Equal grounds for relationship?

XtoDoubt · 2020-03-06T11:33:48+00:00

This is just the blue pill.

wtknight · 2020-03-06T12:23:40+00:00

Most people are in a mid-group. Beta and alpha are a collection of separate traits, and most guys, kind of like a bell curve, have both.

theeabee · 2020-03-06T11:42:55+00:00

Honestly I'm turned off by "alpha males" and have always found it odd that a lot of men who don't fall into that category (at least here on reddit) think that most women are only attracted to those guys. As most of the people I've been involved with seem a lot like OP, I'd say that any self-perceived "betas" just need to go out and interact with more people to get some new perspectives.

MirrorThaoss · 2020-03-06T11:55:01+00:00

So... does this exists in the ideology. I thought purple pill was te logical midground, but from everything it’s written over here it doesn’t.

And what is the purplepill ideology from what you've read ?

Or am I to be labeled a beta with delusions of alpha. Anyway I don’t consider things are so grounded as stating someone as beta or alpha.

People who think you're either alpha or beta are insecure and reject every beta trait out of fear of not being alpha.

Alpha and beta are sets of traits, you can exhibit them unconsistently depending on the person, your mood, luck, etc..

Some "betas" appear to be "alpha" to specific people/in specific situations

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leibniz2971 · 2020-03-06T12:26:17+00:00

Beta and Alpha are just archetypes, in the same way as Dominant or Non-dominant. Most of people are in the middle term of those 2.

PapaPinyun · 2020-03-06T12:44:31+00:00

Personally i consider a man who reflects upon himself and weighs himself on his own scale an alpha male; society is dedicated to eradicating that impulse so it means he is brave and intelligent and resists being conscripted into a groupthink cult circle. Add to that as alphaness a desire to pair w women of value who are their own beings and not appendages of the man's ego.

sublimemongrel · 2020-03-06T12:48:21+00:00

Most men have both alpha and beta traits. People use it so binary here but that’s generally not accurate. This sub is called purple pill debate because it’s for blue and red to “mix” and argue. It is not a reference to mean everyone here is “in the middle”

sadomasochrist · 2020-03-06T17:12:13+00:00

Lots of us started out like you, and we had to learn the hard way. Good luck on your blue pill journey.

Khaba-rovsk · 2020-03-06T12:18:46+00:00

This whole alpha male is nonsense, are some better then you in seducing someone some of the time in specefic situation ? Sure . Means nothing.

Dont get hun up on such labels invented by people with too much time and with some very wierd fantasies.

Anvime · 2020-03-06T12:40:59+00:00

The alpha theory was based on a very flawed experiment done in wolves decades ago. The man that wrote it retracted because he realized that wolves have actually a nuclear family with the parents 'mom' and 'dad' (that are dominant not for strenght but because they are the parents), inmature juveniles that didnt abandoned the pack yet and pups. Ocasionally if there is food enough they might be other relatives, like a sister of the mum, that stayed in the pack and take care of the pups too.

In humans is the same. The concept of being an alpha or beta is outdated.

taapy234 · 2020-03-06T12:41:22+00:00

Nope. Equal grounds doesn't exist. You fell for the feminist lie there buddy. The feminist revolution is about women and them upending their female gender roles, not the male ones. Of course, feminists will lie through their teeth that their "revolution" will help men too, but, remember, they have hot crazy sweaty sex with the most stereotypical masculine dudes in their free time, not your "equality" preaching ass. There's a reason why "male feminist" is looked down upon even among feminists in general.

Women pretend to be "equal" to rope you in for marriage, but they WILL demand more and more out of you and they will revert back to the AWALT nature the more that marriage/relationship lasts. You better perform well and do that monkey dance she expected you to or she will pack her shit, take half your shit and garnish part of your income for 18 years through legal means if you had children with them and will divorce your ass. And to pour sand on that wound, she will deny visitation rights if she wanted to depending on her mood. And the legal system will gleefully side with her with all this shit over you.

And then suddenly you will wonder what went wrong when you knew the reason why all along assuming you are familiar with TRP so far now.

goneaway2thewind · 2020-03-06T12:43:27+00:00

Honestly I find women will complain no matter what you do. If you lead and command they feel they aren't being heard and become defiant. If you try to be less dominant and egalitarian, they will complain about you not "taking charge".

I know different women want different things, but when those wants are constantly changing it becomes infuriating. Because you'll meet a woman, set expectations, then all of a sudden she is complaining about the same things that elicited a positive response before. So many are very inconsistent with what dynamic they want in a relationship.

I read this pretty popular book but the name of it is absent from my memory. The author explained that female emotions are like the tides of waves. You have low tide when her emotions are more reasonable and stable towards interactions. Then you have high tide when the emotions are irrational and unstable. All of this is an ongoing cycle. I thought this was the perfect description of my experience and the women I spoke with about this subject generally agreed.

Being that you can't control what part of the cycle they are on, some men just be dominant and it works. Even if women complain, eventually they'll fall back into low tide. That's why you meet so many that are always complaining about their bf/husband but always stay with him. Women during low tide will let their biggest issues bother them and fester, then during high tide will explode over the smallest detail. All dominant men have to do is be himself, and when her rage mode activates wait until she's finished.

I don't think women even want non-dominant men because when they feel like they can neg and push him over, they lose respect. Nothing kills female attraction more than losing their respected image they have of their particular man. Being more egalitarian, can work, but it has a lower success rate over time.

That being said, as long the couple are best friends, everything falls into place naturally. You have more contextual build up in handling these quarrels. My advice is to find your best friend and never stop dating them.

2020-03-06T13:01:58+00:00

Like shy/extrovert, alpha/beta are just categories of traits. But each person has a unique combination. I am super shy in some settings, extrovert in team sports. Consider myself "normal" (middle) but started labeling myself as "beta" as i saw the typical description of men & alphas as jerks for relationships. Ended up marrying my queen who loves having a strong voice/lead us, but is a follower in most other settings. I tried being "alpha" to her and it failed miserably for both. Labels help as a starting point to understand tendencies in people, but to me the relationship is precisely about discovering (and loving) the other person's unique traits.

2020-03-06T13:06:11+00:00

You're just a functional, normal human being, without psychological issues that are glaring to me when I browse places like braincels/mgtow/trp.

Most men and women are like you and I can only imagine why some conclude this is bad.

SleepPrincess · 2020-03-06T13:23:33+00:00

There's a lot of people on this sub, namely men, who must get some kind of satisfaction with putting everyone they encounter into a very specific category, even if they are complete strangers. I think it gives them the sense of some kind of intellectual superiority.

Any reasonable person knows that personalities exist on a spectrum. And, like a bell curve, you will find that most people exhibit a mixture of traits. The people on this sub are hyperfocused on the very ends of the bell curve in regards to personality (alpha vs beta). Many are obviously fanatical about their ideas. It's generally silly and poorly construed.

dylang92 · 2020-03-06T15:24:03+00:00

Are people really having an issue finding an equal relationship? I’ve been equal with all my gfs, she pays, I pay, etc. My current gf and I live together, and we split all the bills and split dates. I don’t understand, I have dated girls of all different races, backgrounds, and ages and it’s always been equal. If I feel for a second it’s not, then I just walk away.

futurecuckoldress · 2020-03-06T20:01:36+00:00

Well in 'the real world' I lie in the middle. Sexually, in the bdsm world, I preferred heavily to lead for a number of years and recently got sick of it. I'm craving to submit but haven't met the right person to do that with yet.

With 'the real world' (not bdsm) I can go either way. If me & a partner don't know where to eat it really doesn't matter. It's more about who I'm with than what we are doing. If they force me to choose I would. Otherwise it's up to them. Or how much money I have. Or the time of day. Or other factors. But these daily choices are not so important to me. So I'm relaxed on who gets to lead.

I don't consider myself either dom or sub in the real world. Just am. I don't think many people carry what they play as in bdsm spaces into the real world. But the types of Chad's who have that big dick energy that people think they are observing as the alpha male prob like getting pegged behind closed doors. Can you imagine having to lead all the time? Only a sociopath would want to.

Karmanger · 2020-03-06T20:08:34+00:00

Sigma is the middle ground.

Bntt89 · 2020-03-06T20:21:15+00:00

I think most people want this but realistically we still have gender roles so it doesnt happen. As much as women pretend like they want an equal relationship they still expect men to pay, propose, state the level of the relationship, sometimes deal with mind games to show commitment, sometimes even treat her better then she treats you, and initiate every single sexual interaction during dating. Understand that this is the beginning of the relationship, pretty much the foundation. But men like being bosses too.

2020-03-06T23:41:41+00:00

Both women and friends have always expected me to lead. Even at work I always get projects and stuff dumped on me in particular.

I had to learn to overcome my anxiety and become confident about leading. What I learned was no-one was ever gonna lead me anywhere because they expected me to lead them everywhere.

The girls I attract, generally are fine doing what I say, but if I just hint at them organising something, they freak the fuck out.

Sorry I can't relate to your experience at all. I never wanted to lead anyone anywhere, but life had other plans.

Jip_Jaap_Stam · 2020-03-07T00:07:35+00:00

I'm not sure where I fall on the scale.

In some ways, I'm alpha; I'm tall, built like a brick shithouse, strong, hairy, bearded and deep-voiced. People often find me an intimidating presence – until they get to know me, because I'm not aggressive unless sorely-provoked. I can be competitive and have one particular talent, which may one day make me rich, but could just as easily lead to nothing.

However, I don't lead and am naturally introverted, with a fair few Asperger's tendencies. I'm confident when around friends but less so if not, and I often come across as a little aloof. When I was single, I was not a lady's man or an incel. Plus, I'm neither handsome enough nor ugly; I have a "distinctive" look.

TL;DR: I'm definitely no Chad, not by a million miles, but I'm not a simp, either.

fifthsonata · 2020-03-07T20:04:14+00:00

I prefer men like what you describe you are. That’s the foundation for the relationship I have with my fiancé.

I think these “roles” are just breeding grounds for resentment in the long term.

Beachbum74 · 2020-03-06T13:39:37+00:00

Sort of had this discussion yesterday with my girl. She complained I always like to be in charge and make all the decisions. I told her she loved it. She said I do (meaning are you sure)? I said yes you do. You love that you let me think I’m in charge, make all decisions, until you pull the rig out from under me and say no we are doing this instead. She laughed (meaning I was right)...

Title	Equal grounds for relationship?
Author	redman334
Upvotes	6
Comments	82
Date	March 6, 2020 11:28 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/fec652/equal_grounds_for_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/equal-grounds-for-relationship.352758 https://theredarchive.com/post/352758

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