i'm never the first pick

Chihuahuamami234 · 2024-01-24T17:33:19+00:00

I’ve came to learn there is always someone that will be better than you in something. The best you can do is work on your toxic traits, improve your skills, and work on improving your looks/taking care of yourself. The right person will choose you.

wiwoo · 2024-01-24T21:17:11+00:00

Flip it around. No guy you choose is going to be your first pick now either, so doesn't that mean you're kind of in the same boat together?

At the end of the day, the main choice you have is the tradeoff between aiming high (and putting in more relationship effort) or aiming low (and receiving more relationship effort) or trying to split the difference for similar effort levels.

There's almost never a reciprocal first pick situation, that's just statistics. Almost every situation is going to be two people on their 3rd to 20th picks, who somehow make that work.

Decide if you want to be the adorer, in which case you'll trade extra effort to have a more favored pick, or the adored, in which case you'd prefer to have extra security / comfort, in exchange for a less favored pick - or what balance of those things you want.

Nobody really has it better than you in this regard, everyone's stuck on the same continuum, having to find their own balance on the adorer/adored tradeoff scale.

If you were the woman who these guys picked first, your "first pick" would be someone even better - remember these guys didn't get their first picks either! As you move up and down the RMV scale, the actual pattern is the same, just shifted.

jiji_sin · 2024-01-24T18:29:20+00:00

Have you read the sidebar?

Business_babe_2 · 2024-01-24T17:13:59+00:00

What do you think you are lacking? Is it looks and/or personality? First step would be to become aware of the points you can improve on.

JustAnotherBoymoder · 2024-01-24T19:57:28+00:00

Time to use that energy to self improve. There's a lot of resources on here and /r/Vindicta is great for looksmaxxing

Pristine-Can3719 · 2024-01-24T17:26:55+00:00

How old are you?

Leonhart93 · 2024-01-24T18:08:35+00:00

I do understand how you feel, it's a more common experience than you think. And then you will wonder if they could go back and do better, would they still choose you? There is no satisfactory answer here I am afraid and imagine if you think that when you are 30 instead of 24....

CranberrySoftServe · 2024-01-24T17:27:41+00:00

eventually had to choose me because they couldn't get their dreamgirl/higher value woman.

Reframing helps. They still chose you over those women. That's the part that matters.

communitycolor · 2024-01-24T22:27:58+00:00

Hugs. I felt this way my entire dating life until I met my SO at 27. I learned that it was never my fault, it was always them, and that the right person will come along and choose you every time - it was never about looks all along. My best advice, after reading the side bar, is to continue loving with an open heart. Continue to keep your values high. Try to decenter men - every time you think of ‘that guy’ or ‘ex’, go work out. Best of luck!

BudgetInteraction811 · 2024-01-25T01:17:18+00:00

You know those guys that are almost annoying because of how much they like you? To the point where you’re questioning if you even like them? You gotta get over that feeling of the guy being “too much” for you, especially if you are insecure. Insecure people can easily be turned off by a guy who is 100% all-in, because it makes them question why a great guy would be so invested in them in the first place. My mom is like this and she has blocked her own blessings many times by amazing men who treated her well because they “liked her too much”. Men who behave like this see you as their dream woman. Don’t forget that!!

RedPillDad · 2024-01-24T23:30:29+00:00

dreamgirl/higher value woman

Forget about winning the hotness contest with raw sex appeal. Dial up the cuteness and femininity to put yourself far ahead in a less competitive category. I don't like framing it as a strategy like that because the baddies and boss babes will catch on and put on a 'soft girl' act and costume to bait high value men.

The first time I met my wife, I was interested in her taller, hotter sister, as was every other guy. Asking the sister to dance, she passed me off onto my future wife who was 5'2" and cute as a button. Cute and feminine are very appealing qualities that won't fade as much with time.

Independent-Hall4929 · 2024-01-24T17:29:23+00:00

How do you know this?

AutoModerator · 2024-01-24T17:09:37+00:00

Title: i'm never the first pick

Author dieamer

Full text: i just realized that the guys i wanted and loved eventually had to choose me because they couldn't get their dreamgirl/higher value woman. i'm so hurt rn. i wish i could be the first for once. what do i even do? get plastic surgery and go to the gym? i'm tired if not being good enough.

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2024-01-24T17:09:37+00:00

Thank you for posting to RPW. Here are a couple reminders:

If you are seeking relationship advice. Make sure you are answering the guidelines for asking for advice on the rules page
Do not delete your post once you have your answers. Others may have the same question!
You must participate in your own post. If you put up a post and disapear, it will be removed.
We are not here for non-participants to study us. If you are writing a paper or just curious, read our sidebar and wiki and old posts.
Men are not allowed to ask questions and generally discouraged from participating unless they are older, partnered and have Red Pill experience.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

feral-pixi-starling · 2024-01-25T08:31:42+00:00

have u considered that you might be sticking around for an excessive amount of time just waiting for men that dont pick you first instead of focusing on someone who would?

Like how long does it take to watch a guy slowly try to win over someone else and then eventually come around to you? That sounds so time consuming.

Are you just lamenting that guys liked girls before you? In relationships getting picked first isn’t nearly as important as being truly chosen.

If you sense someone is settling for you, don’t just sit back and accept your crumbs. why would u want to be in a relationship like that? Its not fair to either of you.

GameGodsOfficial · 2024-02-01T07:21:24+00:00

I took some time to give your situation a once over. Here you'll find the answers to the issue that you're having.

https://youtu.be/z6Cbp1c-zxA

Wife_and_Mama · 2024-01-24T18:52:07+00:00

Well, someone already asked what you're lacking, so I'll rephrase. What are you looking for in a man? Is that guy out of your league? Does he have unrealistic expectations of the dating world and assume he can get a 9, so he settles for you, a 7 (arbitrary numbers, of course)? You're the common dominator in the men you're choosing.

Substantial-Elk5388 · 2024-01-25T00:35:57+00:00

Don’t give people who choose other people or treat like you a choice another chance, that’s it, the resentments too deep, it’ll never ever work. Level up and make them realize that was you all along…….

lauramisiara · 2024-01-25T15:20:15+00:00

I’m sorry you feel like this. I do not mean to sound superficial at all because it shouldn’t be. I also do not know how you are so I am going to talk in a general sense. At first, liking someone romantically is a very physical game, specially for men. They will usually find someone attractive first, crush on that, and come to meet them and like their personality after. I do not recommend surgery at all. Be yourself! But exercise and looking your best is always a plus, and not necessarily for them, you will also feel better and healthier. Men have a tendency to like feminine, fit women. They don’t like a lot of make up. They are more into a natural, feminine look, that also smells good. In my opinion these are things that would attract men first glance. Second glance is about how you talk, if you sound smart, and can talk about different topics, if you have goals in life and are doing things to pursue them. Some men will not care about this, but those who don’t are usually no the good quality kind. Lastly, the third stage is who you are and what you would bring to a relationship, and usually these are also the things that will shift a man’s opinion from girlfriend to wanting to marry you. Men like caring women, who are happy to see them, who love their family and shows it, who brings them peace and not arguments on a general basis, who will cook for them a homemade meal with love. Obviously arguments happen in the best relationships, but it shouldn’t be an every day thing, and for men this matters a lot. If I were you, I would focus on my health, my femininity, and any other personal goals you may have. While at the same time putting yourself out there to meet people, while picking environments where you may find good quality men to begin with. Meet people without thinking much of it, just socializing and I believe sooner rather than later, you will be that man’s dream girl/higher value woman.

Title	i'm never the first pick
Author	dieamer
Upvotes	26
Comments	39
Date	January 24, 2024 5:09 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/19em21a/im_never_the_first_pick/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/im-never-the-first-pick.1243698 https://theredarchive.com/post/1243698

Comments