Cultivating happiness

1987dd1987 · 2021-11-09T00:30:15+00:00

The thing no one talks about with self care is that there are two kinds, indulgent and productive. Indulgent tends to be things that feel good short term whereas productive self care are longer term goals that you work at.

I would suggest engaging in some productive self care. Read a book that really sparks your interest and expands your mind. Engage in some sort of exercise. Meditate. Choose something you’ve always wanted to do and challenge yourself to pursue it. Learn a new hobby.

The point is to stop and connect with yourself instead of just being go go go and focused outwardly On Other people.

I always said I never had time to exercise and then one day I tried it. For five minutes. And it felt good. And the next day I did it for six. And then ten and now I do atleast 20 every weekday.

I used to read voraciously as a teen. Then I stopped because I didn’t have enough time. Then in a really rough low spot I decided to get Laura Doyle’s book and read a few pages everyday. Now I have read 15-20 books all of which have improved my life in some way.

“Not enough time” tends to be an excuse we hide behind so we don’t have to face our shortcomings or do things that are good for us but hard. when we don’t take care of ourselves it encourages others not to take care of or respect us either.

PapiSurane · 2021-11-09T06:21:11+00:00

One thing that helps me is practicing gratitude. It's very easy to focus on all of the problems in one's life while taking all the good things you have for granted. When going through my daily routine, I try to take notice of the things I have, whether it's a warm house, or a soft blanket, or a car that takes me to work, or readily available food when I am hungry.

This can extend to the people in your life and everything they do for you as well, not just friends and family, but everyone you interact with. When I am struggling to get through a long day, I think about all the other people who work long days at boring, difficult, or stressful jobs so I can buy food at the supermarket, get my car repaired, get orders delivered to my house, teach the kids in school, etc. Once you start thinking about it, there is almost no end to the number of people you owe something to for making modern life possible.

Lando_620 · 2021-11-09T12:13:30+00:00

Obviously selfcare is a main way to boost happiness, which I'm sure others have covered.

For me though the primary thing that increases my happiness is when I'm in pursuit of purposeful boon. Completing actions that I feel give or contribute to my purpose always brings me the greatest happiness. Admittedly, I'm a guy so I would guess some of the things that give me purpose are different from you, but I would imagine the overall result is similar.

Anyway, doesn't have to be big, something like trying to master a few new recipes can work. It serves the greater purpose of improving the health of you & your family, but it is also something beyond the daily grind that can give a boost of accomplishment.

princessandpearls · 2021-11-09T15:39:01+00:00

I am a person who has always struggled with being naturally “happy” – I have mild anxiety/depression and ADHD, and as much as I want to be that woman who is happy and joyful and warm and bubbly all the time, it doesn’t come easy for me.

Now I’m in a very different spot in life than you - I don’t have kids and I’m only in a LTR right now. I can only imagine how challenging it must be raising 4 kiddos on top of working and taking care of your home. So feel free to take my advice with a grain of salt :)

You mention that you have a list of excuses for why you aren’t feeling completely happy. I would start there - really write down all of the stressors in your life, whether they are valid excuses or not. Big and small. Identifying what’s causing the stress is a good first step. Some you may not be able to change, but if there is anything specific weighing you down that you can eliminate, or seek help with, I would make note of that. Bring it to your husband and get his opinion. For example if you are still managing the household’s finances and that’s adding stress - allow your husband to take over that role. If errands become tedious, arrange grocery pickup or delivery instead.

When it comes to self care, as other comments mentioned, it doesn’t have to be these big, indulgent, activities. Maybe it’s finding a new hobby unrelated to work or homemaking, journaling, reading a book, treating yourself to coffee or taking a few extra minutes in the morning to check in with yourself before getting your day started. I’m also all about multitasking - painting my nails while I listen to a podcast or audiobook or catch up on a show, doing a face mask while I clean the bathroom, etc!

reticentfemininity · 2021-11-09T01:39:36+00:00

I actually got a lot out of The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. She even has resources online to help you start your own.

Sea_Bookkeeper_1533 · 2021-11-09T05:53:47+00:00

I like to think of happiness as something you go looking for. Go to your favourite park and feed the ducks, go for a hike, go volunteer at a dog shelter.. Let yourself feel your emotions while you're there. :)

anothergoodbook · 2021-11-09T07:30:29+00:00

Thank you for taking the time for such a thoughtful answer.

I did order a crafting kit online to try making a new evening habit (to replace snacking), but I’ve also been looking for something meaningful to fill my time with (instead of zoning out on my phone).

You are right on with the last paragraph. I also notice my “martyr” attitude rears it’s ugly head when I don’t prioritize taking care of myself. I can serve from a much better place when I fill my cup. And I notice my family are more likely to care when I set those boundaries up and am taking care of myself.

Valuable_Patient4231 · 2021-11-11T22:00:01+00:00

between work and 4 kids and house and…and…and…

Do you have support in this huge workload? Both practical and emotional.

Are there days you can take off - no kids, no work? If not: That is probably one source of unhappyness. Self-care can be just having one hour to breathe.

LivelyLychee · 2021-11-09T01:37:47+00:00

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clitorophagy · 2021-11-09T13:41:01+00:00

Work and four kids is a lot. Could you go to working part time?

Title	Cultivating happiness
Author	anothergoodbook
Upvotes	12
Comments	20
Date	November 8, 2021 11:45 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/qpqje3/cultivating_happiness/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/cultivating-happiness.1085141 https://theredarchive.com/post/1085141