights. Dating apps and prostitutes exist for anyone who is interested in that.

Women think they are entitled to men’s sperm because they know it gives them power over those men. They cannot stand when men withhold that power from them and assume men who aren’t out there giving sex out freely, there must be something wrong with them.

Women shame men for not having sex as much as they shame women for having sex.

karn39393939 · 2023-12-07T03:28:13+00:00

Please don't label yourself as an incel. You're not the only one that feels the way you've described. I've had similar feelings myself. I have been over 6 years now without feeling the touch of a woman. You need to do what I'm doing now. And simply put it is to work on yourself. Focus on your purpose in life. Whatever it is, making money a lot of money, working on cars, photography, or maybe like me magic the gathering. Your purpose is the thing that gets you up and out of bed, the thing that you love to do. That needs to be your reason for living. Find that and that's your start. Work on it. Work on yourself. By this I mean workout. Get out and go for a walk. Don't worry about talking to people or anything like that. Work on making yourself healthy. Work on making yourself successful. Build the life you want. Be confident in yourself. You do these things and I believe I truly believe that women will start to pay attention to you. It is not fair. It is just basic human nature. At some point you're going to need to start talking to people so you can work on your social skills. Just try to strike up a conversation with somebody. Out at the park, at the grocery store, the cashier at the grocery store. You start by simply saying hi. You can do it I know you can I believe you can.

Background_Dingo5203 · 2023-12-07T17:54:29+00:00

I still cannot define what an incel is. We've heard it floating around for 5-6 years now but apparently it applies to people who hate Brie Larson. If you think you are an incel, it doesn't mean much and most people still cannot define what it means. Just my two cents.

pilotlet · 2023-12-07T12:32:16+00:00

If you don't fuck and you want to fuck but you can't, you are effectively an incel.

Now, if you want to live a full life and not have serious health problems when you reach your 30s, It's time to eat less, move more and above all, save.

The key to success in life is not always being a billionaire with cheap sluts for a YouTube video, but capitalism, savings and hard work.

For all practical purposes, I am a normie in every way. I have had partners and also casual sex. The impressive thing when you don't have one is the idea you form about what it means to have a partner and the romantic of founding a family and have company. But it is not worth the effort today. It's all empty, insubstantial.

No_Butterscotch7530 · 2023-12-07T03:01:30+00:00

You're not an incel, don't give up, things will get better

WeeklyGreen8522 · 2023-12-07T09:04:12+00:00

For me, an incel is a person that values itself based on the sex he can get and gets none. Don't value yourself based on that if you want to be happy.

Daddy_Jaws · 2023-12-07T12:09:36+00:00

Physical ugliness, obesety and depression are factors you can change and a factor your responsible for.

Autism is a subject of your birth and something thats apart of you, it does not define you its just "you"

Your not an involuntary celebit, your a physically unattractive man who due to depression struggles with society plus physical and mental health.

The good news is these are all things you can change, depression is fucking aweful and autism can make your mind think its permanent, but its not.

You will find peace, pleasure, a healthier body and a happier life, but slowly. The biggest thing you can do is try to take some time, any time to acheive self help which will lead to your life feeling far better, and being one you can have a partner and more importantly, take care of them as they will you.

Sorry if thats a bit blunt, ive felt like that before and its terrible, all i can say is it never lasts, and even 5 situps or pushups or whatever a day is good, it builds strengtg and routine you can build from.

luciusvorenus_ · 2023-12-07T12:19:09+00:00

Is there hope for me

Of course there's hope for you. You're only 27, the scent of your mothers breast milk is still fresh in your mouth.

The good thing, is that you've successfully identified the faults you feel are holding you back in life

* You work a low paying job

* You're obese

* You still live with your mom

* you have no hobbies

Now that you've IDed these things you can build yourself a road map to fix them. Also in regards to you being "unattractive" Your dating history proves otherwise. The fact that you were able to consistently sleep with woman off of tinder shows that you aren't unattractive. Most men on tinder have no success, so that fact that you did find success shows that you're probably at least average if not above average.

My two suggestions for you would be to start hitting the gym and to find a higher paying job. Getting a degree might be too time/money intensive but you could always do trade school. Research what the highest paying jobs in your state are and look for ones that have best ratio of pay to time investment towards getting it.

Minimum_Compote_3116 · 2023-12-07T16:22:45+00:00

No. You’re not an incel unless you want to call yourself that. You’re okay. All your issues are fixable

breathofanarchy · 2023-12-07T17:09:46+00:00

Why care about a label? It has no meaning outside Buzzfeed and circles that hate you anyway.

Black-Patrick · 2023-12-07T17:37:48+00:00

Sounds voluntary.

TD5991 · 2023-12-07T19:17:46+00:00

Visit TheRedPill sub and read the sidebar; you might want to search deep as the sub is quarantined. The offline Forum could be of help

tiredfromlife2019 · 2023-12-07T19:41:56+00:00

Yes. Forget about Women completely and work on losing weight for yourself. Try and find something that you can do that stimulates effort like work or something that can get you a skill

TheDamnRam · 2023-12-07T22:12:10+00:00

Warning, long post but I want to share with OP how I used to be in a very similar mindset and how I got out of it, and I think OP needs to hear about some good this situation can bring. Note, there is a TL:DR for those who don't like reading longer posts.

"I'm this, I'm that, I'm this, I'm not that"

Man, think about what you are, and what you can be. No woman, no man, no one owns you, so own your damn self and make something out of it.

I honestly felt in the exact same boat a few years ago, I'm anorexic, I have an insanely hard time gaining lasting weight, muscle mass, or strength, and I never had much luck dating.

I felt like because of the things I suffered I'd never fit into a relationship, until I started to focus on the things I do have, and I nurtured those things and gave time and care into them.

I started working out, still am, it's fucking hard as someone who has trouble breathing sometimes and can't hold onto mass, but I'm getting stronger, and I feel more energetic lately. I started taking care of my skin and hair, cleansing, scrubs, creams, moisturizing every day, cooler showers as to not dehydrate my skin, all that, I let my hair grow out real long and started using products on that and taking care of it every morning and now when I go out I have people all the time comment on my hair and skin, and those close to me often comment on how well I listen to them, and how calm and kind I am, and how accepting of who they are, and how I don't make them feel different or treat them special because they're different. And I never used to listen to people, never cared to be sweet or kind, and held some bad beliefs about LGBT+ folks, but I worked on that, hard, and it makes you feel incredible when people notice the hard work you put into things. I'm currently with who I hope is my life long partner now because on top of my physical appearance, which to be honest now I don't care about as much, but still take care of, I also started working on my mentality and kindness, working on my charisma and self-esteem and confidence. I was always good at flirting, sure, always had a decent face, sure, always had a lean body, besides the lack of muscle, but those things don't mean shit now, because I realized that people don't fuckin' care what you look or sound like if they know what kind of man you are.

And man, listen, you may be obese, you may be ugly, but that shit is only the most basic, most shallow, most surface level shit you can think of, think of who you are as a person and build off of that. Trust me, people, especially woman, truly don't care what you look like if you have good chemistry, I've dated men, women, non-binary folks, all of it, and never once did I feel ugly, or anorexically skinny, or not good enough in bed, or whatever, because I started focusing on how much my lovers smiled when I talked long with them and complimented them and took care of them, I started focusing on not pointing out things I didn't like about them, and instead started to help them nurture what they loved about themselves like I did for myself, and that has granted me a lot of long, healthy relationships in my time.

If anyone doesn't care enough to read it, here's a TL:DR - You will find so much more happiness if you focus on your short term goals, focus on your mental health, focus on what people love about you, and nurture it, and start improving yourself and your beliefs as a person.

And the #1 advice I have for dating: make, them, feel, loved, take care of them, make them feel like they truly matter to you, make them feel safe. Because no one will ever fucking care what you look like if they love who you are, and love how you make them feel. That doesn't mean spending a ton of money on them, that doesn't mean doing their bidding 24/7 or being at their beck and call, it means devoting yourself to them in a meaningful way and sharing your deeper and more intimate sides with them, THAT will get you women, not some pick-up lines or a nice face.

mcc9999 · 2023-12-07T22:33:23+00:00

Not an incel. You are however very depressed and could use professional help.

Ithrewallofitaway · 2023-12-08T01:51:42+00:00

I think incels have never had sex. I think you are just depressed and projecting your insecurities on women. If all you do is work, eat, and sleep, then you have time to exercise. I'd get an exercise bike (if money is an issue, you can go on facebook marketplace and get a used one) and some weights, and instead of watching tv on the couch, watch tv will exercising. Start making goals in losing fat and building muscle. Its hard work, but it will feel good, especially when you see results. Don't think about girls or being lonely, think about how much you are going to do tomorrow in your quest to better living. The more success you have in doing this, the more confident you will become, and girls love confident men, even if the men are ugly.

Mgtow_savage · 2023-12-08T06:28:23+00:00

Technically by definition it’s possible yeah but it’s not your fault and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s ok to not fit in with the rest of the fuck boys who give the men’s rights movement a bad name and it’s ok to not wanna be with someone whose gonna use you and then throw you out like a piece of trash. You’re not in high school anymore. Success is not measured by how much pussy you get, how big your friend group is, or how much weight you can bench. The dudes who still think like that are the ones with illegitimate children they struggle to raise. We’re at a point where incel is no longer an insult but a badge of honor. Embrace it

hotpotato128 · 2023-12-10T16:38:26+00:00

Others can't tell whether you are or not.

Title	Am I incel ?
Author	Illustrious_Soft_916
Upvotes	19
Comments	48
Date	December 7, 2023 2:31 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/18cl7vy/am_i_incel/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/am-i-incel.1240352 https://theredarchive.com/post/1240352

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