I was watching my husband assemble kitchen cabinets this last weekend, and a thought struck me:
What would I do without him?
(Pay someone to assemble those, probably.)
Traditional gender roles, or any kind of normative roles, work on the assumption that husband and wife are a team. What happens if one teamplayer is not there anymore? Be it temporary (illness, travel...) or permanent.
I've been met with a blank stare when I asked men where spare bed linens were kept. With kids this was even more exacerbated - I've met men who were simply unable to properly take care of their own children (I'm talking about things like brushing their teeth, not coordinating outfits). And I've met wives who were clueless about their family's financial situation, home repairs, yard work, etc. No judgment: these couples are obviously good teams - but if one of them spends just a few days away for a trip, chaos ensures.
I remember a bereaved widow who let the trash pile up because she did not know when the trash needed to be put out. I remember the feeling of being lost, on top of the loss istelf - there was no team anymore. The well-oiled mechanism worked one minute, and stopped the next one. In the dark pit of mourning, the family had to figure out how daily life worked without the man of the house, and it was HARD. Way harder than it needed to be.
I realized that my husband could do basically all I do in the home - I make things way more comfortable, but he survived on his own until we got married and could do it again. I on the other hand, despite living on my own for years, have managed to never change a lightbulb in my life (uh... maybe once? Years ago?). I'm a big believer in self-sufficiency, but it's so comfortable to never concern myself with home repairs, car maintenance and other "manly" tasks. If had to do them myself, I'd probably just spend a lot of money and outsource most of them.
I'm curious to hear what you all think of this. Are you and your partner self-sufficient? Do you think gender roles pose an issue? What would you or your partner find difficult if you suddenly had to take care of everything on your own?
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