My ex has a laundry list of mental illness and substance abuse problems: compulsive hoarding, alcoholism, bipolar disorder, possibly borderline personality disorder. After a protracted battle, I've managed to secure custody of my son, and have moved to a better school district. My ex is recently out of jail on her second DUI charge, and a child endangerment charge. I moved to a much better school district to both improve opportunities for my son, and to get some much needed physical and psychological distance for both my son and me from my ex's many problems.

My custody situation is unlikely to change, as between my ex not being able to drive for 2 years, and her inability to move, as that would mean she would have to deal with her hoard--she's never shown herself to be capable of that, even on a small scale. Further, under current law in my state, her substance abuse and child endangerment charges virtually guarantee her only supervised visitation (as she has now) for the foreseeable future.

My real question: I'm afraid I am boned on support. I am a mid-level system administrator for a local government agency. While I am not poor, or low-paid, I also don't have the money to support 2 households on what I make. I'm headed to an Alimony Pendente Lite/child support hearing, and it looks like I'm going to end up paying my ex about a third of my take home pay. If I do that, my son is screwed: he won't be able to go on the field trip his school has scheduled, I won't be able to pay for summer day camp (and I need that, as I work full-time), nor will I be able to pay for his summer sports league. My ex is not working, as due to her many issues, she managed to get herself fired from her very decent university job (the job which we had both counted on to pay for my son's education).

I am furious. I stuck by my ex for 6 years, and tried to get her help. All during those 6 years, I did all the things one is supposed to do: encouraged her to seek therapy, went to therapy with her, reached out to her family, defended her, etc. I had my own professional difficulties during that time, including one lay off, but managed to secure an even better job to replace the first. I feel like the courts are enabling her to drag my son and me into her pit of self-created misfortune, while she continues to wallow in "poor me's".

I want to invite her over for dinner, and instead of serving her own dinner, take every morsel of food she would get in that meal from my plate, and my son's.

TL:DR Wife a fuck up, dragging my son and I into her shit.

Edit (update): My ex and I settled. I get no child support, but she agreed to no spousal support. Her not doing anything to support our son pisses me off, but under the laws of my state, I think what I got was as good as it was ever going to be.