A lot of people on here, usually men, misunderstand what "personality" and "dominant" mean; I get that language is fluid and different people use the same term to mean different things, but there's some critical flaws at play in this sub.

A lot of men claim that women tend to like the 'bad boy' or the arsehole; when questioned further upon what they mean by the 'bad boy', it's very clear that they just conflate being a dick with someone who is aware of their boundaries and needs. I’d wager that your average people-pleaser is more of a smarmy cunt than the ‘bad boy’.

It's not dickish or 'bad boy'-ish to voice out your grievances in a relationship, or knowing what you want and approaching people with honest intentions. It's not being an arse to enforce your needs and wants, and to make sure your partner is aware of any problems. Of course, enforce doesn't mean a violation of consent, that's assault, but to let someone know what you want and are willing to put up with is basic communication.

If you want to try something out in bed or you want to make sure your partner is aware of your sexual and intimate needs, you're not dominant or a 'bad boy', you're fucking communicating effectively.

I shut down bs questions like "would you love me if I was a worm” whenever they come up, not because they're malicious, but because they're annoying as hell. I don't retort by insulting my partner's intelligence or claiming they're unlovable, but that those are questions I don't find playful, and that if they're feeling any insecurities, I'd prefer if they openly stated them. None of this is being dominant.

Submissiveness also requires clear boundaries, having known safe-words, communicating your limits and mutual respect and consent are all integral to kink and BDSM, submissiveness =/= being a people pleaser, that's just being a wimp.

I do think this also applies the other around; the 'hot-crazy matrix' doesn't mean average men genuinely want women fucked in the head, the good faith interpretation is just a woman who's exciting and is firm with what she wants and desires.

Literally just be confident bro, it's simple.