Hello gracious ladies of the internet. I'm 21 years old and my man is a year older than I. We've been together for nearly four years, while also living with one another and eloping. I am craving a traditional lifestyle so badly that it hurts. I was a feminist until I was 19. I made a grave mistake of aborting my child when I was 18. I was the only person working and he was wasting time. I wish I knew how much the regret would haunt me. Now all I want is my own household and family. I'm stuck living with another couple and the girl is vulgar, uses manly mannerisms, and despises motherhood because of her mommy issues. I want to be around inspiring women but all of them I know are vain or feminist.

My man is feminine in essence, with long hair and gaming habits. He doesn't enjoy leading me, he seems to want me to be an independent thinker. This doesn't work because I am submissive in nature. Maybe I'm naive, but I can't wait this out. He said we can have kids in the distant future. He doesn't believe in marriage because he won't grow out of his anarchist teen phase. One more note; I was unfaithful. My ideal man came onto me and it was difficult to refuse. My boyfriend forgave me, and I've seen him as a cuckold ever since.

I can't go back home to my single mother who is overworking herself into her 40s. She has never been married and she believes she is a strong woman. This mentality is toxic and she is stubborn. I also am not satisfied here. I've been too emotional and hopeless, I don't want to shove my life down the drain but it feels like my current path is taking me there.

To those older and more wise, have you been in my shoes? Am I cowardly? I feel lost and need guidance. I feel like who I am and what I want to stand for is ignored and disrespected. Where should I turn?