I talk too much

RojoEscarlata · 2015-01-18T06:36:40+00:00

Do you feel fat, Or are you fat?

In any case hit the gym and eat clean.

On topic: “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” ― Stephen R.

People who just talk and talk tend to fall into that, so be introspective and ask yourself if you are really interested on knowing the other person's story, or you are just waiting for your time to talk.

Edit: about the maturity and intelligence thing, those are not the primary things a man wants/values in a woman. What men value the most in women is beauty (youth), caring and femininity. So I recommend you to work on that.

little_red_ · 2015-01-18T09:48:27+00:00

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People

If you can't curb the urge to talk, talk and ask questions about the other person. As you've exemplified, people like to talk about themselves. Get people in a conversation talking about themselves, become interested, and they will be interested in the conversation.

As for the immature and fat part I don't know how to expand on that bit without any other information.

Aine_of_knockaine · 2015-01-18T08:44:06+00:00

Do you think that you're talking out of nervousness to some degree?

The truth is getting yourself to be quiet takes practice. When someone else is talking really listen focus on what they're saying so that you can ask them something. It shows interest. You don't have to enjoy silence. You can fill it without babbling if you work to listen to the other person and expound on what they're saying.

I have a degree in Environmental Engineering from Georgia Tech and work for X. Did you know that you wanted to be an Engineer before you started college?

If you feel that you're sharing too much practice cutting things down to basics when you talk to people like your friends. Wait for them to ask you questions that show you that they want more information. Practice makes perfect.

I have never dated so I feel like men view me as an immature, awkward, fat, and unattractive.

Are you fat or do you feel fat? If you feel fat work on building up your self esteem. If you are fat diet and exercise will help you fix that.

Men aren't looking for your intelligence as a primary thing. They really want to see beautiful feminine women who are chaste. Work on presenting that to a man.

ColdEiric · 2015-01-18T17:22:28+00:00

I don't really socialize much and whenever I do I talk A LOT. I have a lot of strong opinions and ideas about life and the world and I also see a lot of dark things at work. How do I stop talking so much? How do I just stay quiet and be soft spoken.

"Is anyone asking you questions of what you are talking about?"

Yesterday I and my friend, we had to be very close to a group of girls 'n' boys. Neither of us liked the girls in that group, and the silent guys wanted to be somewhere else, because the girls kept talking and talking and talking and talking and talking. The girls kept interrupting each other continuously, as if their 'conversation' was an wrestling contest for dominance. I asked my friend if any of the girls had been asked about what they're talking about. He started smiling and laughed a little, as I did when I thought of that.

The girls were beautiful, but I didn't introduce myself. I didn't care to learn their names. I don't see point in being social with girls who do that.

Additionally, I am very uncomfortable around men.

Read more. Read more about the differences between men and women. Read about what the two sexes do so poorly, and what they do so naturally and elegantly. Read about how they complement each other, and what they ought to let the other one do. Read how they both think, and what's important to them. Eventually you'll learn what you've got in abundance, and what men are dying to get.

I didn't get much of women either. I've read loads, and I think I look like a 'natural' now. The whole idea of a 'natural' is a major joke to me now, but I am willing to bet now, that a huge part of 'the natural' is a lot nurture.

Start studying the sexes, but don't let anyone know that you're doing that.

How do I just shut up and enjoy the silence?

You become a student of human nature. You look a people's looks. You wonder if they are virtuous human beings. You look at personal character traits. How did the become like this? How did they think, as they dressed themselves today? How do they want to present themselves? And how are they really, because of their presentations? What tiny, minor details betray everything about their personalities? How would you compare this person with that person?
You save the things you want to talk about for later. You write your issues, problems, subjects on a piece of paper, and you save it for a time when your close one's have time to be attentive towards you. Do you still need to talk about this, now when you waited a while?
You ask yourselves silently, if anyone is asking you questions about what you're talking about. Or if you're talking, because you've started talking. Who is asking you to keep talking?
"Can I talk about this? Here? At this time? With this person or group?" Not everyone wants what's best for you, not everyone understand what's you're talking about, and it isn't always appropriate to talk about this in this situation, at this time, in this place, or with these whom you're with.

CommodoreSillyPants · 2015-01-18T05:22:38+00:00

I used to have a similar problem. I would talk way too fast. I fixed it by reading books out loud, that might help you to slow down so you realize what you're saying.

Bluelinesand · 2015-01-18T15:19:47+00:00

I have problems with this too! Thank you for bringing this up for discussion. I also am taking in the suggestions others have posted here. Very helpful.

pinkmelody · 2015-01-18T17:04:28+00:00

Try asking him questions. No one wants to listen to you ramble on and on. It just seems self centered and overbearing. Get him talking.

FleetingWish · 2015-01-18T17:20:53+00:00

It's not a bad thing to talk. It becomes a problem when your the only one talking, and everything you're saying is about you. Talking is an exchange between to people. What you're doing sounds more like "telling". Men want to know that you're interested in their lives and what they have to say.

PhantomDream09 · 2015-01-18T10:27:46+00:00

If you talk a lot, but can't really figure out why - then a simple change in how you think about talking may help you quite a bit. Instead of offering up a story or anecdote, first ask the other person a question relevant to the story you want to share. For example: "Have you seen any good movies lately?" After you listen to their answer, then you can mention a movie you saw recently that really resonated with you. This is a very simple idea - but it can be very effective as well. Asking questions makes sure that the other person participates and it should help you be more mindful of how much you're talking vs. how much you are listening. A good conversation is one where both people are engaged and talking turn with the 'microphone.'

jade_cat · 2015-01-18T15:25:23+00:00

I don't really socialize much and whenever I do I talk A LOT. I have a lot of strong opinions and ideas about life [...]

This has been a problem of mine for a long time, and I am currently working on it. Do you feel the need to always explain your opinions and try to convince the other person why they are valid/right ? Do you see every single discussion as a verbal sparring match ?

My husband, who is much more laid back than I am on that aspect, told me once "You know, you don't HAVE to have an opinion on every single thing in the world." What he meant was that I was way too emotionally involved in everything. Whatever the subject, I had to have an opinion, to argue and to make my point, especially when I was talking to friends and family. It becomes extremely exhausting for both persons involved in the discussion.

The key is to let go. Choose your battles. Not everything is worth having such a strong stance. And even if you do have a strong opinion, is it really worth it to try to prove it is valid ? More often than not, it is not worth it at all. If you stop trying to prove your point all the time, you will feel much more at ease and much more peaceful, and you won't feel the need to talk that much all the time.

pcadrian · 2015-01-18T21:25:06+00:00

Well typically women talk much more than guys on any given day. I believe one of the statistics I heard is that women say about 8000 words/day, while guys say 2000. So in a conversation, the woman will be doing 80% of the talking. As long as you don't monopolize the conversation, and ask the guy questions about himself to let him know you're interested in him/his life, you're OK.

If you find silent moments, don't freak out about it. Just enjoy the moment and being with him.

valleycupcake · 2015-01-19T04:02:37+00:00

Sounds like you need more practice. What kinda of things are you interested in? There are social clubs for anything where you can get out and talk to strangers about a shared interest. Don't worry about meeting guys there; just work on conversation skills. If you reply telling me some things you're interested in, I will try to find you a club or meetup to join.

lisfb · 2015-01-19T13:52:17+00:00

I don't really socialize much and whenever I do I talk A LOT. I have a lot of strong opinions and ideas about life and the world and I also see a lot of dark things at work.

It’s ok to have strong opinions and ideas about the world around you – I think it would be odd if people didn’t, to be honest – but you don’t want to have a monologue where the only voice being heard is yours. Practice balancing your pushes and pulls.

If you’re struggling with fostering dialogue, keep it simple and start small using the example your mother gave you. From there you can branch out a bit (ie: “I’m good! You know, today when I was at work {insert 1 or 2 hi-lights from your day here}.” That gives the person you’re with something to work off of. They can ask a question, probing for more info, and at that point you can detail your day’s happening a little more. And, in return, don’t forget to ask them about their day. They listened to yours – reciprocate in the same manner.

How do I stop talking so much?

Carry a bottle of water with you. Take sips from it every so often when you’re talking (gives the person listening a chance to pipe up if they’ve something to say) and when you’re listening (helps you from interrupting your friend if you feel the urge to jump in and voice your opinions on or change the topic to other matters).

I feel like men view me as an immature, awkward, fat, and unattractive. I feel like I need to prove myself as mature and intelligent around them.

Based off your post, it seems to me that you (often) feel the need to fill the silence. For now, I suggest you practice listening and letting others take the lead in conversation - not saying you should “starfish” yourself in a conversation; still share your thoughts and feelings on the topic at hand (that’s how your maturity/intelligence can shine through) - but try not to fill the silence just because the quiet feels bad or uncomfortable. Does that make sense?

Re: appearance - I’m a fan of the whole ‘if you look good, you feel good and if you feel good, you look good’ way of thinking. Wear clothing that makes you feel both confident and put together. If you’re not sure what looks good on you, pull a trusted friend or family member who you know will give honest feedback and go clothing shopping with them or let them rummage through your current wardrobe, all the while taking into account the kind of feedback they give you.

I don't know a thing about flirting or showing interest.

Everyone starts somewhere. ;) I’m sure there’s a guide or thread of RPW approved tactics in the sub (do a search for ‘dating’ ‘single’ etc and see what pops up). Generally though, I would say smile, listen more (actively listen – ask him to detail his stories, do followup questions the next time you see your friends), lean in/give him your attention when spending time together, show that you’re pleased to see him when you see him.

dbphreakdb · 2015-01-18T05:52:49+00:00

You are who you are. So tell me why you should fake it till you make it in this respect.

Flatly, men talk about all sorts of shit, and even if you don't get Brad Pitt, you might be able to find a man that shares your mindset/interests.

Do not take this as be independent, because yammering is irritating as fuck. Do the book reading suggestion. It will help. Also, yeah. Ease into the shit, but don't shut it down.

Having different shit to do gives you all areas and spaces out of each other's zones, and thus, something to talk about /share once you all reenter each other's space

Title	I talk too much
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	9
Comments	40
Date	January 18, 2015 5:00 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/2sszfy/i_talk_too_much/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-talk-too-much.166030 https://theredarchive.com/post/166030

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