There's a common argument I've heard regarding the male loneliness epidemic which I, speaking as a man, really struggle to relate to. It is apparent that a lot of the people speaking on the subject are laser focusing on the fact that, as men, others are hardly ever expected to care about what we need, never mind going out of their way to support us.

The subtext here being that masculinity is a prison. That is, all the requirements imposed upon men that prevent us from displaying vulnerability and the fact that when we do the sky always falls down is, in a nutshell, an impenetrable, prison-like institution that leaves no room for weakness. The part being left unsaid here is the fact that the expectation of such vulnerability can be, in and of itself, a prison to those who don't wish others to know all the thoughts rattling about in our heads, to not be negatively affected when, in all fairness, they might have problems of their own that we'd rather not pile onto.

It is this point exactly why I find such expectations around masculinity to actually be freeing. I know that, whatever state I'm in, people will usually never pay enough attention to care because it's not their duty to, something that I, quite frankly, appreciate immensely. If something bad happens to me, I hardly ever need to worry about it upsetting others, on top of my own already having to worry about it. It is bad enough already that my close friends and family worry about how I do in life. I honestly wish I could die tomorrow without it being anyone else's problem, but I'm not in the position to demand that of those close to me.

It stands to reason that, to someone like me, gendered expectations around masculinity would never feel limiting. However, it's not hard to find plenty of people identifying as male for whom they're a very real obstacle that keeps them from opening up to show who they truly wish to be. And I really want them to find comfort and safety in their identity. To be true to their being and not feel chained down by an imposed one.

And the good news is they don't need to continue subscribing to a gender they only feel suffocated by. Everyone needs the courage to assert themselves and leave behind those identities and roles society thrusts upon them. We are all better off if those of us who actually feel comfortable within our gender actually follow the customs of it rather than having them arbitrarily problematized by people for whom they were never meant in the first place.