Do relationships between men with low n-counts and women with high n-counts ever work out? How do you manage jealousy?

cantpleaseanyone · 2015-08-14T05:44:53+00:00

You need abundance mentality, the only way you will get that is by gaining more experience so I would try and sleep with more women and not care about the individuals. If it is bothering you when they ask about your past just deflect into trying new things you haven't done before. A great way to get anal :)

exit_sandman · 2015-08-14T05:47:38+00:00

How would women think about that? "Well they were the best experiences of my life and I can't imagine living my 20s without them, but it's totally okay that you didn't have that"? :-/

If you are sufficiently attractive, that's most likely what they think. They'd probably also think that with the situations reversed (they were missing out but you weren't).

I feel jealous of her past. She has a very high n-count with a lot of wild adventurous stories. I'm not sure how to rationalize things. [...] I'm thinking I should maybe do some MGTOW-type thing and forget "normal girls" and just go with sex workers or something to fulfill my physical desires but forget about really building something long-term with a partner.

Wooohooo hold you horses dude.

First: that feeling of inadequacy won't go away with that sort of woman as long as your experience gap is so pronounced. Actually, it possibly never will because you're coming from totally different places (her having had a fulfilling love life to look back upon and being completely unable to relate to how it is having been shut out of the dating scene for most of your adult life so far), but let's not dwell on that. The bluepill approach (at least from places like /r/relationships) would be therapy, the redpill approach would be to bridge that gap or find a woman whose experiences align more with yours (possibly both).

Second: Who says that you have to go MGTOW and stick to sex workers? The way I am seeing it, your problem isn't just that you need to bust your nut, but also that you are feeling inadequate due to your lack of experience, and I doubt that sex you have to pay for will remedy that (but I could be wrong, people are different). I mean, whatever floats your boat, but it's not as if that was the only option given the fact that you, as you said, meet mostly very sex-positive women.. unless of course you think that you owe every woman a relationship you're having sex with when she demands one (which begs the question why you should acquiesce to them).

I like this place because there are people of both sides and sometimes, even though I lean red, the blue pill has some interesting insights. Any thoughts? Should I just go with hoes or something and stop bothering people?

The typical RP advice is (a) acquire abundance mentality, since you're not having it and (b) at the moment you already are going with hoes - but don't seriously date them because odds are it'll blow up into your face.

PemBayliss · 2015-08-14T13:23:16+00:00

I can tell you that anything between you and this high N girl is never going to work long term. Have sex with her, have some fun. But do not under ANY circumstances get into a relationship with her.

There are some low N women out there you might be compatible with. But you will have to look for them. Good luck.

SirNemesis · 2015-08-14T16:03:05+00:00

Dump her. Equalize the experience. If you don't have the heart to dump her, tell her the truth about your past so she dumps you.

throwinout · 2015-08-14T06:58:16+00:00

I didn't read your long post, but the answer to your title is yes. That is what cuckolding/hotwifing, the fetish, kind of is. I'm not saying every cuckold is a low n-count man, but he usually is relative to his hotwife. Of course, that depends on whether you count those relationships as "working out".

betterdeadthanbeta · 2015-08-14T10:21:32+00:00

The women I've been seeing speak of their sexual past as the foundation to who they are and their flings as some of the best experiences of their lives.

Find different women. Try looking outside the bar scene.

Getting into a relationship with a woman whose "adventures" in casual sex are the very foundation of her existence, is not a wise move. Long term relationships are the anti-fling. Nothing adventurous about them, outside of very contrived and short lived breaks in the banality. Much better to find a woman who talks about how she was completely devoted to her ex for five years and loves cooking/cleaning.

unjung · 2015-08-14T05:30:16+00:00

Keep in mind that as you get older, as a male, you become more desirable. Even if you hadn't improved your circumstances, you'd still be better off at 28 than you were at 23.
You have to get over it, for yourself, not her. There will be many more like her. Don't worry about her and what she thinks. She either likes you for you or she doesn't. If pushed, I'd be honest with her.
Don't get too hung up on her, especially if she's practically your first. Get on tinder and go rack 'em up. At the same time, it's the 21st century. All your sex partners are doing the same. You don't own them. They're people too. Let them make their own decisions.

RedPill2015 · 2015-08-14T11:33:10+00:00

If you are ltring some post-wall slut, you were never redpill to begin with.

Whenever she means it or not, you are being cuckolded. Either demote her to plate status and open the relationship or dump that whore.

MorpheusGodOfDreams · 2015-08-14T20:04:34+00:00

it will not work out specifically because her identity is wrapped up in her past relationships. this is clearly toxic to any relationship you try to have with her, not matter how much you try to ignore it. You are constantly being compared to her exes.

feminazis_stalk_me · 2015-08-14T16:02:52+00:00

A woman is never "yours". She is only "yours right now". Unless you got a virgin, men have enjoyed her first, and more than likely, men will enjoy her after you. Things can change at any moment and you can lose her to circumstances beyond your control. This is why you must maintain an attitude of "this is great, but it could all end tomorrow!".

This is in casual flings, FWBs, LTRs and marriages - nothing is permanent where women are concerned, and so you must not live your life for them, because they can change their mind at any time and leave you in emotional devastation - but only if you let them.

Remember: "GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN!" It's not just a cheesy 80's song, it's the female anthem! As long as you keep a woman's feelings revved up, you can keep her interest alive. Once things get predictable, stale, boring and dull, she is looking for a reason to leave. In fact, you can do just about anything to a woman and get away with it - just don't you dare bore her, as many abusive men have learned.

I'm not condoning abuse, but I'm just illustrating how important it is to make sure she attaches strong emotions to you, and how even negative emotions can still somehow manage to translate as "love" with women. So, knowing what we now know, you must not see her as any sort of permanent fixture in your life. Instead, see her as a guest who's company you enjoy, whom you will have fond memories of when she decides to move on.

THIS is the only way to have abundance mentality when you have no other options - by realizing that she is not responsible for your happiness (you are) and not expecting anything from her. Don't attach your hopes, dreams or ideals onto her. Don't make the mistake of assuming she's more than she is - a woman. Just enjoy her while it lasts and expect the eventual end - not with trepidation, but with calm certainty. And plow that naughty little cunt into the mattress every chance you get - just be sure to wrap it up.

gavinok · 2015-08-14T06:39:08+00:00

Hmmm, from the sound of it, your particular issue is different from TRP narrative, in the case of this girl.

Normally, the idea is that when you match up a low N-count man and high N-count woman, you get a comfort-attraction imbalance in a relationship. The man feels very attracted to the woman sexually, because he is new to the dating/sex/hookup scene. His thoughts and his brain highly values new sexual experiences. On the other hand, the woman is much harder to please here. She has been around the block, she has fucked lots of men, and had lots of wild, crazy sexual experiences. She has experienced very intense high's from sex and orgasm. When she meets a new guy, if he doesn't compare to the encounters of her past, she might enjoy sex with him, but she feels as though she "settled", that this man is the best she has at the moment.

Your issue though is more about that you are simply jealous of your partner's experience for your own self. In that case, I would recommend the following:

An important principle to keep in mind is that, if someone wants to do something, and they don't get to do that thing, and they have to live with the regret of not doing it, it's going to bring them a great deal of depression and sad thoughts in the future. This is very, very true for men with sexual related adventures. IF sexual flings and experiences are important to you, than you should pursue a lifestyle or environment that allows you to have them.
It's a bad idea to compare yourself to a woman in terms of N-count. You have to remember, if a woman really wants to, she can get sex very, very easily. There are so many options available for them. For example, let's say an attractive young girl want's to hookup with a sexy, male athlete in college? Well, in a typical American university there are 30+ Frat houses with parties she can stroll right into any one of them and get laid. The examples are endless. Sex for young women in America is like going to Walmart with an unlimited gift card. There is a lot of cheap, low-quality merchandise, and a few, rare, high -quality buys. But the point is, it's all out there for them.

Sigofbath · 2015-08-14T08:21:09+00:00

Its probably better to do some meditation on your insecurities and jealousies so they will disperse than it is to adopt the strategy you mentioned.

Paying for sex as your outlet will give you more of a sense of alienation.

GridReXX · 2015-08-14T15:39:35+00:00

I'm going to assume that even if you find a virgin, you will still be haunted by lack of sexual success before her.

So just slut it up until your past doesn't bother you.

GagOnMyCock · 2015-08-14T15:44:22+00:00

I've been lying about my past. She made it very clear in a conversation we had that her sexual past is an integral part of who she is and she sees sexual experience as important for personal maturation. I didn't wanna say "Yeah, I kinda missed out on all that cause I was a total beta ...". So I made up vague bullshit bout having had some past relationships but not in a while, that seemed to fly. I got really sad after this because I realized this relationships is probably not going anywhere, unless I maintain this lie forever.

Dude, I don't understand TRP at all. It's like a bunch of betas who still want relationships but pissed that there aren't suitable women.

This is how women are these days. That she outnumbers you doesn't matter in the least. Why are you thinking about long term here? It's clear with her number that you aren't her first and certainly won't be her last -- so just enjoy the ride until while it lasts, or until you can get a better ride.

And stop letting the "truth" of your past bother you. That's a weak man's behavior. Successful men tell lies all the time. WTF is the truth anyway and why do you owe it to anyone but yourself all the time? If she wants you to have a high n count, oblige her. Count all those women you whacked off to on the computer screen. That's about as much truth as anyone deserves.

If your mind continues to guilt you, give it a whack because it's not serving you -- just others. It should be serving you.

And stop thinking long term relationship. This was an early dip in the pool for you and you're seeking to cling to the first life preserver you see. Stop that shit. She wants a high n count. Do her a favor, add 1 to her n count, let your salami have some fun and then move on.

Stop overthinking it.

SmurfESmurferson · 2015-08-14T17:11:11+00:00

Yep, it can work. Source: my happy marriage. AMA

It may be a bit weird at first, but eventually you get to a point where that stuff just doesn't matter. Then it becomes funny - the husband and I actively joke about different stories from our past.

Once you get to a point where your lives are intertwined, you get further in your careers, and life throws some unexpected twists at you, you realize that you're just too busy and too content/happy to dwell on the past.

winndixie · 2015-08-14T19:31:43+00:00

Easy: the man needs to sit the fuck down, and whenever that primal feeling of jealousy comes up, battle through the discomfort, however unhappy his makes him. Case closed.

mcconnelldemasi · 2015-08-14T13:30:03+00:00

You want her to like you for you. I say open up your past and see what happens. If she is disgusted then dump her. You have plenty of other options. Abundance mentality is a way for you to not get stuck to a women who doesnt treat you well. I know breaking frame is usually not a good advise but I think you should take this opportunity to explore the potential dark sides of dating to figure out where your boundaries should be at.

chickenoverrice · 2015-08-14T13:43:17+00:00

Here's my take.

There are many people in their 20s and early 30s making decent money in a city that never sleeps and there is always something is going on somewhere. They've got the means and the venue to explore and really why not? So she did, but you couldn't. Someone could do what you couldn't so of course now you put them as your superior and you are afraid that they are gonna find out and that you won't compete or compare, so on.

There are people who can but don't because it just isn't their thing. Should they be self conscious and lie to make it up? I think not. You can't change what you were in the past but you gotta understand that you are now in the category of people who can. What you do is up to you. You can go MGTOW or continue the relationship or date around or whatever.

All I ask is, if you do whatever you will do, is it out of your insecurity or because that's what you want? If you are feeling insecure so you go MGTOW, at some point you decide to get back into dating and she asks about your past, what are you gonna do? Are you gonna be that insecure self and be like "can't explain, duck it MGTOW again"? If you don't get over your insecurity now, why and how will you later on?

You were obese but now you've lost the weight. Enjoy the roller coaster. Don't be at a theme park and give in to fat kid mentality of oh no I can't fit in the seats I'm going home.

Besides, as sex positive as people are in NYC they are also pretty accepting. Yeah if you revealed that you low N, you will get reactions for sure. But it's more of disbelief in the lines of "an attractive and fun guy like you??" than "oh look at this beta lol" that you might assume they'd think.

belletaco · 2015-08-14T17:31:13+00:00

My boyfriend was 21 and a virgin when we met, I was 22 with a count of about 6-7 people and a very serious LTR. He's expressed some jealousy over my ex when I have spoken to him/seen him but other than that, no complaints of problems arising from it.

Title	Do relationships between men with low n-counts and women with high n-counts ever work out? How do you manage jealousy?
Author	outerspace9
Upvotes	9
Comments	26
Date	August 14, 2015 4:58 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/3gxwcl/do_relationships_between_men_with_low_ncounts_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-relationships-between-men-with-low-n-counts-and.280328 https://theredarchive.com/post/280328

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