Is this a double standard?

agentofthenigh · 2020-03-27T05:41:27+00:00

As a man something similar happened to me while very high on pain pills. Still to this day, I call it rape.

If you cannot consent, it's rape.

NDYoYo · 2020-03-27T05:45:26+00:00

Bruh thats fucking rape

bleepbloop326 · 2020-03-27T05:48:03+00:00

Poor guy hope he is ok

man_man16 · 2020-03-27T05:44:15+00:00

Definitely rape no question.

dazmo · 2020-03-27T06:17:02+00:00

It's nearly exactly what happened to me but I didn't have a gf at the time. It even sounds like the same symptoms.

Except mine was roofies. I guess I'm trying to say the succubus might have drugged your friend. Also yes it was rape.

BornFreeWE · 2020-03-27T07:19:27+00:00

It was rape.

Lion_amongst_gods · 2020-03-27T06:17:37+00:00

This is rape. Plain and simple.

froznlolipop · 2020-03-27T06:17:42+00:00

It's not cheating since he was drunk out of his mind and if he tells his gf they definitely gonna break up, even though it wasn't his fault.

Hunterconnor · 2020-03-27T06:38:32+00:00

This is rape... just, straight up rape!

AlistairH94 · 2020-03-27T08:41:27+00:00

He didn't cheat, he got raped, he should tell his girlfriend and the police, he needs help.

Sup3rt_ · 2020-03-27T08:07:48+00:00

yes, I think that it's rape and that M should file a complaint.

(and, yes, he should telle his girlfriend about his rape)

TrueGrey · 2020-03-27T07:41:45+00:00

Been there, long ago. It is, but nobody will agree or care.

BatSnoopy · 2020-03-27T08:08:43+00:00

That's awful, I see from other posts that your friend is struggling and I hope he's got plenty of true friends to lean on now, including you of course. Especially ones who also can see this for what it was.

That's rape or at least attempted rape, depending on if she actually forced to him to penetrate successfully. Certainly sexual assault then and earlier as well when she deliberately waited to try and make out with him while he was as drunk as possible. But with him denying it was rape and sexual assault you'd have to have some dangerously aggressive statutes for anything to happen.

I just dunno on telling his gf. Especially with him seeing it as he does. If they have a strong relationship and she trusts both of you, he should probably tell her and you should back him up. If this toxic female friend is also liable to say something to his gf or mutual friends about what happened, it might be best to head her off. I'd think his gf would want to hear this from him first, and your supporting testimony and possibly any other witnesses to at least part of what happened in your guys's circles. Definitely as many people who can confirm he was very drunk and she was completely sober and hovering around him, and especially anyone else who saw her coming on to him. But I'm gay and never really been in a relationship, so I'm certainly no expert on heterosexual relationships and what to do on telling or not telling his gf.

Great on you for being supportive right now. I'd also say try your best to get him to see that he was being preyed upon when he was in no condition to deal with what she was doing. I'd say use precedents and local laws and famous cases of people (usually of women) in the same position he was where they won in court. But if you can't get him to budge and it's just straining your friendship cave for now and just support him. Maybe bide your time and try again when he's had more time to reflect on it; and that toxic friend has had more time to maybe try and prey on other people you also know or even him again. Maybe he's not the only one she's raped already.

At the very least he's got acknowledge that she was sober and had agency as well. She should NEVER have been pressuring him if she was a true friend. She crossed a lot of lines and refused to stop, he's gotta consider that. How he feels indicates he very much cares about his gf as well, and I hope she reciprocates that 100 percent. But it sounds like it's hit him so hard that it's unhealthy, that friend deliberately nudged him into a vulnerable state with diminished agency while staying totally sober herself, and then pressured him like crazy.

FelineQuinine · 2020-03-27T08:34:14+00:00

Unless the sexual predatrix, the girlfriend, and/or your friend are big fans of feminist rape culture and coherent thinking, any attempts to point out the double standard are likely to fall on deaf ears.

Petrus59 · 2020-03-27T08:35:33+00:00

It's rape.

3iffel_B3lasini · 2020-03-27T08:56:45+00:00

Idk, but it is rape....

Egalitarianwhistle · 2020-03-27T08:54:19+00:00

Yeah I have had similar experience. I didn't think of as rape at the time, because you just don't associate women with rape and I don't necessarily believe I have been somehow damaged just because my consent was clearly violated.

But looking back, it was a clearcut violation of my consent. I also later came to realize that if she had gotten pregnant, I would still be on the hook for child support to this day. (She didn't use a condom either.)

john_nash1 · 2020-03-27T09:38:33+00:00

It is rape. I don't think you will find opposition on this one outside conservatives and radical feminists. Fortunatly alot of people now recognize this as rape. Try to post this in any other relationships sub and see for your self.

onibo · 2020-03-27T10:22:05+00:00

It IS rape

JoeSchmoe777 · 2020-03-27T11:30:46+00:00

Just swap the genders and see how you feel about it. This was assault 100%.

CageyRelic · 2020-03-27T12:48:00+00:00

That's definitely rape. 1. He was too intoxicated to give proper consent and 2. Even if he hadn't been drinking, it is so sooo wrong to just try to harass someone into having sex. That's not giving consent, that's being bullied and coerced. I know you will already, but be there for your friend. It's hard for anyone to accept when they've becpme the victim of something like this, especially a man. When it really hits him, he's going to need your love and support.

Avidion18 · 2020-03-27T15:26:28+00:00

She fucking raped him, end of story

lProtheanl · 2020-03-27T11:41:24+00:00

This exact same thing happened to me in high school. I said no ALL night and I got way too drunk and continued to say no. Eventually though I stopped saying no and she grabbed my hand and walked me to the basement. I threw up before anything started and then after she still persisted. We had sex and I remembered waking up and feeling just this heavy weight on my chest. I couldn’t believe it had happened because I had NOT wanted it to happen badly.

tenchineuro · 2020-03-27T14:04:02+00:00

M says he remembers saying no a lot and that f wasn’t taking no for an answer.

I seem to recall from somewhere that NO MEANS NO. Did I misremember?

baferd617 · 2020-03-27T12:48:54+00:00

Imagine if the genders were reversed: woman gets blackout drunk and a persistent male gets into her bed and pushes for sex. She says no initially but then relents. Every cop and court in the country would know that was rape. The gender role should make no difference in this crime.

woke_koning · 2020-03-27T14:33:29+00:00

Unfortunately if he came forward the whole situation would be flipped and he would be made out to be the bad guy, so maybe its better that he disagrees.

oggyb · 2020-03-27T17:23:27+00:00

You can help him control the narrative before it's too late.

I know it must be hard for him to even think about, let alone come to terms with and deal with it, but he's at least got a friend who sees the truth of what happened.

He can't be allowed to go to his gf and say he cheated. He must tell her the truth: that he was taken advantage of.

F is a monster in a society designed to permit her actions by default. Don't let her win.

2020-03-27T21:34:33+00:00

Oh my bad haha, thank you

LegendaryEmu1 · 2020-03-27T09:27:46+00:00

That ain't sexual assault, thats harassment and by most definitions(at least in the modern day and when applied to women) would be rape.

Now how he handles the thing with his girlfriend depends on how well he knows her. I lean towards the side of telling her exactly what happened before this girl says something different. While im sure the GF will be hurt, if he's honest and explains it, and maybe has you to back up the story, I think most people would understand.

If you were a witness to this, just in case, get an affidavit to what happened signed by both of you, just in case.

Unfortunately, unless you have a really good legal system about that recognizes men can be victims, I wouldn't go to the police or anything. However, this girl is obviously a little stalkery, so i would prepare for the worst, friend or not.

Oh, also tell the friend she is absolutely in the wrong, and she acts proud or hyper defensive, she absolutely knows what she did and that it was wrong.

Every-Call · 2020-03-28T03:42:13+00:00

and you just fucking let it happen?? under your own fucking roof?

Title	Is this a double standard?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	180
Comments	48
Date	March 27, 2020 5:10 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/fpr5ve/is_this_a_double_standard/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/is-this-a-double-standard.1199567 https://theredarchive.com/post/1199567

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