I've been lurking for awhile, following the various discussions around age and attractiveness, and I've assimilated the OKCupid statistics; f2m peak attractiveness hovers around the early-mid 20s, whereas m2f attractivness increases with age (with a slight lag) up to an age of 40 and then gets stuck there (with an insignificant outlier when the preferred age suddenly jumps into the late 40s at 50 or so). I've been thinking about this a fair bit and tried to make it fit with some things I see in my daily life. Now, a lot goes into this, and I'm not sure I'm going to present it with any semblance of coherence, so I'm not expecting anyone to cogently address all of it. Sorry about that, but too many ideas and no motivation to bang it all into a coherent shape. I'll be citing a lot of anecdotal individual cases here, but I'll do so mainly because I think it's sort of meaningless to ask these questions abstractly, and to provide examples of what I think to be broader trends.

Many "socially recognized" sexiest men are older than this limit. Statistically, say, George Clooney, Robert Downey Jr., Idris Elba, Paul Rudd and Keanu Reeves should be at a huge penalty. Now, who are they attractive to? I do see the occasional person who, if their profile picture is any indication, might be in their 20s, fawning over them, which you would probably not get for your average 50something from a 20something. I also know that there was a significant minority of teenage girls (one of them was me) fawning over Aragorn in LotR (42~43 at the time). Another friend of mine was crushing on The Rock in her 20s (he was in his mid-30s and I'd be the last person to deny he was (and still is) extremely hot). So I suppose it's possible to break the mould, so to speak, on the peak attractiveness thing, even with unexpected audiences. But I don't think this is what's going on to account for the majority.

(edit: Supplemental point in case: 21-year-old girls mentioning George Clooney, complete outlier in a series of a mid/late 20s max ages.)

From what I see, there are a handful of possibilities. Option 1: media discourse surrounding SMA and attractiveness are not really representative of who is actually attractive. Paul Rudd might be SMA, but he's not actually sexy to the majority of the population because he's too old. He might be an exceptionally handsome man to women in their 40s and 50s, but only exceptionally handsome for that age range. Or he might be attractive to nobody at all, and the people who decide the SMA ranking just roll the dice or guess blindly. Option 2: they are attractive enough to offset the age penalty. Option 3: they have something that exempts them from the penalty, which I frankly find the most interesting possibility.

Then you have people in that same age range, like Pharrell Williams and Will Smith, who might not be much of a looker but for the quality that they look about 20 years younger, or Jared Leto, who got stuck at age 32 until age 50. We can make the case that Keanu and Rudd have aged well, but I'd probably be able to correctly place at least Rudd. With Smith, Pharrell and Leto, I'd stand no chance. On the other hand, the same isn't said of RDJr, Clooney, Beckham or Elba. They are just sexy, without necessarily being younger-looking. Do women in their 20s think these men are attractive? And what are we going to do with 40 year olds like Jesse Metcalfe?

(I think to drive on the point that "aging well" and being sexy are different things, just look at Jim Parsons. Rami Malek might be another person in this category.)

Now for women, just a few examples:

I know from experience that 33 year old Kylie Minogue of Can’t Get You Out of My Head, on attraction alone, would've been able to effortlessly pull almost any straight 13-20 year old male when the song came out (though I am not too sure how much of that is whatever filter technology was available in 2001). However, I imagine a 33 year old man going down into the teenage range would just look gross and disgusting to almost every girl (I refer here also to a few other posts in this sub in which girls/women 18-25 have indicated that men 30+ are old and gross). Likewise, I think Monica Belucci of Malena, then 36 years old, probably would've had no problem in the range of 20-30 year old male range, but that's my guess in hindsight. My female friends in their 20s and 30s are amazed by her 36 year old looks, but to many of them, a 36 year old man would be too old. Again though, cinematographic technology and makeup, etc. Then you look at the actresses cast with a young male audience in mind, I see a tendency for them to be in their early to mid 30s - e.g. Mila Jovovich in RE: Afterlife being 35, and Ivana Miličević in Red Alert 3 being 34 (35 in the expansion). I don't think anyone would make the case that these media were produced with a 40+ audience in mind and yet the appeal of these women is clearly towards sexy, and not maternal. So either the designers are making blunders, or you can peddle off the MILF age range to teen and tween boys, while the teen and tween girls would be horrified by the gross old 30+ man. But on a first guess, I would say that women in their 30s are substantially easier on the eye for teen and tween men, than men in their 30s are for teen and tween women (going by the prevalent statements of women in their 20s (here and elsewhere) that men in their 30s are repulsive to them.)

Now a bit of an ethnic element to this whole thing. I'm of Asian background myself and wonder how much ethnic background plays into this. To me, it seems as if you see black people overrepresented both in the "aged well" and "aged not at all" categories (which I think are different): I thought Lupita Nyong'o looked about 15 and I was in absolute shock when I found out that she was 35 in Black Panther. Then there's the former Oldest Bond Girl, Halle Berry. Michael K. Williams probably looked like he was in his 50s, but I think he missed some details that usually come with aging; hollowing, sagging and so forth. Same for Angela Bassett, Mahershala Ali and Chadwick Boseman: they do look as old as they are, but they also look young (at least to me). (I don't want to beat on the horse of "black don't crack" here, melanin and lower bone resorption and all that. That's an interesting discussion, but that's not what I want to go at here.)

And what's the interplay with Asian background? One of my favorite go-tos for thinking about that is Kao Chiayu, a Taiwanese politician who could probably pass for about 23 if she got lower bleph - at least to me who is past 30. What do actual 20-somethings see her for? Maybe they see an ugly old hag. But she's got an insane social media following for, at 40something, being this spunky cute young thing at the cusp of her political career. Maybe just a following in Asia - but I generally couldn't really imagine a Western female politician in her 40s being celebrated as a kawaii girl. Sure, cultural differences and all, but I think there's a purely visual element to it.

Another example, I think, is Marica Hase(SFW), a 40 year old Japanese-American pornstar. Would I find her pretty if I was still 20? I don't know. Would I have found a woman with a 10 year headstart attractive at 10? Hard to judge in hindsight. But here, again, I don't think she looks "young" as such. But she looks less aged to me than happens to many people by age 40.

Another point, John Cho. Again, I think he wouldn't really be a sex symbol to a lot of people. Does he look exceptionally young? He's 36 in Escape from Guantanamo Bay. He's 48? 49? in Cowboy Bebop and convincingly plays a 33-year-old. At least more convincingly than almost any 48 year old could. Now people often say "oh, to me as an Asian, I was instantly able to tell the real age." And I agree that is true to an extent. But even with my background, I can tell you that, although I'd be less prone to misjudge the age of 36 year old John Cho, and I wouldn't even say he looks not-young when he plays Sulu at age 37, I'd still be able to tell that he plainly looks less "aged": he looks his age, but at the same time, he looks young. (I'd love to hear other people with an "ethnic background" chime in here.) And here is Jee Seok-Jin, who even to me is veering on the supernatural, Lee Byung-hun and 36-year-old twentysomething Wang Leehom. To top it off, there's other less well known examples who've floated through the media on occasion, like Joleen Diaz, a 45 year old teacher and Chuando Tan - Keanu Reeves is doing good for as good as things are, but there's a whole universe out there.

(Lee Byung-hun and Wang Leehom both married 10 years younger, but how much of that is "can sell as younger", and how much of that is just star power is hard to tell. I have zero doubt that any of the people I mentioned so far could marry a decade younger. Idris Elba, who nobody would say is young-looking, married a 27-year-old.)

I wonder whether there is a difference in the Creep Barrier (the age beyond which we consider someone a disgusting older person) depending on ethnicity, and how that is constructed, both within ethnicities and across ethnicities (I think I personally see more relationships with large age gaps among black folks, but that's obviously anecdotal.)

I guess what I want to get at with all of this is that it appears to me that there are three dimensions that do not all have much to do with each other: actually looking young (Pharrell, Leto), looking your age but less aged (Rudd, Cho), just being hot (Elba, Beckham). They can happen together, but by no means have to. Now I'm wondering whether any of this can overcome the age-range-specific preference. I'm not 20 anymore, so I can't tell whether, say, Pharrell, at almost 50, could "spoof" the part of the brain that tells a 25 year old that 50 year old guys are old and creepy, or whether a 25 year old can reliably "sniff him out". What about Cho and Rudd? Is there a significant population that they could "spoof"? What about people who are simply known for being attractive, but have no reputation for being young-looking, like Idris Elba? Is any of these three capable of breaking the "disgusting older guy" barrier that moves around 5-8 years ahead of one's age?

(I realize that it gets harder to assess this past 30, because age brackets widen in the 30s, especially for women. So if Seok-Jin can pass as a 36 year old to a 27 year old, then that doesn't really help, because he would still be past the Creep Barrier and we couldn't get a straight answer out of someone in their 20s - she'd still be creeped out even if he manages to pass for 20 years younger. And for someone past 30, not finding him past the Creep Barrier doesn't necessarily place him as passing for much younger, because it's entirely possible that someone 30+ wouldn't find a well-put-together 50something to be beyond Creep Barrier, even if they recognize their age.)

What about the men? I know at least one guy who's 26 who thinks Chiayu Kao is very pretty, though he is gay and thinks no men beyond 30 are handsome, except Jared Leto. But in general, would a 20-something male be spoofed by Joleen Diaz, even if he would think the average 45 year old teacher to be an old and disgusting woman? Now if you have a whole population in which age frequently doesn't show as intensely and early, would that affect preference ages? Or are preferences communicated by something else which will not budge to superficial things like skin quality?

I guess in a more general sense, we can ask: how much of a spread is there around supposed age limits? Age limits, as reported, are obviously averages, and obviously not good at estimating how often they get broken - it's very different from not being able to imagine dating someone in their 30s, 40s or 50s, and never doing so.

I'm not talking of the occasional 20s-40s pairing; these obviously exist in any combination. And I'm not talking about the possibility of Stifler's Mom (which is a point of humor) or the "Stifler's Dad" counterpart (which is a point of horror and disgust to most people), both of which obviously do occur. I'm talking about general sentiments.

For a bit of context, I'm early 30sF and I think my own preferences are not instructive, as a teenager, I found William Riker (35+) handsome, and also crushed on 35-38 year old Shah Rukh Khan and 35 year old Jared Leto when I was around 16-18, though again, cinematographic distance might make things look quite different than in person, and then there's the whole rock/moviestar thing tinting my glasses, and it's quite possible I would've been horrified at the idea of dating them. And on the other hand, I found Daniel Craig old and wrinkly when he started playing JB at 36; but I think aging well isn't one of his qualities, so that might not lend itself to a general judgement. Now that I'm past 30, I think Tom Bilyeu is a handsome guy. So, obviously, my preferences are very confused.

Miscellanious endnotes: Something I didn't want to get into was Dr. David Sinclair, who some might know, who compounds on the mystery by being in his mid 50s, looking like he is his age, but also looking a lot younger, thanks to his... MIT anti-aging technology things stuff. I think "looking old" and "looking young" are not exclusive, paradoxically. For what it's worth, I also think Obama looked his age, but he also looked young for his age. Not to say he's a sex symbol or anything, but just to illustrate that looking old and looking young might be different dimensions. Another example might be Sam Lake; does he look like he is in his 40s? I'd say he looks his age. But he looks a lot less aged than people his age. Or is that my tinted glasses kicking in because I love Remedy Games? Vera Wang is the most extreme example: she clearly looks 71, but she also looks young for being 71, indicating that looking old and looking young are different things that can happen together.