Moving in together before proposal?

Wife_and_Mama · 2024-06-26T12:46:50+00:00

So we are looking at houses for US and he thinks an engagement is too binding.

No, no, no, no, no. This man has been abundantly clear that he has no intentIon of proposing any time soon. Moving in will likely delay that further, by removing any incentive to do so. He'll have everything he wants in a wife, with none of the downsides. You will also be trapped in a sense. Even if you're just in an apartment, if you realize things aren't progressing, moving out typically ends a relationship. Moving is also expensive, because this also means breaking a lease, finding a new place, and figuring out how to pay for it. Buying a house is a much more severe version of the same thing. Only in that case, you have a potential legal battle if he feels he's put more into the property or vice versa or if one of you wants to keep the house.

If you're happy living at home, stay there until you have a ring or the relationship has run its course. If you're not, get a place of your own or with a friend. Do not move in with a man who considers engagement "too binding." You'll just be back here in two years, crying to us about how he'll never propose.

tornteddie · 2024-06-26T13:43:21+00:00

Engagement is too binding but a house isnt?

Eta: every relationship is different of course, but im just shy of 2 years into my current relationship. We live together and are both fully aware that the intent is to get married whenever we have the funds to.

I dont think it should take 4 years to decide if someone is the right marriage partner for you

youllknowwhenitstime · 2024-06-26T14:12:57+00:00

-"We have a substantial savings"

Please tell me your finances are not already combined!

This man has no intention of marrying you. Perhaps he tells himself he will one day and so expresses that when you talk.

Trust.

Actions.

Over.

Words.

He's been dating you for FOUR YEARS and knows he doesn't want to become "bindingly committed!" But he knows he wants to go 50-50 on a mortgage.

I'm sorry. I hope the comments are a wakeup call.

ArkNemesis00 · 2024-06-26T13:18:35+00:00

People are self-interested. Rarely do people make major life decisions that don't benefit them.

The question becomes: why would marriage benefit him? If moving in together accomplishes most or all of those benefits, then you're shooting yourself in the foot.

mistressusa · 2024-06-26T14:51:08+00:00

Why would you buy a house with someone who clearly doesn't want to marry you? After 4years, he knows all there's to know about you and he is not convinced that you are "the one". Always believe actions over words.

If you buy a house together, consider what will happen if you decide to split. What if the market is bad and neither of you can afford to move out? What if he wants to move in his new girlfriend when you are still living there? You'll end up making a bad financial decision just to get out of the house. Even in the best case, selling a house can take several months and requires that you keep in constant contact with someone who broke your heart.

renewedblush · 2024-06-26T18:57:19+00:00

To be honest, I was in a similar situation with my ex and I’m not sure he was ever really serious about marrying me. Marriage came up in our relationship early, but he was always insistent on living together first before a proposal. I tried to ask for a timeline if I agreed to move in together, but he wouldn’t give me one. I also tried to reason with him as I come from a more conservative family where this was looked down upon, and he wouldn’t have it. I’m so glad that I resisted and didn’t move in with him when he wanted me to. It’s a great way to stay stuck in a relationship that isn’t moving forward, while helping pay a man’s bills.

flower_power_g1rl · 2024-06-26T14:57:40+00:00

In my opinion, you should stay put where you are. Every few months, ask him about this issue. Make sure that you ask him in a way which clarifies that you love him and your relationship, you just want to know where you're going (so you can better plan a future together, of course). Ask him in a calm and loving way. Let him clarify to you what are his thoughts on marriage. And then, accept what he says. "Well, okay..." without throwing a fit. Watch this video - it works!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sm9XbRNFt2U

inhaledpie4 · 2024-06-27T05:13:53+00:00

So hold on... this guy says he doesn't want to get married to you because it's too "binding" but he still wants to live with you? He likes what you put out but is still keeping his options open. I don't like the sound of this...

Dionne005 · 2024-06-27T18:47:00+00:00

If engagement is too binding you need to find another man. I mine in with my now husband caz I knew he was going to propose and be married within a year of proposal. We got the house sand everything all in the same time frame

AutoModerator · 2024-06-26T11:09:10+00:00

Title: Moving in together before proposal?

Author 127bratty

Full text: I (23f) have been with my bf (26m) for almost four years. We are both have masters degrees and are employed fulltime. In the last few years we have been saving up for a house and have managed to build substantial savings, but we haven't yet bought anything because the housing market is really terrible in our country at the moment.

I used to live with him and his parents till recently when I finished college and moved home as it's closer to my job and his parents are extremely difficult to cohabit with. For instance they didn't let me keep my things in their house, his mother set a rule on how many pairs of shoes I can have there (two if you are wondering), I wasn't allowed to park in their driveway or keep my sports gear in their garage,...and so so so many other wierd rules.

Recently my boyfriend has been very adamant about renting an apartment till we decide to buy something, but I refused stating I want to be engaged in that case. So we are looking at houses for US and he thinks an engagement is too binding.

He is great, I couldn't think of better qualities to search for in someone. Tall, handsome, high earner, kind and someone I belive truly loves me and is proud to have me by their side. Yet not marry me (in the forseeable future) apparently.

Do I force his hand or let it be for the time moment and move in with him regardless?

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Title	Moving in together before proposal?
Author	127bratty
Upvotes	9
Comments	28
Date	June 26, 2024 11:09 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1dovynt/moving_in_together_before_proposal/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/moving-in-together-before-proposal.1522338 https://theredarchive.com/post/1522338

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