Dating…

stripe_throwaway · 2022-09-22T17:14:16+00:00

You can't negotiate attraction. When the infatuation stage fades, there needs to be something to keep it going.

Ok_Obligation_6110 · 2022-09-22T17:49:14+00:00

If you’re thinking of something as simple as someone asking you to go on a walk as ‘triggering’ you might need more time to recover from your last relationship than you think. You don’t want to bring the baggage from your previous relationship into a new one, it’s not fair to who ever you’re dating as it’s your issue not theirs to deal with. Also it doesn’t sound like you’re attracted to the guy so why bother continuing?

Editing here to add, can we collectively stop using phrases like toxic, traumatized, and triggered? You had a bad relationship, not an abusive one. Those are words we used to reserve for literal abuse victims and now seemingly any woman who had a crappy bf throws those words around. It cheapens it for people who actually have suffered real abuse. Triggered itself is a word that used to be used exclusively in regard to PTSD from people who literally experienced war and violence and now women are tossing it around (PTSD as well) to refer to just crappy relationships. Being with a dude who was a bum and not a good bf is not anywhere near close to experiencing actual real trauma. It’s stupid and makes people not take us seriously when we throw around words like this. It sounds like your relationship just sucked but it was a choice you made to stay in it as long as you did. You did not experience trauma because he said he wanted alone time after hanging out and didn’t want to spend weekends with you. Let’s stop with the dramatics for one before you look seriously for another long term relationship.

Teacup000 · 2022-09-22T17:39:42+00:00

This comes across like you feel entitled to this new guy's money and are using him. What are you giving him in return? Do you feel like because you're not attracted to him, that your time is more valuable? He also deserves to be treated well.

As high value ladies or women what kind of dating do you expect?

I expect someone's enthusiastic attention. I'm giving them my time, they are giving me theirs.

As far as money goes, I believe it's impolite to insist on paying for my half of the meal but always offered. I cooked meals and made picnics. When dating my husband, I did inquire about his major and googled the average salary to see if he could provide for the life I wanted (SAHM). But I spent more money on him then he did on me when we were dating for sure. I loved him and wanted to make him smile. Now that I no longer have an income, I find other ways to show that I care.

Right now you're looking to maximize what you get from this relationship. This is barking up the wrong tree. You need to find someone who inspires you to give as well as receive. Neither your ex nor this guy are doing that.

Latter_Ad_6840 · 2022-09-22T17:43:31+00:00

You don't have to feel guilty for not being attracted to someone. By going further, you are repressing your feelings that you will have to deal with sooner or later. Attention is nice but if you feel disgusted by him then don't lead him on. It's better to rip the band-aid off sooner than later for him. Also you don't really know him yet, just because somebody is kind upfront does not really say anything about their character.

There is also a difference between being not attracted to someone and simply not having the crazy butterfly feeling like you are standing in quicksand sensation. If you were just feeling the latter I would say give it a shot but you are disgusted so I say forget it.

I also had low self-esteem coming out from a bad situation before and your mind tells you that nobody wants you and that you are lucky enough to have anybody, that is not true. This mentality leads to a cycle of bad relationships. Healing and empowering yourself is important at this stage. Find people who leave you feeing positively, hit the gym for the boost of feel-good hormones, get therapy if you can afford it or otherwise work on yourself using other means, it's a lot of work but it is worth it.

Nathalie_engineer · 2022-09-22T19:34:39+00:00

Probably my biggest life mistake started exactly as your story. I met a guy who was perfect on paper and all my friends and family were telling me how amazing he is - and he was, I just didn’t feel attraction at all. I gave it a chance and I was really hoping and pushing myself to fall for him, but it never happened. It however happened on his side, he told me he loves me and sees me as his future wife, he was planning our future together, while I was still convincing myself it can grow. One night I caught myself lying to him that I am on my period and that’s why I don’t want to have sex and there I realized I really have to break this off. I did and he was very broken hearted. I regret to this day I wasn’t honest to myself and to him at the beginning.

So from my experience - you can give it few dates but if attraction still isn’t there end it as soon as possible so this guy doesn’t end up broken-hearted.

PureFlames · 2022-09-22T18:57:30+00:00

You expect all this effort from him but are putting in no effort yourself, also its not fair to him if you are dating him without being attracted to him imo

kzeash · 2022-09-22T18:23:42+00:00

If there’s no attraction, there can’t be love. It sounds like you’re trying to force it.

WorthSevere5323 · 2022-09-22T19:44:43+00:00

I can relate to not being attracted to a guy initially and then seeing how kind and gentlemanly he is and then growing to like him.

I don’t really know what happens, but all of a sudden it’s like his looks change or something and soon I’m daydreaming about how hot he is just because of his actions towards me.

If this isn’t happening for you then you might need to break it off though. It’s not fair to you or him. You deserve to feel that attraction towards someone and if you want something long term that attraction HAS to be there.

Also, if your goal is to be with a hardworking “high value” guy, you’re going to have to be more understanding of his work schedule.

The reason why he’s so “high value” is because he has put in the time and effort towards his business which will benefit his wife and children in the long run.

Of course date nights are important, but don’t punish the guy for fulfilling his role as a provider.

Just my two cents.

sunglasses90 · 2022-09-22T21:09:03+00:00

Yes, you’re overreacting. And don’t use a guy for free meals if you truly aren’t into him. I do however encourage you to actually try to get to know him. A lot of us weren’t head over heels for our husbands the day we met. Actually a lot of us were like meh after a date or two, but we grew to love them unconditionally. I will say though if there is zero attraction to his physical appearance or it turns you off then cut your losses.

Give it 5 dates, and yes walks or picnics or whatever count as dates. Dates are to spend time together and learn about each other not just for him to buy you food. He’s obviously into you. He’s obviously willing to spend money on you and all he’s asking for is your time (which is pretty much free). He’s not daddy Warbucks and doesn’t want to feel like him.

Also please note that you can have dinner dates at your place or his and not sleep with him. It’s a good way for him to see your cooking skills and get to know you in an intimate setting and wait for it…. You simply go home after. Or you gently push him home. This is good after date 5 or so.

babyegirll · 2022-09-22T21:54:40+00:00

Do you like him or how he makes you feel? When past relationships traumatize you, sometimes it's easy to cling to the first person who treats you right. If you only like him because he's nice to you, then you do not actually like him. Dont string him on.

AutoModerator · 2022-09-22T16:48:18+00:00

Title: Dating…

Full text: Hello ladies ❤️ I’m back at the dating game after being single for 8 months. My last relationship was very toxic, nothing I did was good enough in my ex’s eyes, he criticized me so much, I did not want to spend a lot of time together and when we would spend time together he would always say he needs his alone time to recover which looking back is horrible. I’ve felt so unloved and alone most of the relationship which lasted one and a half years. We did not live together and saw each other maybe twice a week on average, never spent the whole weekend together. He did go visit his mother for a whole whole weekend though. That is a little background about my dating life… Definitely traumatized with a lot of fears, but now ready to meet someone amazing, and ultimately become a wife and a mother.

I have met someone, and we have had four dates so far. He is super into me I can tell, but I don’t feel what are usually feel because there is no initial crazy chemistry and I traction from my side like I usually feel. After the first date I even felt that he was disgusting and ugly to me looks wise, and the idea of him kissing me or touching me grossed me out. He was super nice though so I gave it another chance, and he took me to the movies and was such a gentleman and something shifted in me and I started to like him not because of the looks but because of how he treated me. We then also had a quick lunch date, and then he wanted to meet again but was not making any specific plans and I kind of freaked out on him and said that I expect proper dates and not some kind of random meet ups and going for a walk… He then called me and invited me for dinner and picked me up with flowers and took me to a nice restaurant. At the end of the date he asked me if I would like to see him the next day and I said sure, but then the next day he texted that he has more work than he anticipated and that we could meet later than planned around 8 PM and maybe go for a walk or something… This already triggered me because my ex would only ever go on walks with me and never put any effort into taking me out and I said that I was not counting on meeting him since he messaged me that he has more things to do than anticipated and that I already have plans. He didn’t ask me if we can have a call later and I said that I don’t know if I will have time.

Ladies my question is am I over reacting? As high value ladies or women what kind of dating do you expect? looking for any advice ❤️❤️❤️

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PhorTwenT · 2022-09-22T18:16:23+00:00

The entitlement…the games…the disgust and low respect you have towards this guy because you don’t find him attractive. Please end things with him so he can find someone that will appreciate his time and reciprocate rather than trying to extract things from him as you are doing.

Title	Dating…
Author	karolinafit
Upvotes	0
Comments	21
Date	September 22, 2022 4:48 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/xl6l17/dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/dating.1132089 https://theredarchive.com/post/1132089

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