Just another deadbeat dad

RedditBlueit · 2013-04-24T18:03:08+00:00

You should not need a lawyer to ask the court to enforce visitation. Call the court and ask them what the court can do and how to file the paperwork.

Keep careful records - every missed meeting, every email, every phone call. Start reading up on "Parental Alienation Syndrome"; call Children's Protective Services and find out what they can do. Look for a father's rights group in your area.

(You may find the court doesn't give a shit, since they don't make any money on the deal. Never give up! Kids come to realize they've been lied to, and want to make up for lost time.)

Grethon · 2013-04-24T20:21:35+00:00

My daughter turned two in January. I pressed for more time from her mother. I pay without fail and I always show up. There's no legitimate reason why i shouldn't be allowed to have my daughter more than one day a week.

Her mother said no. "It's not a good time to change things now." She decided this. To modify otherwise requires a lawyer. She has one. An expensive one. No amount of documentation or arguing without a lawyer will do me a damn bit of good.

She doesn't see value in equal time with me or with my parents, and there's nothing I can do about that. It's a fucking travesty and I'd be glad to say a violation of human rights.

Background: she left me on her own accord. Left me off birth certificate so she could get free food, money, and healthcare then sued me 2 months after baby was born for child support. SHE LEFT ME. I asked for equal time and the court told me I needed to "prove myself" to get more than the bare minimum. No proof required from her. She hasn't worked since before the baby was born.

It's just wrong.

seego79 · 2013-04-24T17:22:52+00:00

i feel for you i really do.

i would first say that feeling like you do, you should talk to a mnedical professional. suicide will not help you or your children.

secondly, seek out any local support networks and see if they can offer any help.

just remember you are never alone.

redditsuckass · 2013-04-24T20:12:41+00:00

I'm not going through the same thing you are, thank God, I have primary custody.

I'm still fighting child support, and it's messy. I've found a few resources, and started a fundraising campaign. In fact, just got $50 from someone anonymous.

Feel free to PM me, and if you live in Florida, I can even help you with some of the paperwork.

Free_Shrugs76 · 2013-04-24T17:22:43+00:00

don't give up, you can get help.

a little bit down in the sidebar you can find links to organisations who provide assistance like fathers4justice

Bohica69 · 2013-04-24T19:57:46+00:00

Yours is not an uncommon problem and happens much more often than people would believe. At this stage I would tell you to pay your support, walk away from the conflict and live a good life and not beat yourself up over things you can't change. Life is too short. There is very little you can do with an uncooperative parent in this situation. And the uncooperative parent is typically a mother.

kurokabau · 2013-04-24T18:30:33+00:00

What would happen if you stopped making payments until you were allowed visitation rights? Would the judge just immediately rule against you?

ForLoveOfHumanKind · 2013-04-24T21:51:57+00:00

I am sorry you are going through this, fathers often get the shaft and many women truly suck. I hope your situation gets better - but do know that the kids figure it out on their own once they get older. Don't jump off the bridge because then the kids really lose. hugs

koakoba · 2013-04-24T21:25:55+00:00

Okay, you know what, dammit. Came here looking for some help with my SO, his ex is a piece of work. All of these stories are breaking my damn heart.

Check on-line in your state, they should have a form you can fill out and mail in every time she doesn't abide by the custody ruling. If it's too much for you to figure out, PM me with your state. I'll figure it out. This is BS.

Eventually the complaints should get you SOMETHING. Eventually.

randomhumanuser · 2013-04-25T02:11:45+00:00

How do you pay child support and not know where to send presents to?

buffalo_x · 2013-04-25T12:30:58+00:00

You don't need a lawyer to ask for visitation. Go to court and ask about Custody. Also some universities have free law clinics. Also some (in Tampa they do) cities have Pro Bono Law firms that assist in regards to your income.

Don't give up. Also remember:

CHILD SUPPORT DOES NOT AFFECT VISITATION/CUSTODY, CUSTODY/VISITATION AFFECTS CHILD SUPPORT.

It would be best for you to read up on your specific state's family court laws to understand how you have to navigate within this. It is painful, and its a long drawn out process, but they are your children and you need to fight for them. You're the example that you're children will see when they become parents.

pocketknifeMT · 2013-04-25T13:16:21+00:00

I see lots of proactive suggestions, which is good. I have a more petty suggestion, if the high road doesn't work out. Keep all that evidence of the mother keeping you away from your kids, package it up in a nice presentation and send it to your kid for their 18 birthday with a nice forward:

"Attached is 18 years of evidence that I have tried to be in your life, but your mother and the court system wanted the arrangement you got. Now that you are not under their thumb, I would love to start a relationship now that we can. I can be reached at the following when you are ready. I have been ready 18 years. I love you, etc"

Has anyone done this? It is worldview shattering, as well as proof that daddy does give a fuck, and has this whole time. I can't imagine kids not appreciating it.

ytismylife · 2013-04-25T07:37:30+00:00

Hang in there, friend. You're not alone in this fight.

Cardplay3r · 2013-04-25T18:03:02+00:00

You know OP, if I were you at this point I'd just not pay a couple of months, save every penny from your salary and emigrate somewhere, start a new life, let your ex deal with the situation for a change

rightsbot · 2013-04-24T17:16:17+00:00

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Buddoser · 2013-04-25T00:33:35+00:00

First, you need to realize that America is not a very good country and take that realization and do whatever it is you need to do from there.

Cardplay3r · 2013-04-25T18:00:38+00:00

You know OP, if I were you at this point I'd just not pay a couple of months, save every penny from your salary and emigrate somewhere, start a new life, let your ex deal with the situation for a change

Cardplay3r · 2013-04-25T18:01:05+00:00

You know OP, if I were you at this point I'd just not pay a couple of months, save every penny from your salary and emigrate somewhere, start a new life, let your ex deal with the situation for a change

Title	Just another deadbeat dad
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	212
Comments	39
Date	April 24, 2013 5:14 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/mensrights/comments/1d0rag/just-another-deadbeat-dad/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/just-another-deadbeat-dad.1611245 https://theredarchive.com/post/1611245

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