How does your relationship with your partner change after marriage?

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-02-23T00:15:32+00:00

the most important change i thought was the level of commitment and seriousness was immediately deeper feeling, on both of our parts. the sense we were really in it for life, the sense of being a commingled unit, at least on my part a greater sense of duty. people say theres no difference between living together and being married but i know both my H and i felt it, as weve disccused it

i mean, most peopel lived together for a long time before marriage now, so the sorts of changes most peopel are writing about ITT have usually already happened, if theyre going to. my h an d i lived together for 5 years before marrying, so anything that was going to change from just living together already did

DebatePony · 2019-02-22T12:55:20+00:00

Other than living together and bothering us to have kids the first five years, not much (family was too religious to be cool with us living together before).

However, if you count in society viewing relationship as legit, being able to have them on your insurance, being able to say "my wife/husband" (which imo is so nice), or the ease of owning joint property, a lot.

But, we were dating for almost 9 years before we got married and knew all the ins and outs of each other and our relationship. And while we didn't live together before marriage, we went on family vacations and to college together where we often lived in the same dorm and spend a shit ton of time together.

philomexa · 2019-02-22T13:10:19+00:00

I don't know, we only dated for a month and then eloped. Whatever growth/changes we've made as a couple was done as a married couple.

sublimemongrel · 2019-02-22T12:49:57+00:00

It’s probably different for every couple. For me it was kinda slow, but ultimately it feels more committed. For us, when we first got married not a ton changed immediately but eventually stuff gets more intertwined and there’s more investment in the union both internally and externally. I learned to compromise more and think more about “us”and not just “me”. Part of that is probably related to getting older and is also a factor related to more combined investment but marriage more for me solidified the commitment.

By external investment I mean things like buying a house together, joining finances, we are now going to have a kid, etc.

shoup88 · 2019-02-22T12:49:10+00:00

Dating for 12 years, married for 8 months. Haven’t noticed any changes. There were more noticeable changes at different milestones, like our first trip together, moving in, first shared family holidays, shared finances, etc.

PennnyLame · 2019-02-22T16:15:37+00:00

It didn’t really. It solidified and legalized the commitment we already had that grew out of living together and making our way as new young uns in the world. Now we have been married (almost) 8 years and together (almost) 14, I realize we have never really been adults apart from each other. I cannot imagine life without him.

HonestyOverCivility · 2019-02-22T13:23:45+00:00

Biggest thing: The honeymoon period goes away. The most obvious aspect of this is that you’ll go from having sex to multiple times per day when you met to maybe twice a week after a few years. This is more of a factor of time than it is marriage, but marriage certainly accelerates it.
Familiarity goes up greatly as a result of living together and feeling like you can finally relax: in practicality this means that you can no longer hide the fact that you have the shits after eating some bad Mexican and you discover all your partners annoying/gross habits
There’s a general feeling of “I can relax now...”.: This is a double edged sword because your anxiety over the relationship might go down but it also causes people to get lazy (stop being your best self, not being romantic, not going out on dates) and go into relationship auto pilot mode
There’s a feeling of “I’m stuck in this and I could have done better” and it’s worse if you’re truly a high SMV man. In most relationships where the man is a beta, the SMV dynamic is just the man slowly catching up to the woman’s SMV and not even realizing it. However when you’re redpill aware and actively working to improve your SMV as a man you soon realize how quickly you’re eclipsing your wife. It’s honestly like buying a car...the day you drive it off the lot you’re ecstatic, but in a few years you realize that if you would have just waited a few years you could have bought something way better. As a RP man, getting married early in life is a recipe for regret

poppy_blu · 2019-02-23T03:50:44+00:00

We lived together and owned a house together for almost 2 years before we got married. Nothing really changed in the first year then I got pregnant. Having children just changes the entire game. I’m shocked (now of course) at how often people underestimate it.

Littleknownfacts · 2019-02-22T12:28:14+00:00

Hey OP, can you make a small edit to the body of your post to summon the automod, thanks!

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des_heren_balscheren · 2019-02-23T18:51:06+00:00

It only changes in the same way that homoeopathy cures your cold.

As in it changes if you expect to change and the placebo effect takes hold.

rus9384 · 2019-02-22T18:27:29+00:00

If the change is merely a passport stamp... no how, I guess. At least that's what I see in people.

Title	How does your relationship with your partner change after marriage?
Author	Maybelowsmv
Upvotes	5
Comments	76
Date	February 22, 2019 12:26 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/atgzqc/how_does_your_relationship_with_your_partner/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-does-your-relationship-with-your-partner.257060 https://theredarchive.com/post/257060

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