My first time posting but have lurked here for a while! I've read quite a few classic posts and most recently the one about the case for not settling which most closely pertains to my situation. It's a long post but it's worth it, it touches upon the woes of hypergamy and post-committment risk that comes with dating a (perceived) lower value man.

I (27F) recently started dating my ex (30M) after being apart for 1 year. We had an amicable breakup, but I was the one who broke up with him after dating for just over 1.5 years (with half that time in long distance). He was heartbroken but took it well, first tried to get me back but then we just remained friends for the year. He eventually moved back to my town a few months ago. I never planned on getting back with him, but he asked to meet up one time and we hit it off, been dating for a few months now. I was a bit wary about dating him again due to the reasons I broke up to begin with, but decided to give him a shot because it did seem that he had been working on himself this entire year and never stopped loving me...

The original reason I broke up with him is that I felt that my needs were not being met. I wanted someone who I could laugh uncontrollably with, who I could respect as a masculine figure and who I felt safe and protected with. I increasingly felt that we were just friends as he didn't make me feel feminine and rarely was romantic toward me in the way I needed.

When we started dating recently we did have a long talk about the things we would do differently now that we are trying again, given our growth after the 1 year.

But, in the past several weeks I've felt that feeling again that I had right before I broke up with him the first time. Sure, he is being more romantic and communicative in texting. But he seems to have settled into a routine again and I felt that I have been the one planning dates and outings. This naturally makes me feel less feminine and I feel like the man in the relationship. I think this makes me unhappy about myself. It feels wrong.

Now this is why I thought about the case for not settling, because the issue may be that because of our dynamic - and maybe because of his natural temperament and SMV - I am not able to develop that natural respect for him as the masculine leader of the relationship. In turn I feel less like a woman and dissatisfied. While I know he can financially provide for me, I am definitely more physically attractive (very fit and have a naturally attractive face without makeup). He does not have the typically masculine traits (although he's taller than me, he's not broad-shouldered or muscular, can barely lift me - I'm only 138lbs but 5'9" tall). I think maybe subconsciously this lowers his value in my eyes even though sexually he does turn me on (most of the time).

Recently, a different guy I just met - high SMV, very attractive, fit, and quite wealthy... - invite me to a party, and I already have the feeling that I want to ditch the guy I am dating to go to this party. Maybe it's just hypergamy, but I feel like it's not a good sign about my feelings for the guy I'm dating. I feel like it's not fair to him that I am already thinking about exploring other options.

He's a truly good man. He's honest, patient, kind, good with children, forward-thinking, intelligent, sweet, and I know he truly loves me. I also know that he doesn't want to let me go because RPW-wise, I'm probably the best woman he can get. I'm worried about these hypergamous thoughts I'm having already this "early" into dating him. Wouldn't it just get worse later one? Do you think it would be more fair to him - and kind to myself - to break up for good?

I know I love him as a person. But I just don't know if I feel that romantic passionate love for him that I feel like I want to have in a relationship.