Am I doing it wrong?

youllknowwhenitstime · 2023-02-15T21:54:43+00:00

23 is when I started to get super anxious about where my life was headed, and whether or not I had (or even could) move in the direction I wanted. I hadn't accomplished anything I hoped for by my age. At 25 I was married.

This is more of an it-DOES-get-better, don't-succumb-to-discouragement post than advice. And in case you're worried, I don't regret my "lack of experience" (no prior relationships before the man who is my husband) at all. It seems to have only been a positive.

The one thing I will say is that I failed to understand the importance of putting myself into environments where I could meet good men. I got very, very lucky despite this, but if I could give younger me advice, it would be to put all my effort into being in spaces where I admired the men and women around me. I got too accustomed to being a strong-willed outlier that could navigate anywhere without considering if this was actually beneficial to me.

princess_mothra · 2023-02-15T21:45:29+00:00

It depends, what are you currently doing with your life? Are you in school, working? Do you have hobbies?

mistressusa · 2023-02-15T23:13:31+00:00

You aren't doing anything wrong. But if you feel anxious, you can try taking concrete actions, for ex online dating. My daughter's roommate (also 23) went to a big 10 uni, so she will often go to sports bars in their city where alums from her uni congregate to cheer their sports team whenever there's a big game on TV. If you currently live in the suburb, you can think about moving to a city where there are more young professionals.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2023-02-16T06:30:28+00:00

Hold up. At 23 you’re still young. But you should be evaluating and vetting men now.

Then I started thinking about the other accomplishments that I thought I'd have reached by now

Women very often set themselves up for a lot of drama because of this. A friend of mine had this idea she was going to be married at 21, first kid by 24, etc. It didn’t go that way and she tortured herself. She ultimately got married at like 27 or 28 I forget which, has a couple kids and is happy with her life.

So don’t torture yourself, but you should be starting the process now.

One-Introduction-566 · 2023-02-16T03:04:34+00:00

I feel like I’m in a sorta similar place just being the same age and wondering what’s happening in my life. It’s scary but I think we have time… I think👀. And living at home is becoming more and more the norm with housing prices and stuff. I also want a bigger family so I get the pressure to start earlier especially when parents did!

if you do put yourself out there you can meet some nice men. I never thought I’d get asked on dates in person but showing up to meet up events or young adult church events and got asked on several dates. I didn’t know anyone when I started going and am kinda socially awkward(working on it).

Mission_Honeydew_597 · 2023-02-16T00:06:13+00:00

I understand the anxiety. And things happened that was out of our control, I.e the pandemic happened in our early 20’s. From what I read, I see someone who has self awareness. I don’t see what you mentioned as issues especially since you do want to make improvements for a better quality life. But to answer your questions, I have been so anxious towards my age. Thought I would have been married by now and I had different career goals then the ones I have now. I’m currently working towards dating more and networking more. So sorta in the same position lol but now I have more hope, outline, and tools since finding RP

kittenegg25 · 2023-02-16T15:18:29+00:00

Yes! This was so me at 23! So sorry to hear you are going through this, it is really hard. You should use this as a growth experience- I hope it encourages you to date maturely and responsibly. I don't just mean being virtuous, but be very upfront about who you are and what you are looking for. Many guys will likely run (or slowly walk away because they like you but are afraid of commitment). But keep at it! Don't be ashamed of this way that you are feeling. You are already more mature and smart that most women your age just by having these feelings. I pray that your man will come around, see how much you care about being a virtuous woman, settling down, and being a mother, and fall in love with you very quickly! I never lost hope and I met my husband October 27th 2021. We got married this past September and our honeymoon baby is due in June. He immediately loved and respected the woman I was, and was especially attracted to my longing for marriage and family. I know that being upfront about this helped us realize we were meant to be together from the beginning and made things move quickly. Do not lose hope! Be proud of your longing- it makes you a wonderful woman!

yohanya · 2023-02-16T16:53:02+00:00

I feel like it's common these days for couples to be together for 5+ yrs before getting married, then new married for 5+ yrs before kids, and so on. Don't rush, you're not necessarily looking at a 10+ year timeframe. When you find the right person, there's a good chance you'll know right away they're the one. Two years after we started dating, my husband and I were married with a baby.

What's important is being patient and making sure you're not rushing or forcing relationships that aren't meant to be. The relationship that becomes marriage will start organically. Put yourself out there and pick up more hobbies if you're really worried, but don't rush!!

KingOfTheNightfort · 2023-02-15T22:21:01+00:00

You are doing nothing wrong. Everyone has their own pace. Do not compare yourself to others, just keep improving yourself, keep doing thinga you love, and just be happy. Your time will come, don’t worry.

AutoModerator · 2023-02-15T21:32:57+00:00

Title: Am I doing it wrong?

Full text: This is going to be a kind of ranty post, so I'll try to keep it concise. I am 23 F and, recently, I've been feeling so anxious about my age. A bit of background: I've never been in a relationship, I still live with my parents, I am not social and have very few friends. This all sparked when I realized that two guys I went to high school with (one being a close friend) have already gotten married. I started to think about this and the fact that my own parents got married at 20. Then I started thinking about the other accomplishments that I thought I'd have reached by now (living on my own, working in my career, etc.) and it started to bum me out. I tried to stop thinking about it, but then I started thinking about fertility and how that starts to decrease the older women get. I know I'm still young, but I want to have a big family someday. Anyway, I feel like I've been spiraling with these thoughts the past few days and I came here to ask if 1) anyone has gone through something similar to this and 2) if anyone has any advice to either think more positively about this or to improve somehow? Thanks!

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marceqan · 2023-02-16T06:44:09+00:00

Comparison is a thief of joy. It’s good to be aware what your peers are doing to have an accurate estimate what’s possible, but you are essentially on your own path. The only thing to address anxiety is action - are you doing anything to move out/date/progress in your career?

Title	Am I doing it wrong?
Author	lady_marm
Upvotes	9
Comments	20
Date	February 15, 2023 9:32 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/11395i9/am_i_doing_it_wrong/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/am-i-doing-it-wrong.1152536 https://theredarchive.com/post/1152536

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