How do I stop being critical?

wefsix · 2018-05-07T20:35:42+00:00

Do you keep a gratitude journal? I've found keeping a gratitude journal keeps me on the lookout throughout the day for sweet things he's done that I appreciate and always reminds me how awesome he is. I feel a heck of a lot less likely to nag about something small when I'm super aware that he always does his dishes (and often mine), makes me food, looks amazing coming out of the shower, takes the time to really listen when I share about my day, etc.

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2018-05-08T06:29:56+00:00

From what I've seen in relationships where the woman is very critical and nagging, it has to do with the men allowing it to happen. They just kind of roll over and "yes dear" the woman til she STFU's.

I know you'd want your strong alpha man to do this himself, but you need to tell him to point it out to you. Tell him that every time you say something that he thinks is unnecessarily critical, call you out. The impulse to do this usually stems from a lack of negative repercussions, and if he actually points out that you're being difficult it will put more responsibility on you and give you more of a reason not to do it. Right now it's probably more of just an avenue for your frustration with no real sense of remorse, just a thought of "Wait I'm not supposed to do that".

It's a habit. Habits need to be un-learned, and that takes time. Get him to help you unlearn your habit and help him lead you into a more positive attitude.

gallaghers777 · 2018-05-08T00:29:37+00:00

Whenever I feel the urge to criticize, I punch him on the shoulder. Action speaks louder than words. And my nagging habit went away -- doublewins!

mrs-pickard · 2018-05-08T21:08:18+00:00

I'm in the middle of kicking this habit as well. It really is a process, and you can't expect it to happen overnight, but with that being said, there are a few things that I've done that help me. What helps me most is stopping before I say anything and asking myself if the comment is really worth it. Does his behavior really DESERVE criticism? The best way I've found to determine that is asking myself if I would remember this moment in 5 years. He didn't put the towel up after a shower? Well, I'm not going to remember that in five years, so it's not THAT important. Is he about to quit a job to become a full-time ceramics artist? THAT I will remember in five years. That really helps me. I also take the time to apologize for being critical. It seems irrelevant, but when I force myself to apologize, it's me telling him AND myself that it wasn't an okay thing to do and it sets a standard. It's easy to internally recognize that what you did is wrong and try to fix it, but when you outwardly admit it and tell him you're sorry, it helps you fix it much faster.

bambiliftsweights · 2018-05-08T22:43:19+00:00

Over the last 5 years, I've learned that it's a habit, just like anything else. I used to be the most naggy, bitchy person every but gradually, I broke the habit of nagging/complaining.

Wefsix mentioned gratitude - this is HUGEEE! I can't tell you what a difference it makes to consciously make a list of the things he does. You can't just mentally think about it, you really have to write it down. I have a journal that I keep near my bed and I write down all the nice things he does for me, each day, before I fall asleep.
Surround yourself with positive, RP women, if possible. Most women bitch about their husbands and that makes it seem okay for you to bitch about your fiance. Try to find other women who will support you in praising your fiance and speaking well of him. My mother, in particular, gets on my ass if I start complaining about him and I love that.
Be patient with yourself. This is a journey and you will get better over time. Just try to be as consistent as possible.

You've got this, girl!! Sending you love!

LateralThinker13 · 2018-05-09T18:09:17+00:00

A suggestion. Never nag (ask more than once) for your husband to do something. Instead, assuming that a) you asked for him to do something, and b) he promised to do it in c) a specified time frame, and that time frame has passed, just ask him one question:

Why is he breaking his promise to you?

Because that's what he's doing.

This isn't about taking out the trash, or walking the dog. This is about him saying that he will do something, and then breaking his word. A man who breaks his word - especially one who does it serially - is not one to stay with. This is a bigger issue.

Now that being said, do you keep your word to HIM? If I asked him if you keep your word, that you do what you say you will, would he say that yes, you keep your word too? If he asks to fool around and you say "Not tonight, I have a headache, how about tomorrow" does he get some tomorrow, or will you have another headache?

I ask because this is often reciprocal. If you don't keep your word to him, he won't keep his to you. If it's all one-sided, address it and if he won't amend his behavior, move on.

lespetiteschoses · 2018-05-08T01:59:18+00:00

A lot of this kind of behavior is just habitual. If you stay really vigilant for the first little while, you'll probably find that it tapers off on your own until it's not a habit anymore.

In the meantime, I would second what another poster said about a gratitude journal. This along with just being extra mindful in all of your interactions with him should help.

Ok_Philosopher · 2018-05-08T04:51:42+00:00

I'd check your own house. I get naggy when things in my own life aren't as under control as I'd like. In sum, I nag for reasons that have very, very little to do with my spouse's behavior. Just recognizing this has helped me STFU and deal with my own shit first. My husband could be doing the exact same things, but if my life is going great, I'm doing fulfilling stuff and I have a lot on my plate, I never nag.

I think you may notice similar correlations. I'd just pay attention to your mental state. If you also observe that you nag when you're frustrated, tired, etc, then spend time away from your spouse so he doesn't get the brunt of your negativity.

Rivkariver · 2018-05-08T19:41:32+00:00

Realize that he’s smarter than you think. And your criticism is awesome a misplaced maternal instinct for many women. Which of course is not going to increase attraction.

Title	How do I stop being critical?
Author	masterofthebarkarts
Upvotes	11
Comments	36
Date	May 7, 2018 6:00 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/8hpivf/how_do_i_stop_being_critical/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-do-i-stop-being-critical.67310 https://theredarchive.com/post/67310

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