Question for female MRAs

TheCameraLady · 2013-04-29T04:34:06+00:00

I've been told that I'm setting back feminism. It's true that I wouldn't be able to own land, hold my own job, spend my own money, or fuck other women without feminism and I appreciate it for that, especially that last part, as I am a raging dyke.

But that doesn't mean I can't see injustice when it happens and there are ways in which feminism just doesn't treat men fairly.

oneiorosgrip · 2013-04-29T08:15:10+00:00

It depends on the circumstance, the individual to whom I'm speaking, and the nature of advocacy I'm discussing. I'm an MRA, but more specifically, I'm an MRA who is also an anti-feminist.

Feminists I've known have responded to me as if I'm defying some level of presumably mandated loyalty to the movement, with the associated behavior ranging from simple accusations to shit like this. I've specifically been called a gender-traitor, a slur that smacks of hate. Previous writing of mine has been attacked and censored because it highlighted an issue with a local (to me) domestic violence victim's advocacy group.

Some of my family have taken an interest, while some have ridiculed or opposed the idea. Among my family, the tendency to show interest vs ridicule has been divided strictly along the left/right politics line, with the left-leaning relatives ridiculing most of my activism, and the right wing members showing more interest in learning about it.

I have lost a couple of friends over my disagreement with positions I've taken on gender issues.

The response of strangers has been entirely different. Because my screen name isn't gendered, most people assume that because I'm an MRA, I must be male. I have received rude and sometimes disgusting statements about my sex life, my genitalia, my presumed proclivities; been treated as a pervert, a deadbeat dad, an unrepentant wife beater; called a neckbeard, a rape apologist, a misogynist, accused of aggression, and told I couldn't possibly understand and effectively discuss certain topics, under the assumption that I hadn't experienced the subject matter. Pointing out my sex after a discussion has taken that turn usually leads to backpedaling and other attempts at saving face, or the same "traitor" treatment I've received from feminists in person. Along with gender-traitor, reddit feminists have a habit of referring to female MRAs as "special snowflakes," a slur intended to suggest that our activism is a form of feigned individualism (under the assumption that all of the other girls are loyal feminist advocates) with intent to garner male attention and receive some undefined manner of special treatment. Interestingly, most of the people who have called me that have been male feminists.

CrossHook · 2013-04-29T04:21:04+00:00

Online, I've been treated horribly, called all the names in the book, accused of being a rape-apologist, misogynist, brainwashed (when I said that my only dream in life had been to become a SAHM, which I don't think I could do now)... the whole 9 yards.

literallyschmiteraly · 2013-04-29T06:52:41+00:00

On the internet lots of people just refuse to believe I am female. But I swear a lot, so that probably doesn't help. I have also been called rape apologist. The worst thing I've been called though is ...feminist. Some people simply refuse to believe that a woman is capable of not being feminist.

WildfireMP · 2013-04-29T09:37:25+00:00

I post infrequently, so most interactions I've had on this topic have been face to face. I've alsi been an MRA since long before I had an acronym for it. I've always been annoyed that as a middle-class presumably straight white female with a background in physical sciences, I constantly have the doors of oportunities flung open for me while my male counterparts must continually knock. I want to get jobs, etc, because I'm smart and hard working, not because my gonads are inside. When I bring up that topic, men tend to smile, but not verbally react unless we are very close, probably scared to respond in a way which might be construed as sexist. Women usually look confused at first. Some stay that way, some consider it for the first time and agree, but I've never had someone argue with me or call me names. I've lately been pointing out inequitable programming to colleagues (I'm a teacher), like when we get the eails about programming workshops for girls, I react with "That's awesome, we should encourage Mary and Susy to go, they'd be right into that. When's the one for the boys? I'd love for Jonny and Rick to get that intro too." Most colleagues have again initially been confused, but then agreed with me, but only because we're a rural school...slow progress, but it's progress.

Edited to finish comment...damn small buttons on the phone.

2013-04-29T07:09:50+00:00

But today I was wondering, are women viewed differently if they identify as an MRA?

It really depends on the culture and society where you come out.

rightsbot · 2013-04-29T04:02:17+00:00

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Ex_Tractor_Fan · 2013-04-29T10:18:17+00:00

It can be pretty difficult on the internet. Reddit often heavily downvotes MR-related comments.

IRL, I justify myself to the "omg misogyny" by saying that ultimately, I'm a humanist. I support men's right in the areas they're disadvantaged (family courts, false rape claims, assumed to be the guilty party in assault cases etc.), and women's in the areas they're disadvantaged (particularly in non-western cultures). I'm interested in human rights, and people come in other genders than my own.

The MR movement feels much more pro-men than anti-women, but the feminist movement contains a lot of hatred for men and MRAs. I don't like that.

Neurotikitty · 2013-04-29T13:07:37+00:00

I've been told a lot of things. Male friends have told me they are glad to have female allies because I can say things (and bring up double standards) that they cannot without being called sexist. I've had some women, on the other hand, accuse me of internalized misogyny.

More often than not, though, I'm accepted by egalitarians. Most reasonable people end up agreeing with my perspective - that men and women are equals and should be treated with equal rights and given equal responsibilities.

typhonblue · 2013-04-29T16:04:32+00:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X51zxgoPo2o

wweezzee · 2013-04-29T17:16:13+00:00

I don't identify as an MRA. But I also don't identify as a feminist.

Just the fact that I don't identify as a feminist makes other women look at me sideways and ridicule me.

boricuaprincess · 2013-04-29T19:48:40+00:00

On the web, nobody believes me (that I'm female). Irl, I was fired from my job for it once.

Coinin · 2013-04-29T09:52:14+00:00

@OP: Might be worth cross posting this in /r/FeMRA

2013-05-03T00:31:55+00:00

some laugh at it, but most cannot even comprehend it. How dare I to think different from feminists! Can't I see that I'm a woman so I'm obligated to follow the tought of those women? Things like that.

Title	Question for female MRAs
Author	ThetaOmega
Upvotes	31
Comments	47
Date	April 29, 2013 4:01 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/mensrights/comments/1dbfgy/question-for-female-mras/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/question-for-female-mras.1611557 https://theredarchive.com/post/1611557

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