A few months ago I was at the office when my friend - who is a girl - texted me, saying someone is saying all these things about you online.

I was confused at first, and asked if she could screenshot it for me - she said she couldn’t. Then I was like - well who is it? She said “I don’t know”. And then proceeded to berate me, saying that I was trash and I’m embarrassing etc.

You can imagine I was quite shocked and a little hurt that a good friend of mine was thinking these things about me.

Come to find out that I’ve been posted on an app called the tea - where ex-girlfriend’s can post about you. This is the first time I’ve heard about this app.

What was said about me - apparently with my photo - was extremely derogatory.

This post accused me of being verbally abusive, being a drug addict, and the worst, a predator of young woman…

As I’m hearing this, I’m completely shocked and I’m racking my brain who would say this - then it clicked.

My ex-girlfriend Mia. We had broken up six months ago after dating for about 7 months. She was a very sweet girl from California. I lived in Oregon. she came from a very rich family in San Diego. apparently we had matched on hinged along time ago, and we had each other on instgram, where she reached out to me one day and told me that she would be in Portland and would like to meet me for dinner.

That started our relationship and it was pretty good at first. There was some things I didn’t like that she would do - one of those things was gossip a lot. She had somewhat of a valley girl accent and was into reality shows, and I just noticed that she would always have something negative to say about somebody, and that was when she would conversate with me.

It wasn’t all the time but more than enough to notice it but I just decided that we would work on it someday together. We all have our flaws

Of course, we were in a long distance relationship and that made it hard, but I was faithful the whole time. I noticed she had some type of app that tracked all my social media activity so she knew if I had liked a girls post - and had called me out for liking a girl I know post - which I thought was weird, but I understood. I made a vow to not do that anymore, and I stuck by it.

But then it got worse. She started making fake accounts with her friends and trying to bait me into talking to them. She did this twice and the second time I caught her red-handed - when I called her out on it she lied about it. I know it was her 100% and she never admitted it, but I still dropped it.

Going back to the social media thing, she knew everything I did and every photo I liked. One day when I was at the library working - she reaches out to me and was really agitated - she said “I think it’s disgusting that you would like this girl’s photo. “ She showed me a picture of a girl named Emma whos whole family goes to my church. I’ve known this girl for a very long time and I believe she’s a senior in high school.

I can’t remember what the post was, but it wasn’t something provocative and I liked it. She then accused me of being a creepy weirdo that likes young girls. When I explained it to her that this is a person I go to church with I know her whole family. It did calm her down and she said maybe she overreacted. But her attitude towards me was different and that’s when the fake accounts started happening.

After all that - we were fighting on whether to live in Portland or San Diego - trying to solve the long distance thing. We started to fight really bad about it and I told her maybe we should go on a break. She got so angry and started saying a ton of super hurtful things just trying to get to me. Which of course made me realize that this is not a person that I want to do the rest of my life with.

She reached out to me one more time after three days apologizing. Which I accepted, but I told her it’s not gonna happen and I did not want to pursue a relationship - and she told me “you’re gonna regret that. Watch”

Of course I’m like OK. What does that even mean? Whatever though I moved on.

Fast-forward and then this happens, and I knew exactly from the way it was worded that it was her. I’m not a verbally abusive person. I’m quite soft-spoken. We got an arguments that were completely normal there was never any yelling.

It’s true that at a party last summer - Unfortunately, I did some cocaine after drinking with some of my old friends. I don’t believe that that’s a good thing and I don’t condone that behavior and I’m ashamed that I did it. I admitted to her that I did that the next day and I completely was honest about it. I told her I don’t want that. And I truley don’t

So to take that moment I was vulnerable and honest with her, and also completely take out of context and Instagram photo that I liked of a family friend - to call me a predator and a drug addict - on an app where a good amount of my friends saw it - really upset me. Apparently it was screenshotted and passed around to friends of mine. Of course I tried to defend myself to little avail.

I wanted to reach out to her, I wanted to air out all the nasty things that she did to me, I wanted to defend myself anywhere I could. After sitting on it just thinking about it and praying about it - I decided that trying to get revenge was not the path - if people wanna think that about me and they like that app then go ahead. I know it’s not true.

I think the most hurtful thing was that my friend who reached out to me who I was close with just immediately believed all that stuff and didn’t even wanna hear my side.

I think that app is trashy and the fact that they can dox you share photos and they only have access to. It is frankly quite dangerous. You’re just spreading rumors about people that arecompletely unsubstantiated?

Would it be appropriate for men to do that? And for us to have our own app where we could denigrate any woman at will?

Seems like a complete double standard to me. Anyway, just wanted to tell that story. Love you guys.