How is YOUR Superiority Complex?

Camille11325 · 2017-09-22T14:09:07+00:00

Not a fan of the website design but the post itself is a classic RPW message!

sekoiasan · 2017-09-22T20:50:03+00:00

I definitely have a superiority complex. I don't let it show though, but that doesn't change the fact, nor the fact that I want to change it.

The complex isn't with an SO specifically, but in general with people around me. Anytime a person complains or shares a problem, I make snap judgements about the best way to tackle it. Then I judge the way that they tackled the problem. If their approach was smart and truly impressive, then I truly appreciate it and tell them. But quite often I find people's approach to be stupid, and stop myself to think: Who am I to think or know what the best way is?? I just feel like a judgmental bitch for thinking this, and must practice some peaceful "emptiness", which is simply observing and nothing else.

jack_hammarred · 2017-09-22T14:11:10+00:00

Love this!

Here are a few thoughts that I use to keep my own superiority complex in check:

I am far more likely to be critical of something if I understand and am familiar with something... for me this usually means I am recognizing something disadvantageous in someone else that I know firsthand because I have that disadvantage myself. Lording their fault over them, even just in my head, is therefore hypocritical.
Carl Jung says our weaknesses are overused strengths. Now the things that annoy me, or the things that I'm critical of aren't necessarily weaknesses, but this concept still applies. If I get annoyed with my boyfriend being a stickler about arriving early to stuff, I remind myself that this trait comes from his deep well of respectfulness.
I am good at things, and it's taken at minimum a few experiences to realize I am good at things. Sometimes I'm good at things because I invest a lot of hard work, too. How ugly is it to expect someone else to be perfect at something when I know firsthand what it takes to achieve perfection?

rpw111528 · 2017-09-22T21:16:56+00:00

I love Finer Femininity! She also has an Android app that links to various snippets of her blog. Def one of my favourite bloggers.

As far as the post itself I don't think I have a superiority complex. In fact, my usual problem lies the other direction in self-pity and being overly sensitive to criticism which is really something that I'm working on.

PhantomDream09 · 2017-09-22T14:48:06+00:00

Thanks for sharing this! I particularly like the humility quotes.

It's easy enough for me to understand my own shortcomings and flaws, particularly when I am with Occam and around other people. Where I have to muster up the courage and actually commit to saying something (which may also involve deciding whether anything needs to be said)...he'll already be deep into conversation with someone he just met. :0)

I have become more outgoing and talkative (without a doubt) over the years, and I feel very comfortable in the "meeting for work" type conversations and banter. I think I will always prefer doing things (helping out, seeing to other's needs), listening and asking questions than actually diving into an evenly split conversation with someone I just met.

I have a few personal improvement projects that are on going, and one that I have been considering is the 'hair or nail salon.' Many such establishments are portrayed as havens for women to kick back, relax, and gossip. Sometimes they are a community hub, other times it's a place to rub shoulders with the elite and size up competition. Location and social class will obviously affect these variables, but I think it's safe to say that socializing, gossip, and the potential for competition are generally present.

Employees have to make a client feel at ease, and conversation often helps the time past, since the stylist can't read a book while working on hair or browse the web. As a result, one of the most popular tropes for a hair stylist is often 'close friend and confidant' - even when the characters have no prior relationship. In "Legally Blond" the hair salon owner and Blond became fast friends. This is a rare reversal since blond actually ended up teaching the salon 'bend and snap.' In the show 'Star' the hair salon is a place for gossip, fun, and competition.

Feminine interests and female behavior (good and bad) always seem to be amplified in this setting. All of which is interesting to note, but ultimately not specifically what I have been thinking about.

The stylist is immediately put in a position of some standing and power, after all, they are responsible for giving the client a new cut/color. Depending on who you ask, and the location they usually get their hair done - the stylist is either raising their status from the simply someone that does a service, to being a new fun acquaintance, or they are trying to close the distance from well respected expert to more of a friend. I think both initial status markers remain ultimately, but it's interesting to think of someone either trying to raise or lower their initial position by connecting with the client in a more friendly way.

I could also be completely mistaken in my evaluation and would love to hear what other people think.

My core idea is more how the hair stylists accomplish this. One may dive right into 'girl talk' and ask about your romantic situation, another may bring up a common celebrity gossip story, or ask what's pissed you off lately. Regardless, it has been my experience when I get my hair cut (which hasn't been for some time as I now do that myself) that the person I'm putting my trust in knows how to put me at ease. I submit that it certainly helps to have warm water and a scalp massage, as well as the overall atmosphere of a salon working in their favor...but they still require the skills and temperament to read a client, adjust their approach if needed, and tailor their energy output in a way that 'matches' and compliments my own.

I have no idea if stylists actually train and talk about these things, or if the people that tend to enter the field are just naturally social and skilled.

I really like this image however. Of meeting someone, and finding ways to connect with them physically in a small way to create ease (hand shake, hug, offering them a drink). I realize I don't shake hands with another woman the same way I do with a man. With a man, I tend to want to match firmness and energy, with a woman, I am much softer.

An easy way to create more casual conversation would be to ask things about her appearance or hair, comment that you find something about her (maybe a necklace she's wearing) particularly beautiful. Additionally, you could ask about her experience getting ready for the event (maybe traffic was horrible, or she got a later start than she wanted to). Another way to create closeness (though this could create distance if done incorrectly) would be to warn her about something that is slightly amiss (maybe her dress is folded up in an odd way, or her bra strap is showing, or there is some paper under her shoe). I have always found that people are thankful when I point out something that needs to be adjusted...but I don't know if it's how I bring up the subject (quietly, so no one can hear), or how I address the issue (sometimes I'll just pluck a bit of fluff from someone's shoulder, then show it to them with a smile and apologize a bit).

I'm attending several holiday events this year that I don't normally go to, and I think that's partially why these things are on my mind. I will be a new, unknown factor to everyone else (except Occam and few of his friends) so I really want to make a positive impression. One party will be with everyone he works with...normally they have a small party, and keep it to just the employees as that tends to be a bit more jovial and fun. However the company has been growing a lot, and just did a big relocation and expanded in several new areas, so they now want to welcome everyone officially and show off a bit. :0)

It's really important to me that I make a positive and lasting impression with all these people, but especially the company owners and the CEO (the people Occam reports to). His job is largely autonomous, he runs things with the support of his team, and has a lot of freedom. I know there's a bit of curiosity about me as well...and I'm honestly trying not to think about that too much.

If this is rambling and scattered, I apologize, I'm really just trying to iron out some personal wrinkles and make sure that I am in the best possible position to make Occam look good and increase his reputation.

Waldorfmutti · 2017-09-23T11:30:37+00:00

Sorry, it is nowhere to be found;)

Title	How is YOUR Superiority Complex?
Author	Camille11325
Upvotes	9
Comments	15
Date	September 22, 2017 12:27 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/71qnh7/how_is_your_superiority_complex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/how-is-your-superiority-complex.208761 https://theredarchive.com/post/208761

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