Becoming okay with caring

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-03-13T23:25:02+00:00

experience and time

when i first became a realtor, which is weirdly a lot like dating lol, i used to get overly attached to ever client and every transcation becaus ei had a scarcity mentality (and a scarcity!) and little experience.

id get upset when clients ditched me or when a transaction was falling through

juggling multiple clients and experience and time gave me a zen attitude towards it all. "oh well, cant win em all...next!"

exit_sandman · 2019-03-13T21:49:37+00:00

Instead of IDGAF, it is caring but being okay with things not working out your way. "I like her but if she doesn't like me back, that's cool".

So, in other words, putting yourself into the position the internet would want orbiters to be content with: being supercool with one-sided affection.

Sorry, I'll take IDGAF over this.

Workaholico · 2019-03-13T21:52:30+00:00

This is something that I think TRP either gets wrong or doesn't push enough. It's the difference between not caring and being okay with caring.

You derived my definition of reality acceptance. You have to accept reality for what it is, be it at your favor or against, be what you feel or what you don't.

Greek Stoicism talks about it.

I understand that the rage phase TRPs don't talk much about it, but it is still a core for old guys like myself.

So the question is, how does one become okay with caring?

Accept your feelings. They are part of reality.

Just like a person who lost a loved one need to accept his/her lost and get rid of it at some point.

You have to accept your love too. If your love is good, you just accept it.

If it was never to be, you accept it was never to be, and let it go like the grief for lost one

Just that. Not hard.

sexykavu · 2019-03-13T22:27:51+00:00

TRP has no issue with caring if the girl has earned that kind of commitment. It's just an issue of not over extending yourself and becoming the loser in the power dynamic, which results in exploitation, rejection, and sadness.

Basically, you go into it guarded and only show comfort and care if it's earned. And even then you don't over do it

whatyoucallaflip · 2019-03-13T22:55:40+00:00

Do you really want to become okay with caring?

My experience has been that even in perfect conditions the benefits of doing so have a shelf life

And the worst case scenario is complete and total annihilation of the self

I'm happy to leave the "just take a chance" people to just take a chance while I do what works best for my stability and growth, which is to maintain an ego distance

Everything ends

Don't Forget

Xemnas81 · 2019-03-14T00:00:16+00:00

You're describing vulnerability, IDGAF is the first stage to get past neediness and developing outcome independence. That stage has to end eventually though or one will develop an insecure attachment (commitment avoidant/intimacy-avoidant.)

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stats135 · 2019-03-13T22:48:13+00:00

Caring is just having a emotional response to something, and its fine to have emotions. Its not fine when you let your emotions override logic and reason. Its okay if you want to "reap the shared emotional happiness" but that is only if it doesn't detract from the more important/tangible aspects of a relationship.

If I don't get any returns on an emotional investment, then so be it. But its rarely ever JUST emotional investment. Relationships are usually an emotional investment, monetary investment, and time investment all wrapped into one. I can easily say "I like her but if she doesn't like me back, that's cool". But investing time and $$$ into a girl and expect nothing in return, that's a whole different story.

Whisper · 2019-03-14T23:33:23+00:00

If you haven't read my writing, I can't give you a meaningful response to your criticism of it.

[deleted] · 2019-03-16T12:50:36+00:00

Most who say that do give a fuck. You can't not give a fuck and on some level it's not cool.

Part of maturity is knowing when to move on without resentment.

ScootsScoots · 2019-03-14T13:42:22+00:00

It's because many men who gravitate towards trp have been getting burned because they care too much too early. You know the weird guy who goes all out on a first date to the point of it being weird. He cares too much.

So in the beginning stages of "training" I guess we will call it, this man needs to learn not to care.

Of course overtime as he normalizes he can relax on some of the hard rules a bit because he now knows how to handle himself.

Of course a man cares when he gets shot down. It's how much he cares that makes him a beta or not. Does he laugh it off and go "that stings a little" because he can realize that it's both a minor bummer and hilarious at the same time? Or does he really get upset and let it ruin his night and fuck with his world view for the next week?

Title	Becoming okay with caring
Author	whatdidshewrite
Upvotes	3
Comments	56
Date	March 13, 2019 9:40 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/b0rrqu/becoming_okay_with_caring/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/becoming-okay-with-caring.256767 https://theredarchive.com/post/256767

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