CMV: My/A former slut can not fully commit to monogamy

LifterofThings · 2018-02-11T13:28:23+00:00

There are so many red flags in her behavior and in your story that have nothing to do with her N-count.

.... buuuut you seem to like her, so proceed with caution if that's what you want to do. I'd advise against moving in with or making a serious long-term commitment to her unless YOU are satisfied that she's made the requisite personal-growth leaps.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2018-02-11T14:50:45+00:00

Well im high N and 100% monogamous in relationships (married 15 years now), have no desire for open relationships and none of the behaviors you describe. If you stayed with a girl who pushed for an open relationship that's on you

Willow-girl · 2018-02-11T12:23:46+00:00

A slut can be monogamous if she chooses to be (I am, lol) but she has to want it. This

She straight up told me, she didn't want to go from relationship to relationship, but felt like she was doing so. She said it was her moment of being free again after 1 1/2 years in a restricting relationship.

is a big red flag! Also, she is your first? You are not ready to settle down yet either! Especially with a partner whose count is higher than yours. It seems men often come to resent that and to hold a grudge against the partner they perceive as having had more fun than they did.

Electra_Cute · 2018-02-11T13:02:23+00:00

Because of your personal experiences dating and interacting with people you came to this conclusion? I am trying to figure out how having sexual intercourse with people outside of a relationship is a reliable indicator on how they will behave in a relationship. It just sounds as if the people going on about partner count have an insecurity about it and do not want to say it is for an "emotional" reason rather than a "rational" one and then those people try to come up with some elaborate theory to justify their decisions.

YetAnotherCommenter · 2018-02-11T12:50:46+00:00

A former slut can be monogamous just as a Chad can settle down and commit if necessary.

The issue is exit costs. And in today's society women face no exit costs whereas men have very high exit costs. A woman can exit a relationship for basically free, or even with benefits. A man always bears a cost for doing so.

Does that mean sexually experienced women cannot be reliably long-term monogamous? Of course not. They just don't have too much of a reason to be that way under the current incentive structure.

Noxin__Nixon · 2018-02-11T17:45:18+00:00

23 is a bit young for anyone to commit that isn't a bit extreme on the monogamy scale.

Not sure why you are so worried about locking someone down into monogamy so young.

I don't buy into the bullshit about "N-counts" but most 23 yo girls, its silly for you to expect them to be ready for long term monogamy.

Also a bit weird to me that you are that focused on that as well if she was your first real partner. Seems really weird to be rushing into long term monogamy commitments with your first partner. To be blunt, based on your story I wouldn't be so sure you are mature enough for long term commitment.

reluctantly_red · 2018-02-11T15:33:19+00:00

10 to 20 former partners actually isn't that high these days. Such are the times we're living in. Some women I know are well into three digits.

goatismycopilot · 2018-02-11T12:56:59+00:00

Maybe she can turn herself around on her own and you aren't the guy it will happen with relationship wise.

GridReXX · 2018-02-11T16:13:09+00:00

A promiscuous person surely can.

Though something about her history with relationships is telling to me — it seems like she sort of just fell into them? Like the guy encouraged it or the situation and she was more or less like “Why not?”

I ask because every person I know who ended up in a relationship like this ultimately broke up or found themselves wanting to cheat. Why? They were never truly into it. Or rather it was something they didn’t themselves actively choose. They passively let the relationship happen for them.

This has been something I noticed with non-promiscuous ppl or promiscuous. Their sexual experiences or lack of were not operative factors.

It was the laissez faire attitude towards relationships or passively accepting whatever comes at you because you haven’t yet found someone that you want relationship into something.

Women are especially guilty of this, but I’ve def seen men sort of let a casual thing bounce along into relationship territory because the girl was aggressive about commitment.

Anyway IME, ppl who do this or who don’t actively choose a relationship nor their LTR partner are the ones most susceptible to cheat or end it for reasons that don’t seem fair to the other person.

Your girlfriend gives me those vibes.

She’s not sure about you at this moment in her life and all of her actions say so.

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PerpetualEdification · 2018-02-11T13:33:43+00:00

Gotta let a hoe be a hoe, dawg.

No_English_Well · 2018-02-11T17:35:21+00:00

A slut can deffinitely commit to monogamy a some point in her life. I don't think this girls is at that point at all. She seems to crave attention, and the momment you will not give it like she wants it (could be a month, could be a year), she will go find it elsewhere. Be very carefull around people who easily justify doing bad shit like cheating.

notworthmuch20xx · 2018-02-11T17:39:19+00:00

So CMV on how my girlfriend will not be able to turn herself around.

She acts like she won't

i_have_a_semicolon · 2018-02-11T17:50:23+00:00

how can you make a strong view off a sample size of one? Did you forget how to be rational?

JezebeltheQueen5656 · 2018-02-11T18:01:45+00:00

She tries to be the independent girl that takes what she wants, but internally craves being submissive.

she is submissive and very vulnerable to manipulation if I wanted to. She is more invested into me than I am into her.

How did you conclude that she wants submissiveness instead of a normal, monogamous ltr? Why are you projecting what she wants? Did you ask her? Did she said it herself excplicitly? What's with you men and this obsession with submission from women? It's obv. from your OP that you two are incompatible and you want to "turn a hoe into a houseslave"; she left an unhealthy relationshit and is, was still vulnerable so you, the mighty predator snatched her at her most vulnerable.. You are sick. Psycho. This girl was doing just fine before she met you, obviously...It's like you cant handle a liberated woman... so, she is from one restrictive, crappy relationshit into another with you. Poor, poor girl.

thejarjarbinks69 · 2018-02-11T18:59:58+00:00

You typed all that about a basic thot come on...seriously?

Title	CMV: My/A former slut can not fully commit to monogamy
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	4
Comments	119
Date	February 11, 2018 11:58 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/7wsf6e/cmv_mya_former_slut_can_not_fully_commit_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-mya-former-slut-can-not-fully-commit-to.263640 https://theredarchive.com/post/263640

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