I’m kidding about the title. No really I am. My husband is neither tamed nor as upbeat and pleasant as a border collie. What he is, is utterly devoted to his wife and family. Now before anyone goes throwing the term “beta” around, here’s a quote from a friend (pre-kids):

 

Guy is like a fire breathing dragon with a princess. He is a threat to everyone else but fiercely protective and gentle with you. I can’t wait to see what he’s like with kids.

 

So why do I bring this up?

 

Whisper one wrote a post about how "The Talk" is stupid and not to do it. To say that it received push back would be an understatement. Women want a verbal confirmation from their partners to know where they are in the relationship.

 

The desire to know “what are we” is an understandable one but the post makes some salient points about the nature of commitment. Specifically this:

 

Commitment itself is the desire to keep you in his life. This is not a conscious act. A man can neither deliberately give you commitment nor deliberately withhold it.
 

Putting aside whether you should have the talk - I’d like to do a deep dive into the concept of “commitment”.

 

There are two ways to look at commitment. There is the 'where are we' form of commitment. That is 'we are dating' or 'we are exclusive' or 'we are engaged'.

 

Many women would assume that 'we are engaged' is commitment and well, it is. It fits the definition, it is technically correct (the best kind of correct).

 

In spite of this being “technically commitment”, you can go through the relationship steps and still have a relationship fail at any step. We talk about RPW’s inspiring commitment so why would an RPW relationship fail once you have the ring? The logic goes: you have the ring so you obviously inspired commitment..

 

But commitment isn’t a contract. It is a strong feeling of love and loyalty.

 

Instead of commitment, we should talk in terms of 'devotion'. Have you inspired devotion?

 

What might this look like, you ask:

  • He stops talking to other women because it feels more fulfilling to focus his time on you.

  • He gets you an incredibly meaningful gift on your birthday not because he felt like he was supposed to (or because you’ve pressured him into it), but because he feels happy to make you smile and filled with childlike glee.

  • He takes care of you when you’re sick because he feels hurt to see you suffering, and wants to do everything he can to make you feel better.

 

These are just a few small examples but when we say that commitment is a feeling, this is really what we are talking about. He feels like you are important, like you have a place in his life. He feels like he doesn't want to be with anyone else. He feels like he wants to protect you and ensure the best for you and your shared life together. This is our target, we want to inspire him to FEEL like you are THE woman for him.

 

And this is something that, in the long term, can, and must, be cared for and tended. You treat him well; do your best to understand him; fulfill his needs and you will receive devotion. A devoted man is unlikely to stray or to consider another woman (unless you agree on that and in some cases that can make him even more devoted you to because reasons). Your submission will be cherished, not abused.

 

Much of the Red Pill begins with the premise:

women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment

 

Men should be inspiring you to lust after them. That’s their job and if he doesn’t make you want to roll around in the hay, then you should not. You should be inspiring your man to feel like you are the only girl for him. If you aren’t doing that job, then any verbal promise of commitment is meaningless in the long term.

 

Are you with me so far?

 

Next time: What does devotion look like AKA Why Can’t I have The Talk? and How to Inspire Devotion AKA The RPW Playbook condensed into One Post and Can all men be devoted? AKA What about Vetting AKA Is there an RPW easy mode?