Disabled ex husband

talalik · 2023-06-18T10:47:56+00:00

OP, you’re a remarkable and good woman to take on the responsibility of your ex husband that way.

Can he go on disability if he’s disabled? That would relieve some of your financial burden (knowing government assistance, it wouldn’t relieve all of it). Perhaps a caregiver would be covered under that and he could be placed somewhere that he will be taken care of? Or wouldn’t you trust strangers to look after him?

You’re a kind soul, and you deserve to find your happiness.

sicrm · 2023-06-18T12:32:30+00:00

I'm the breadwinner in my household. So I take care of my mom, my grandma, my ex husband and have to pay for the assistant / caregiver to help with things.

I'm longing for a man that I can look up to, that leads, provide and protects. Yet it feels wrong to even think about that. I'm miserable and I don't know what to do.

it won’t be easy to find that guy with that much going on before kids.

diaryofalostgirl · 2023-06-18T15:16:47+00:00

My ex and I separated in 2019

Did you actually sign the divorce papers?

That might be just what you need to do to tell yourself it's truly over, if you haven't yet. To release yourself of this responsibility. Because he is not yours to carry. You have a life to lead. Whatever ended the marriage, it's been over for you for four years. Bury the corpse already.

Secretagenta92 · 2023-06-18T09:51:09+00:00

What happened to him was awful but you’re not obligated to take care of him, what about his family? Years will pass by if you don’t change anything and you will be lonely and resentful.

QuickEgg6236 · 2023-06-19T00:44:37+00:00

Are you in doubts of doing a divorce from him?

jenna_grows · 2023-06-19T10:10:12+00:00

OP, you are lovely.

I’ve seen your comments and the kindest thing you can do for everyone in this situation is find a good therapist.

You first need to work out what you want: without guilt and self-criticism eating at you. The answer here may be to finalise the divorce and let his family take care of him, but it’s a traumatic process and you need to have a professional guide you along to minimise the trauma.

Whatever you decide, you’re in a fragile space and need support in order to make the right decision.

Good luck sweet one ♡

Objective_Dress_6908 · 2023-06-19T23:14:01+00:00

No matter what you decide there will always be critics. Do what is best for you. Do you want children? If you do, it’s best they have a father that can support them and you. He wouldn’t be the one to have a family with, I’m sorry to say.

I was in a somewhat similar situation. I married young; at 21. A few months following into our marriage my ex-husband had a mental breakdown and we discovered he had schizophrenia. I loved him so much and wanted to take care of him. But it was very difficult. I had no support other then our church. His family was very poor. In-fact, I would send money to his parents frequently. He couldn’t work and I was paying for everything. I worked two jobs. I always dreamt about having a family and being a young mom. But it didn’t seem fair to bring kids into that. He refused medications and would be in and out of psych wards. I slowly began to realize the person I knew was gone.

He would spend all my money and often donate it to various organizations. I’d have to change my passwords all the time. He would open all these credit cards. He would try to go back to school (one month it was to go for his MBA, the next to go for nuclear engineering, petroleum engineering, etc.). He was delusional. I couldn’t keep cats; he tried to kill them one day because he thought they were demons and I had to bring them to my parents. Then he started forcing himself on me because he wanted a family (I was refusing) and that’s when everything shattered.

I couldn’t bring a child into this chaos. I wouldn’t want innocent children to suffer along with me. It seemed immoral. As disturbing as it was, I understood in that moment why you see stories of the mother drowning her children in the bathtub and then killing herself. It was a chilling realization and that was when I left. I divorced and moved back home with my family. I was 25. My family was happy; they didn’t support my marriage. All my church friends though completely disapproved and I’ve never heard from them since. In their eyes I should of stayed married, “til death do us part”. But to me that honestly meant killing myself. Or him killing me. Towards the end, he once thought I was someone else and almost cut my head off with a machete.

Anyway, regardless of what you do there will always be someone there to judge you. I’m happy with my choice. It was painful. And I didn’t know how to cope following the years after. Everyone processes hardships differently so maybe it wouldn’t be as bad for you. Be open to your loved ones about your feelings…following the divorce I found myself in two very abusive relationships and sought out substances to deal with the pain. I wanted pain. I think I felt guilty unconsciously. I do not suggest doing that. It may have been harder for me because during that time with him it was like I lost my identity. Not to mention the traumas that occurred. I experienced various ptsd symptoms so that probably contributed to the self-harming thoughts but I’m doing much better now. I’m with a kind person that makes me feel loved. I have a masters degree and I love my job. Im not struggling financially like I was and my dream of having a family is around the corner. I’m happy I have the opportunity to be with someone like him.

If you decide to leave, please don’t blame yourself or try to hurt yourself (like me). It’s not you fault what happened to him. You went into that relationship wanting a lifelong partnership. Not to spend your young years being a caretaker. You deserve love and happiness. It’s unfortunate what happened to your husband (and even to mine). But why go down with the ship? Why destroy yourself when there’s a way out? Do you want a family? If yes, then it’s especially important to make a choice soon. It’s painful but there’s pain staying and pain leaving. It’s very sad. Life is tragic. You can still choose a different life.

If you decide to leave, it may be better to cut all ties. That’s what I’ve done and it made the whole process easier. It was especially helpful to move to a different area. I’ve never looked him up although last summer I did get a call from an FBI agent (apparently he had tried getting into the White House). So he is alive and out there I guess.

I wish you love and peace. Remember to take care of yourself.

InevitableKiwi5776 · 2023-06-18T12:43:21+00:00

I don’t have any answers, but I am just at the tail end of a similar, though not quite so intense a situation, so I will say the following:

-This definitely sounds like it could be codependency on your part, so you may way to look it that and see if it resonates with you. The fact that you said “it might be me being a control freak” makes me think this could be an issue.

-It’s possible that instead of being grateful for your help and support, your ex will become resentful of his situation and of you for seeing him like this. Or he may have a mix of gratitude and resentment. Just a heads up.

-No matter what happens, you deserve to look for the kind of relationship that you want to have. Everyone has different starting points, and everyone’s high value traits are slightly different. For instance, a man who really values family will see you taking care of your mom and grandma as a positive thing, so those kinds of men should be more high value to you. The ex thing is really tricky. I think it would be very difficult to start a new relationship while your ex is living with you, no matter what the reason is.

There are likely caregiver support groups available that could be helpful and could point you towards resources that could be helpful too. My mom is the caregiver for her boyfriend who is suffering from Parkinson’s and is quite disabled now. She is so-so on the support groups, but she does appreciate being able to talk to other people in her situation.

AmericanStoicism · 2024-06-06T12:41:45+00:00

I have no mouth, and I must scream ex-husband

Laurely4u · 2023-06-18T21:56:51+00:00

Apply for disability money or Medicaid. Look into nursing home care

Right_Software_7527 · 2023-06-19T19:16:43+00:00

Just imagine you would be disabled, what would he do in your Situation? Im pretty sure he wouldnt even think of an divorce

AutoModerator · 2023-06-18T08:33:47+00:00

Title: Disabled ex husband

Full text: My ex and I separated in 2019. Long story short, he had a brain tumor and now disabled. My family and I are taking care of him currently. I'm the breadwinner in my household. So I take care of my mom, my grandma, my ex husband and have to pay for the assistant / caregiver to help with things. I'm in my early 30's by the way. I'm making good money and we're living in an upscale community in my area. Yet I constantly feel burnt out, I don't even know how to describe it anymore but I feel like this is not how I want to live my life. I'm longing for a man that I can look up to, that leads, provide and protects. Yet it feels wrong to even think about that. I'm miserable and I don't know what to do. Would love to hear anything from you all. Thanks

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Title	Disabled ex husband
Author	Resident_Annual6752
Upvotes	19
Comments	49
Date	June 18, 2023 8:33 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/14cf7vk/disabled_ex_husband/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/disabled-ex-husband.1222660 https://theredarchive.com/post/1222660

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