How do you guys view/approach ghosting?

macmeeler · 2019-02-28T06:36:41+00:00

Yeah, it's rude.

Any girl that does that isn't the type of girl you want in the first place.

Stick with the 2/3 rule. Show 2/3 the investment she does, including on an emotional level.

You were the only one invested here.

Rifleshoot · 2019-02-28T14:30:54+00:00

I think it’s cowardly. Just tell the person you don’t want to see them anymore and be done with it. That’s a lot less cruel and wastes a lot of of their time and yours.

Ridabewa · 2019-02-28T14:19:47+00:00

I think it was Rollo who said women reserve the right to change their minds.

A woman ghosting a high value man shouldn’t even be a blip on his radar. But it affected you so much that you retreated to mgtow, so that should tell you everything you need to know.

I got flaked on for a date last night 😉 it’s part of the game. Let’s keep working to be better men!

TRP8myfeels · 2019-02-28T14:26:49+00:00

You've got feelings getting in the way of accomplishing your goals.

People that don't know how to properly decline aren't really ready to be in a relationship anyways.

It's best to deal with women on your level. Think of ghosting as them saving you the trouble.

Red-Curious · 2019-02-28T15:50:02+00:00

Welcome. Ghosting can mean different things to different people, the main dichotomy being if you just drop off the face of the earth randomly or if you communicate an end and then drop off the face of the earth.

My dad's "cardinal rule" he gave me when I was in college was: "When it's over, it's over. You leave any room for her to worm back in and she'll take it." I found this to be true when I dumped my first girlfriend. She was awful. She acted like it was all cool to be "just friends," but she continually leveraged any time together to try to re-start the relationship, moving in to kiss me, asking to go on dates again, etc. - basically continuing the relationship just without calling it a relationship.

When I was ready to take my dad's wise advice, I communicated plainly: "This is done. We will not be getting back together. I don't want to lead you on." She still tried, so I started turning her down on everything. Then she'd show up to my dorm randomly or message me on the brand-new website that was exclusive to certain people in my university called "Facebook" or AOL Instant Messenger - and I kept hitting that block button.

Some people would call that total shut-down of communication ghosting. Others would say it isn't because I told her in advance that I didn't want to communicate anymore. Take your pick. That's how I'd handle things. But as u/mado55 said, if there are any creepy or unsafe vibes going around, maybe don't even give that warning. I'm sure it sucks being ghosted, but you don't owe her anything and she doesn't owe you anything. Just accept it and move on.

SteelSharpensSteel · 2019-02-28T23:38:18+00:00

Consider it fortunate that she has told you by her actions that she is not interested in you. Look at the time you are saving!

ainihon · 2019-02-28T06:39:29+00:00

I’ve ghosted someone. 4 year relationship. Blocked her from everything.

It was necessary because she’s a narcissist and frequently gaslighted me. She knew how to push my buttons. Literally went on frequent anxiety attacks including ruminating at night.

So, for me even though I hate it when it’s done to me. Can’t say I haven’t done it myself. Sometimes it’s just necessary.

Not saying anything is a reply in itself

helaughsinhidden · 2019-02-28T16:17:24+00:00

u/Billy_King Consider it a blessing.

Quick Story:

I had a crush on a girl from 5th grade to 10th grade. So bad too. I never got the balls to ask her out though, just kind of friend zoned myself. Looking back, she also liked me too. I dated two of her friends, but was too scared to ask her. She dated two of my friends but I never asked. Years later, I saw all of the IOI's. She would meet me late at night and walk around with me alone. Stand so close I felt like my heart would explode. Make excuses to give other people some privacy. I was so blinded by my insecurities.

Here's the thing though. She and I weren't meant to be together and long ago I realized why. I was a HUGE beta. We were a poor family in a small town. I didn't have the nice clothes and cared that other people judged me. She was a teacher's kid and had nice things and was quite popular and admired by a lot of guys. I would have fallen HARD for her and had the worst oneitis in the history of all relationships. When 11th grade came, one of my best friends died, suicide actually. That caused me 100% DNGAF about anyone in that town because they were among the people that picked on him. Went from a boy worried what everyone thought to a young man about my mission. As you can now guess, that caused my new circle of friends to explode, girls liked me more, and I forgot about her for a while.

Senior year, I met the woman who is now my wife. I had ONS and GF's over the past 2 years but never any real feelings for them. She was different. I was scared. Scared of rejection like I was for the crush, but because I never asked the crush, I became MORE SCARED of the regret that jumped up into my throat like it was trying to kill me. I have never felt insecure about my past, about my parents money, about anything with my wife. She and I fit so well that I actually told my mom after dating for 7 days that "she is the one mom, I am going to marry her".

Conclusion:

Finding your mate for life is tricky. If I would have asked the crush out, it definitely would have ended very badly for me. I had zero frame and it would have been damaged. I saw a friend go through that same situation and after she left him when he was 22 years old, he's not even been on a date since and he's 43 now.

Sometimes in life, the best thing that can happen to you is one that looks like a perfect one ghosts you so the one you are ready when the right one does come along.

So, if you are looking for validation that she done you wrong, it was rude and I don't recommend doing that to other people yourself. However God is sovereign and knows what is best for you at all times, assume everything is working for your benefit at all times.

nattybbthrowawy · 2019-03-01T12:26:13+00:00

I’d ignore it and whenever she texts back to you I would explain that it was pretty rude for her to do it. Any girl that flakes or ghosts should automatically be cut unless they apologize or try to offer another time for the date

mado55 · 2019-02-28T07:36:21+00:00

I've ghosted a couple people who were interested in me. It's really only for situations where the person is making me feel uncomfortable or unsafe. Sometimes taking that precautionary measure is necessary.

RunawayGrain · 2019-02-28T12:37:11+00:00

Some of the time it's just being cowardly and wanting to avoid what that person assumes will be an emotional scene.

Willow-girl · 2019-02-28T13:03:07+00:00

OTOH you're not wasting a person's time or stringing them along, which is good. But OTOH, it's probably kinder to say something innocuous like, "You're a great guy/gal, but I'm just not feelin' it," and give the other party some closure.

rocknrollchuck · 2019-02-28T14:13:29+00:00

While it's kinda rude, look at it as a gift. They are cutting things off which keeps you from wasting your valuable time.

You being hurt by a girl that ghosted you shows that you lack abundance mentality. Fix that first and things will start to fall into place.

Deep_Strength · 2019-02-28T17:22:53+00:00

Be thankful that they're showing you early that they're not a good relationship prospect
Treat others how you want to be treated
Don't worry about things you can't control

NoFaithInThisSub · 2019-03-01T02:06:46+00:00

(First post here) i find it unacceptable and inappropriate, but unfortunately it’s becoming more and more prevalent in today’s society, even with Christians.

Even Jesus pseudo "Ghosted" people. (ghosting by cutting people off without an explanation). You think he had time to chase everyone and win them over? no. Read John 11 when He gave Martha and Mary basically zero explanations on why He "let our brother die" (which was a close mate of Jesus).

You have to make these 2 rules iron in your life:

1 Corinthians 15:33 and Galatians 1:10. Otherwise you will have these feelings of needing closure all the time.

Title	How do you guys view/approach ghosting?
Author	Billy_King
Upvotes	15
Comments	29
Date	February 28, 2019 5:00 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RPChristians
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/avn4gj/how_do_you_guys_viewapproach_ghosting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/how-do-you-guys-viewapproach-ghosting.301399 https://theredarchive.com/post/301399

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