Dating an addict....

mabeol · 2017-06-02T13:48:12+00:00

If this is something you're really considering, stop being physical with him immediately while you make your decision. Physical intimacy can cloud your judgment, and you need your full faculties before diving into something like this.

I think u/kekerae pretty much covered it. Unless he is VERY actively pursuing recovery and/or is already sober, it should be a hard next. If he's had encounters with the law, that can limit his ability to find steady employment, and relapse can jeopardize that as well. You may be willing to support him and deal with it, but if your ultimate goal is to get married and have children, do you want their father to be someone who might not be able to provide for them?

That being said, many addicts turn their lives around beautifully and completely! It's up to you to honestly assess whether this guy is one of them.

applemist92 · 2017-06-02T21:25:38+00:00

My friend married a former addict who was clean for a year before they got married.

He was using again before the honeymoon ended. The marriage was annulled a year later.

Addicts don't answer to their loved ones, they answer to whatever they're snorting. Edit: typo

HulaEel · 2017-06-02T18:23:35+00:00

As someone who was with an addict for nearly three years, no, no, no, no. We went through many "I'm clean" phases but I could always tell. Went so far as to buy piss tests off of eBay. I eventually realized I was worth way more than that (and so are you) and am now happily engaged to a wonderful man. I'm not bitter about the experience either because it made me really appreciate what I have now that much more. If he seems to really be making an effort maybe try and distance yourself until more time has passed. If he starts saying things like "I need you, to stay clean" or "it would be easier with you" run.

asteadyheart · 2017-06-02T21:28:50+00:00

We actually had a redditor a while back post a question about it and then later an update.

This is her update.

She's not a rarity. This happens to a lot of people. All you can do is make sure that it doesn't happen to you.

Whether he still uses heroin or he's recovering, this is something to consider.

kekerae · 2017-06-02T13:16:34+00:00

I personally wouldn't. What type of steps is he taking to get his life in order? Has he been in trouble with the law for his heroin use? The only way I would even consider seeing him more would be if he's been sober for years, takes his addiction very seriously, actively attends NA meetings, has a sponsor, is very successful in other areas of his life (career, health, social and family relationships). I don't really have any experience with addicts in real life but I do know Laura Doyle in The Surrendered Wife talks about addicts as one type of man that you can't surrender to because they can't truly lead.

castawayc · 2017-06-03T04:20:28+00:00

Feel free to look at my post history. I loved a very wonderful man who lost his life to addiction last month.

I never thought that it would happen to him, or to me, but it did.

If you continue down this path, I promise you that you will find love like never before and experience the deepest sadness known to humankind.

Dating an addict is a trial I would not wish upon my worst enemy - but we do not choose who we fall in love with. I am praying for you.

jm51 · 2017-06-02T16:42:11+00:00

You already know what the sensible answer is. You're hoping for a 'I took up with an addict and we're doing great! Five years and counting.' story to give you an ok to follow a path that you know will hurt you.

If you insist on throwing away some of your youth, at least learn to recognise the pinned pupils of heroin users:

https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=heroin+pinned+pupils&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjDr_-Yy5_UAhXCLMAKHauHAOoQ_AUICigB&biw=1024&bih=512

SpectralCadence · 2017-06-02T20:32:00+00:00

Only three things are intolerable in a partner/relationship: abuse, addictions, and affairs. Hard next.

sitkafog · 2017-06-04T00:06:05+00:00

As an addict myself - no no no. His drug of choice will always be his first and true love. It's hypocritical but I would never choose another addict for a partner. Rock bottom can get reeeeealllly low. My advice is to end things graciously and keep looking.

imanewwoman · 2017-06-03T01:50:59+00:00

Noooooooooooooo. Don't. Been there, it sucks hard.

He won't be the magical exception to the rule that addicts suck.
Don't try to rationalize his use of drugs. Addiction is always addiction, no matter the reason why it started, the reasons they quit, blablah. Addiction is addiction, en of story.

Years ago I was in a LTR with an addict and it drained my life at the time. He was a functioning addict, his problems were weed, alcohol and coke (heroin is much, much worse). After what i went through with him, I'd NEVER even get close to a man with any kind of drug addiction.

Addicts can't be trusted, they lie a lot, even to themselves, even in petty things. They are emotionally damaged by default, and it might take him yeaaaaars to fix himself - if he ever does. Ask any recovering addict (that has been clean for a long time) and they will agree if they're honest to themselves.

Maybe if he was clean for years or his addiction wasn't so severe (weed for example), you could trust him. But you can't right now.

You have the opportunity to RUN, so take it. I was dumb and I had nobody who gave me any advice on this until I was too deep in love. Or maybe someone did give me advice and I ignored them and made up reasons why "this isn't the case" and kept on trying to fix him ( being loving, being more supportive, nagging, crying, babysitting him) and I became nuts.

Good luck! I know you can make the right decision.

fairydust91 · 2017-06-03T09:27:01+00:00

I dated someone who was an addict or at the very least, close to becoming one. Please don't do this. It might be wonderful but chances are it will be one of the biggest mistakes you have ever made. Addicts are habitual liars and you will drive yourself crazy trying to help them. Seriously, RUN.

VigilantRedRooster · 2017-06-04T21:25:07+00:00

Nope out of there immediately! I mean literally run for your life!

You're supposed to attach your wagon to a star, not a black hole.

[deleted] · 2017-06-05T22:06:25+00:00

Don't.

Title	Dating an addict....
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	2
Comments	20
Date	June 2, 2017 5:14 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/6esezl/dating_an_addict/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/dating-an-addict.72913 https://theredarchive.com/post/72913

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