I spent about 15 minutes trying to decide on a suitable title for this post. I'm sorry if this is not an appropriate place to post this, this is just a recent experience of mine

I've never considered the issue of gender discrimination in society before. Really not more than a passing thought of, "Yeah, I guess most country leaders are men. And men expect women to go back to the kitchen. And women are fighting back. Awareness is good, I'm pretty aware."

And then something huge happened to me recently, where I witnessed three feminists shutting down a man on one of the issues common to the feminism movement. I want to elaborate, but I am so paranoid that my feminist friends will recognize me. It's not the discussion itself that shook me though (it did, later).

It was the way the argument happened, with three feminists (one male) calling the other guy insulting, hurtful names and said guy asking for a civil discussion with no personal insults. Alright, people have a right to be angry about things that affect them... responsibility to govern their own emotions, which obviously didn't happen. What happened after though, was that this other guy was called out on "tone-policing".

"What the fuck is tone-policing??" I thought, and went to look it up.

I may not have read correctly, but the gist of what I read on a feminist website/wiki is that tone-policing is a tactic used by men to tell women to calm down during arguments, and that it's automatically invalid when they start getting angry.

I understand the difference. I understand that no matter what tone the argument is in, the argument itself should be weighed regardless of that tone.

But the fact that terms like that exist bothered me. It bothered me a whole lot, and so I met with my friends and talked to them about the argument, and it was a pleasant enough discussion. I nodded and listened to what they had to say, and rebuffed the inner me that said "BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE."

Then I had a conversation with a male friend who proceeded to tell me everything I had believed/assumed about gender in society is more complex than "Men have more power than women" or "Men earn more than women". So, so many. I don't even know where to start researching so I can learn more and pick a side. Suffice to say though I think I am leaning more towards Mens rights, but ideally, a movement that isn't gender specific and is committed to ensuring less suffering for all human beings. (Buddhism?)

I guess I'm just really overwhelmed right now. Between A Voice For Men, Reddit's MensRights thread and its sidebar of many links and information, I'm very, very, fucking overwhelmed. All I see is just hatred and bitterness everywhere, but I'm feeling so horrified right now with the realization that the feminist movement is becoming so hateful, or at least perpetuating the idea that its okay to shut people down with angry insults and get away with it by making up terms to make the other side look bad.

I'm also feeling horrified that my friends did that. I tentatively asked them what would happen if it were me on the other end of that argument. They assured me that we're still friends, and obviously that other guy didn't have their respect (because he was not respectful, apparently, although I saw no insult, no condescending tone from him at all) and obviously we can have civil discussions even if we disagreed.

I find that extremely hard to believe, and can't help but focus on the gender... is it because I'm a girl, or because I'm their friend?

If I tell them that I no longer am on board with the feminist movement (I wasn't really a key player, anyway), will I be bombarded in that same way? How can I ever feel comfortable at all to talk about how wrong it is to treat another human being regardless of gender that they are expendable, collateral ... that the law that restricts their rights is okay because they can handle it, or that it's not okay but its their problem because society is on "their side"?????

No. I feel attacked, and I'm not even male, I'm just on board with the idea that the feminist movement is wrong.

Again, really fucking overwhelmed, and I haven't even done any research into the mens issues, only heard and thought about things like "Well, men often don't get custody of their children even if the mother is a drug-abusing, alcoholic, emotionally and financially unstable parent" and "Men are falsely accused of rape and nothing is being done to prevent false accusations".

Anyway, this is just... I've just come here to try and make sense of my overwhelmed state of mind and to poke around here. If you have any advice for me/helpful links on getting started, more easy/light reading before delving deeper please let me know.

I don't really know what else I can do besides read, but, hey. Awareness.